More from my favorite bloke in a dress  

Kaliedascope61 41M
3157 posts
3/21/2006 6:24 am

Last Read:
3/24/2006 8:11 pm

More from my favorite bloke in a dress

I cant just sit here not share, more of my favorite comic, Eddie Izzard, the following is an excerpt from on of his Shows. And yes, he does go around in make up and he does dress as a woman! Anyway... thats him over there <---

Now this is how to read this, don't think of the normal James Earl Jones Darth Vader Voice. If you know who James Mason his, and know his voice, use that for Darth Vader, If not Sean Connery will work to. Ya I know thats a lot of thinking for a dumb blog post, but bare with me, and you will changing your under pants by the end.

The Death Star Canteen By Eddie Izzard

"But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down:

Darth Vader: "I will have the penne all'arrabiata."

Canteen Worker: "You'll need a tray."

DV: "Do you know who I am?"

CW: "Do you know who I am?"

DV: "This is not a game of who the f*ck are you. For I am Vader, Darth Vader, Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought."

CW: "Well, you'll still need a tray."

DV: "No, I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force, which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor."

CW: "No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on."

DV: "Oh, I see the food is hot. I'm sorry. I did not realize. Hahahaha...Oh...tray for the....yes. I thought you were challenging me for the fight to the death."

CW: "A fight to the death? This a canteen, I work here."

DV: "Yes, but I am Vader. I am Lord Vader? Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death.

Lord Vader? Darth Vader, I'm Darth Vader. Sir Lord Vader? Sir Lord Darth Vader? Lord Darth Sir Lord, Lord Vader of Cheem? Sir Lord Baron Von Vader Ham? The Death Star. I run the Death Star."

CW: "What's the Death Star?"

DV: "This is the Death Star! You're in the Death Star! I run this star!"

CW: "This is a star?"

DV: "This is a f*cking star! I run it! I'm your boss."

CW: "You're Mr. Stevens?"

DV: "No, I'm...Who is Mr. Stevens?"

CW: "He's Head of Catering."

DV: "I'm not Head of Catering! I am Vader, I can kill catering with a thought."

CW: "Wha?"

DV: "I can kill you all! I can kill me with a thought! Just...fine, I'll get a tray! F*ck it! This one's wet, and this one's wet and this one's wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. Did you dry these in a rainforest? Why, with the power of the Death Star do we not have a tray that is f*cking dry? I do not... No, no, no! I was here first!"

Other guy: "You have to form a queue if you want food. Can I have uh....Ooo, penne all'arrabiata. That'd be very nice."

DV: "No, no, no! Do you know who I am?"

OG: "That's Jeff Vader that is!"

DV: "I am not Jeff Vader, I am Darth Vader."

OG "What? Jeff Vader runs the Death Star?"

DV: "No, Jeff....No, I run the Death Star."

OG: "You Jeff Vader?"

DV: "No, I'm Darth Vader."

OG: "Are you his brother? Could you get his autograph?"

DV: "I can't get his....No, I'm Jeff...Alright, I'm Jeff Vader! I'm Jeff Vader!"

OG: "Could I have your autograph?"

DV: "No, f*ck off or I'll kill you with a tray! Give me penne all'arrabiata or you shall die! And you and everyone in this canteen! Death by tray it shall be!"

CW: "Do you want peas with that?"

DV: "Peas! You don't have peas! You can't put in right can't doens't work with penne! Unless you push 'em up the penne tubes and then it'd be weird! Oh alright! Put some peas in."

--(The Death Star Canteen) By Eddie Izzard

jadedbabe78 106F

3/21/2006 6:41 am

lol...well alright. I do remember seeing a pic of him yesterday.....I noticed the make up. I thought I was delusional..

Interesting, lol.

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:45 am:
You should see the thing he did for HBO, I've never been the same!

rm_emmie234 52F
608 posts
3/21/2006 7:32 am

After the "Cake or Death" post yesterday, I downloaded some of Eddie. Damn funny bloke! Amazing mix of cross dressing, history and the funniest damned comedy around!
Love it!

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:45 am:
OH please please please tell me your favorite bit!

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/21/2006 12:03 pm

geek *cough* What? Somebody say something? Didnt quite catch that.....

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:46 am:
You been smoking out of coke cans again havn't you?

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
3/21/2006 3:19 pm

LMAO...Thanks bud

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:46 am:
I think this scene should have been included in the first starwars!

rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/21/2006 4:06 pm

Great post. Sounds like I could have played Vader in that, Nobody gets me. lol

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:47 am:
If you liked that, go find the one he did about Noah's ark!

meerkittykat 42F

3/21/2006 6:18 pm

Eddie Izzard: "I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that is embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It is the end of your life."

Eddie's Brill!! If a British cross-dressing comedian can convert my conservative Midwestern mom, you KNOW he's got flair!!!


Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:48 am:
I wished I lived in england! He's got cell phone ring tones on his website that you can get,but you have to be in england to get them! OMG soooo funny!

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
3/21/2006 8:00 pm

i LOVE him so often that my kids quote him...whats funnier than Eddie ? my 13 year old daughter doing Eddie impersonations.

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:49 am:
Does she sarge es un la branche!

to bad i can't spell in french!

caressmewell 53F

3/21/2006 9:27 pm

He's a trip..thanks for the laugh.

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:49 am:
Yes he is, I think im going to put up some steven wright jokes next time.

HBowt2 59F

3/22/2006 1:28 am

been watching him for years....he's brill....

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:50 am:
same here, I been trying to find some of the movies he's been in to, but they aren't at my local block buster.

alphuctup 40M

3/22/2006 8:23 am

Stoppppppppp I'm sat in my office, actual tears running down my face I'm laughing so much, my colleagues think I've finally gone over the edge...little do they know ahahahahahahaaaa!!!


Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/22/2006 9:50 am:
member this one?

born on the 3rd of jeff, in 19 jefty jeff

ticktock500 44M

3/22/2006 5:07 pm

now i have to go find some more...i haven't seen anything for a long time.

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/23/2006 9:25 am:
wikipedia is a good place to start, thats where i found this.

shar1 55F
606 posts
3/23/2006 3:37 pm

Love Eddie Izzard. Had the pleasure of sitting next to him on a plane going from Dublin to London. Was afraid to disturb him because I'm sure he gets fed up with it, but he is so cute.. looks better in the flesh than on TV. He would be one of my dinner guests at a fantasy dinner party

Kaliedascope61 replies on 3/24/2006 8:12 pm:
did he argue with the pilot about a chocolate biscuit?

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