Changes they are a Comin'  

5219 posts
11/28/2005 3:34 pm

Last Read:
3/21/2006 10:43 pm

Changes they are a Comin'

First of all I must say in jest that it looks as if my blog here has quite a huge following in the world of chirping crickets! But I am thankful for the tiny band of loyal fans and
respondents that have appeared so far.

Today for the first time ever my father who turns 80 in about 2 weeks mentioned to me the idea of checking into the nearby old folks home where my grandmother kicked the bucket.

I moved back here from having been living and working in Denmark to help him and my mother to run the household in 1997. Mom died of lung failure in 2000 so it's just been dad and I since then. His hearing seems mostly eroded now even with a hearing aid but otherwise he doesn't seem to have that many problems. He refuses all drugs even if they are prescribed to him. That's also meant to say that he has no problems with substance abuse (Alcohol included) and currently is not supposed to be on any medications.

But it was sort of a shock to be discussing this with him today. One thing I know is that he will not tolerate having me literally take care of him and I think he now wants the social interaction that he'll get at the home. We are essentially both socially isolated at the moment.

And my fate? I haven't a clue. I've already slowly been losing my last remaining friend who's own age around here to the spectre of alcoholism but other than him there's really nobody who might notice my disappearance.

Professionally this area royally stinks for any of the areas I have any real interest or experience in. Abroad looks far more interesting.

Area of interest #1. The Czech Republic. I must read that Bohemian Highway blog!

Area of interest #2. My bother and family live in southern Sweden and have been thinking of openeing a Bed and Breakfast there.

I may be going absolutely nowhere else but where I am now but today I really had to start thinking about this stuff again.



kats60 56F

11/28/2005 4:22 pm

my dad turned 90 on oct, moms 80 also, dad has the start of alsheimers, hes nothing like he was, he was always full of piss and vinegar,he drives mom nuts now,he hasnt ever talked anout a home, course mom is still with him, they celebrated 55 years friday. good luck with your dad,,,,oh and dont talk like that about yourself,shame on you!!! kat

kats60 56F

11/28/2005 4:23 pm

oops, not 90 ,lol,,,80,,,hed kill me,,hehehe

silkysmoothlegs3 105F

11/28/2005 5:48 pm

wow my dads 60

Im sure you adore your dad

love silky xx

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
11/29/2005 9:11 pm

My Dad is 66 but his health isn't that good... I'm considering moving in with him when my lease runs out, he can use the extra income I'll bring in.

What are your areas of interest, anyway? And why are the interesting people always so far away from me?

The B&B sounds like a good idea, not everyone wants to go the 5-star route. I know I don't!

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


11/29/2005 9:37 pm

Hi Kats60,

you wrote...

"oh and dont talk like that about yourself,shame on you!!! kat"

which I assume was referring to when I said this...

"And my fate? I haven't a clue. I've already slowly been losing my last remaining friend who's own age around here to the spectre of alcoholism but other than him there's really nobody who might notice my disappearance."

I probably shouldn't have used the word 'fate' here as it may have added an air of "fatality" that I really did not intend.

A much better way to have said what I intended would be to have simply stated that there is little here where I currently reside other than my father that now ties me to this particular geographic location.

I can see that how I did originally verbally put it might have a tendency to overdramatize the situation.

Sorry about that!




11/29/2005 9:47 pm

Sikly wrote...

"Im sure you adore your dad"

I'm truly a chip off the old block. I look at pictures of him when we were both about 5 years old and we look identical. I'm like a more adventuresome offshoot of his same basic spirit. (this translates into meaning that I've broken more rules and have gotten into far more trouble than he ever allowed himself to get into).

And yes I love him as much as anything can be loved. When my mom died we royally squared off in ways that shocked the both of us. There really might be something to that old Oedipus myth. But that's all water under the bridge now and we are quite close.




11/29/2005 11:01 pm

Princess Karma "axed"...

"What are your areas of interest, anyway?"

In the most general sense they are art and music. I won't get into the specifics at the moment but they should eventually become much clearer as this blog progresses.



PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
11/30/2005 2:39 pm

"Axed"? *shudder* Even if it is a pun... at least I can tell about the art the music I am most curious about.

Oh, and you didn't answer my second question

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


12/1/2005 10:59 am

Pirincess Karma wrote...

"Oh, and you didn't answer my second question "

you mean this one?

"And why are the interesting people always so far away from me?"

I can't answer that one. So there's no interesting bananas in the banana republic?



12/2/2005 8:07 am

Hey HumboldtHonni!

I've read the beginnings and end sections of your blog but there's a whole lot in the middle that I must catch up on.

I may have quite a few questions for you at some point about the CR.



Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
12/5/2005 11:36 am

It's so interesting what we do for our families. We move to help them out, put our own lives sort of or completely on hold and make plans based upon how things are now and in the moment. Then something happens to change all that. Such as the situation with your father and we have to pause and rethink things. I have a developmentally disabled brother I provide a lot of assistance to. I always expected that to be my role since childhood. I've worked with him a lot throughout the years and it's paying off big time - he's becoming increasingly independant and doing really well. So I started making plans to sort of pull back and start living my life a bit different. My parents I never really thought of assisting. However, they are now aging and seem to require more and more of my time. So now I'm able to pull back with my brother, but am expending more time, love and energy with my parents. Happy to do it. But it is interesting how we see our roles and live our lives based on those roles and what occurs when we see that role about to change. Long post in response to what you wrote. But I could sort of feel you on this. Sudden or unexpected changes to the plans we have in relation to caring for others does make us question our future and can set us off balance a bit. Guess we need to plan for the best and the worst and make sure to plan for ourselves at the same time. Anyway, I'm rambling and probably not conveying what I really want to... Sorry... Just sort of felt you on your post...



12/8/2005 2:26 pm

Hey Whisper,

My mom recently died and as it turned out she needed absolutely no care whatsoerver.

But part fo me thinks this was by design on her own part.

She took care of her own mother as she was aging and she lived to 102 (my grandma) but my brother read in my moms diary after she had dies that she had written that she often wondered about the ocerall qualirttyof life that my grandmother had in her last 20 years.

he told me that he thinks that she had made the decision that she did not want to live that sort of life where you are dependent upon others.

Also what seemed to trigger my mom's eventual lung failure was hearing the news that her ypounger sister was in the hospitla with a potentially fatal condtion.

I actually suspect some sort of subconscious "she's not suppoed to die before me" types of felling in her. Oddly my aunt's condition nearly immediately cleared up upon heraing of my mom's failing lung. (that's right lung - one had been taken out long ago when she was 18 as an archaic treatment for tuberculosis).

My last memory of her is holding her hand while she unconscious was on a breathing machine in the emergency room. And then being the last person responsible for if she stayed on that machine or not. At that point thee was nothing that could medically be done for her but to keep her alive as a vegetable. Knowing full well that she her wishes if she were ever in this state was to go DNR (do not resucscitate) I honored her request (along with my dad) and they shut the machine down.

Watching the monitors flatline went without incident. It was only later that full force of the event hit me. I've still not fully gotten over it.

I really don't have any tatoos but the only one I've ever considered myself is the letters DNR placed over a tomato or some other vegetable.


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