George Carlin - Transhumanism  

5219 posts
2/25/2006 9:42 pm

Last Read:
3/30/2006 4:19 pm

George Carlin - Transhumanism

George Carlin - Transhumanism

The following is a transcript of George Carlin's monologue called Transhumanism that he performed on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on 11-15-04. He rattled this off at a very rapid pace of speaking and did not appear to be using a teleprompter.

I just posted this as a companion comment to go with jadedbabe78's recent "cut and paste" based posting in her blog and then thought it was worthy of immortalizing as a posting of it's own in my own blog.

So here it is.

"I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I've got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the 'F' word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I've got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinin', jivin' and groovin, wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hangin in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hangin tough, over and out!"


rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/25/2006 11:57 pm

whew! quite a mouthful!

[blog freelove999]


2/26/2006 1:43 am

you shouldn't be talking considering your output lately!

just ribbin' ya

It's much more impressive to see him do it live than to read it too.


jadedbabe78 106F

2/26/2006 8:53 pm

He also did this at the beginning of his H B O special in December . It is impressive to hear him rattle it off.

And my cut and paste of the "Remember" post was also by George Carlin ....that's why it had a George Carlin feel.


2/27/2006 7:22 am

Hey jadedbabe,

I didn't know that your initial posting had also been written by Carlin. But it immediately reminded me of him because it's sort of a further elaboration on his old "stuff" line of thinking.

So I guess they really are sort of like companion peices. Sorry for all those evil comma's that the A-FF text editor somehow translates to question marks. I had to edit out and change every one of them before I posted it again here.


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