|Blogs > JustMike008 > Much Ado About Nothing|
I want somebody who has a clue what women want to try and explain something.
They say they want a nice guy --- but inevitably dump on nice guys for so many years that nice guys cease being nice any longer (there is a reason why so many guys are "jerks". It's called experience).
They don't want a man who thinks about sex all of the time --- but if you're not trying to get in their pants every 5 minutes, they think you're rejecting them.
I can be laid back about sex if that is what you want, but then don't start pouting because I'm not trying to get a blowjob every 5 minutes out of you. I may want one, but if you say you want more than sex, I will actually take you seriously and believe you. And if I then am all over you for sex, don't gripe about that because it is exactly what you requested.
They say they want a man who has some intellect, but then end up dating guys who just recently stopped dragging their knuckles on the ground.
Women, if you want a guy you can spend your life with, you might want to stop treating guys who can be that like dirt. You may not LIKE the "smooth-talker", but I'll be damned if you won't give it up to them at the drop of a hat. You may like the bad boy, but you know he isn't going to stick around and then you'll have all of the good guys you ignored who will no longer give you the time of day because they don't see the point in doing so.
Men are inherently results-oriented creatures. We will do what works to achieve our goals and desires. That's hard-wired into our brains. If being nice, friendly, sensitive, and the like actually managed to attract women under the age of 50, more men would be doing so before women hit the age of 50.
But it doesn't work that way. I can name one woman in my life where actually being nice and chivalrous seemed to be beneficial to both sides and I was quite happy to treat her like a lady and behave like a gentleman.
We have to deal with women in school, college, fresh out of college, etc. and from them, we learn what works for them. Why do men assume a lot of women are gold diggers? Because, unfortunately, a lot of women in most of our experiences are gold diggers. I'm not saying you (if you're reading this) are a gold digger --- just that a lot of us have stories of women who only seemed to like us when we spent extravagantly on them.
Why do we assume women like men who will ignore them? Because that is what we have observed for large periods of time to be the case. I may not be a scientist, but I do enough about the concept of stimulus and response to make reasonable deductions about human behavior.
I'm still willing to assume a woman who simply wants a good time with a nice guy exists. But I also freely admit that I won't get too close because I've learned it seldom works out that way. I can be nice and calm, friendly and patient, charming and erudite, witty and kind, charming and passionate. I'd love to be all of those.
It just doesn't quite seem like that is the way to get a woman nowadays. Women want a challenge. I've actually had to INVENT problems of mine so women would feel like they're fixing something. Who in the world wants that?
I don't ever cheat, but that's never stopped women from accusing me of it and using the accusation to justify THEIR infidelity. Seems a little backwards, if you were to ask me.
Is this (passion.com) the best place to find somebody?
It seems like as solid a starting point as any. I won't deny that I want sex. I'm a man. Oral, anal, the whole nine yards --- I want it all.
I'd also like a real friendship. I might even like more. I don't have a clue how far I'm willing to go with anybody any longer in terms of any attachment. I, however, will not close the door on the possibility. If all somebody wants is a friend with benefits, I'll be the best friend you'll ever have. If you want more, I'll be the best man you've ever been with.
But have an idea what you want. I'm quite adaptable, but I won't suddenly become something more or less than you initially stated to want.
11/15/2005 11:05 am
This entry is so extremely close to how I live my life. It’s not like I ever wanted it to be that way. It was just due to experience. |
My dad goes out with only good-looking girls. They can be totally insane and he wouldn’t care. My ex-step mother was prescribed every type of medication there was, and still he loved her because she sexy. I don’t think you would call anorexic sexy, but he did.
I had a relationship where the guy had a serious habit (drugs) did not like and I decided to continue the relationship as long as he would attempt to slowly get rid of his habit. I realize he couldn’t quit cold turkey, so I decided to be patient and help him out. One day I was at his apartment with a bunch of his friends and I asked him if he did his habit. He replied that he didn’t and his friend replied the same thing. A few moments later my boyfriend said to his friend without me knowing I was listening, “You didn’t have to do that”. At that moment I knew he lied to me and actually had a friend that would lie for him. I questioned him about it later and he confesses, once I told him I heard everything. From that moment everything I asked him I started questioning whether he was being honest with me. Is he telling the truth? Is he lying? It wasn’t the reason why he lied. It was the fact he lied. I didn’t want to continue a relationship with someone who I am always questioning whether he’s telling the truth. The next day I spoke to him. I told him it wasn’t working out, and we mutually agreed that it would be best to go our separate ways.
Another friendship I had, I knew him for a couple weeks. I told him I didn’t want to be pressured into anything. I told him that I would like to take my time with him. He agreed, but he said that he doesn’t mind going slowly as long I progress reasonably. I thought that was fine for the moment until one day we went to the beach and when we got there he told me that he was going to kiss me by the end of the day. At that moment I felt like I was on a time line. Also, you don’t tell someone you are going to kiss them later on in the day. If a kiss is going to happen it has to happen naturally. When he leaned in to kiss me, I couldn’t kiss him back, and he got very frustrated with me. He couldn’t understand. By putting me on timelines, he was pressuring me and I felt like I was blocked in a corner with no way out. He took me home and I haven’t spoke to him since.
My first boyfriend was in grade 9. I was 14. That lasted a year. It ended pretty badly. If I would’ve stayed in that relationship, I probably would have dropped out of school, ended up pregnant, and would’ve been a drug addict.
My second relationship was in my first year of college. Age 18. 4 years later. That relationship lasted a week. He was the one that was dishonest with me (as described above).
I’m 20 years old and I haven’t had a boyfriend since. I guess it’s because I know what I’m looking for. I usually find myself analyzing guys before I can even consider going out with them. The things I look for in a guy are honest, patience, no drugs, not an alcoholic, and of course no abuse of any kind, including physical ,emotional, and sexual.
Every guy that I have encountered has these traits. I don’t mean to be picky, but these are reasonable requests. I know what I’m looking for and I just can’t seem to find it. I love getting to know a guy. I welcome anybody that wants to be my friend, but to take things to the next level, I just can’t seem to do that. Maybe I’m afraid or something. Maybe I’m too picky.
Well, I guess you’re sick and tired of me rambling on. You probably think I’m a loser. Just like everybody else I encounter. But, your blogs seem to show something else. I felt comfortable typing this to you. Either way I’ll end this very long reply.
11/15/2005 10:50 pm
Never feel that your comments aren't welcome. You have plenty to offer and need to realize that for yourself.|
And I imagine all of us have gone the "being with a drug addict" route. My ex-fiancee had a raging habit that I, most likely, ignored all of the signs of until we moved to NJ, when I couldn't ignore her passing out on our den floor with her coke dealer. I ignored it, largely, because she was amazing sexually. Absolutely amazing. Easily the best I've ever been with to this very day.
I have no problem taking sex slowly if that is what the girl wants. Thing is, far too many women will get angry if you actually take them at their word. You don't go fast enough and they'll be angry. I can go extremely slowly if that is what is desired --- but when women get angry and think you're indecisive because you are following the rules set up, it does generate bitterness and resentment in men.
After all, if doing what the girl says she wants you to do only leads to her still being mad at you, how does one avoid any bitterness?
It's not like the man will say "no". If I hear a girl tell me how much she hates guys who only want sex, then she had best initiate the initial contact herself or not complain when my ability to read her mind is not as good as she thinks it should be.
It is good that you know what you're looking for in life. I also hope that you don't settle for less than you ultimately want --- because I am aware that there are plenty of men who can talk the good game. All I can advise you is to really try and give a guy a chance who treats you well. Pretty is nice --- but a personality and kindness are significantly more rare.