This is me as i see myself - love me or hate me - i  

JustKeiChan 45F
5 posts
8/2/2005 5:20 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

This is me as i see myself - love me or hate me - i


I'm a 33yo Japanese girl...who grew up in a small hick town in SW New Jersey...I was adopted when I was 10 days old and have been in the "garden state" since I was 10 months old.

Yes, I may be Japanese, but I tend to be more "German/Polish" in my thinking. You may be scratching your head and thinking now how is that possible? My Dad is German & from the Great Depression Era and my Mom is German/Polish & from the Baby Boomer Era.

I grew up in a lower middle class, blue collar, pro union, pro military, flag waving kind of house hold. You know the kind of household that never was allowed to watch a movie if Jane Fonda was in it.

I'm Buddhist, but was baptised Methodist...went to Catholic school from 2nd grade to 7th grade.

I suffer from depression. I've atempted suicide. I've been in the "nut house" a few times.

I know what it's like to be hated for the color of your skin.

I know what it's like to fight for your life as the person you love is trying to kill you.

I know the damage done by mental, physical and emotional abuse.

I know that it takes more then LOVE to make things work.

I know what it's like to be hated for your religon.

I know what it's like when you tell someone you are bipolar and they look at you like you have 2 heads and think that you're moments away from going into a crowded area and blowing everyone away.

I know what it's like to be hated for things for the wrongs of your "country's" past. Just because I'm Japanese.
Funny...

these things haven't made me hard...

I still believe in that there is good in the world. I love life and all it has to offer.

I love being a Mom.

I love my boys even when they drive me crazy.

I love hugs.

I love the human touch.

I love the way the sun feels on my face.

I love the way the grass feels on my feet.

I love the way everything is brand new to my children and I get to see the world through their eyes. It's great.

I have many blessings that they outweigh the "bad" in my life...the things that help my life force burning.

I'm not sure where I'm getting at...but I do know that I say the love word way too much and that people get freeked out by it. I just LOVE people and it's on different levels...it's not the love of all loves..

I do things for people because I want too. I want people to be happy. I don't have alterior motives for this and wonder if I do x,y & z for so and so, what will they do for me in the future nor do you hold that fact over their heads, as if they are indebted to you for life.

I truely do care about my friends whom are in my life. When I ask someone how they are, I truely want to know.

Please be honest with me. That's all I ask.

Lately, I'm just burning bridges left and right for fear of getting hurt.

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