"The Date" Dissected  

Juliet610 51F
802 posts
3/2/2006 5:41 pm

Last Read:
5/29/2006 4:35 am

"The Date" Dissected

I've given this post a lot of thought, and I'm still not sure how to proceed. I think I'll just write whatever pops in my head, and edit it later, if I need to.

As I said at the end of my "Pussy Party" post, the women in my family have an agenda to fulfill: Find Julz a Man. I've been able to resist them for the most part, but at some point I got so tired of fighting them, it was just easier to give in. I decided I'd go on the damn date, be kind and polite, and at the earliest possible moment, say good night. I always have a back-up safety plan worked out with Lacey and her SO (significant other) in the event I am ever uncomfortable. I figured I could use it if this guy was like the last one The Family fixed me up with. Don't ask, okay? It was truly awful!

Well, Mr. 2006 and I met at the pre-determined place. I was pleasantly surprised to see that he looked just like the photo he had sent me, so I could identify him. He's tall--6' 2", light brown hair, deep brown eyes, and a smile that sucked me right in. He had charm, wit, old fashioned manners, and to top it all off, a slight southern drawl. The time passed quickly as we were enjoying ourselves, which was really sort of scary, considering the circumstances of our meeting. I was reminded of the arranged marriages of long ago, although this wasn't even in the same ball park.

Before we knew it, it was time to call it a night. I had a commitment Saturday which required some driving, so I need to get enough sleep to be safe. We exchanged email addys and cell numbers, and he leaned in to kiss me. WHOA! I hadn't been kissed like that in a long time and decided one kiss was definitely not enough. But the thing is, a dozen kisses wasn't enough either.

So where do I go from here? If I tell The Family I kind of like this guy, they're going to be insufferable. They'll go on a mission to find a man for every available female in The Family. They'll never let me forget that THEY were the ones who talked me into meeting this guy. I don't know if I can live with the inflated egos, the elbows to the side, the nudges and winks. But then I think about The Guy, and the word that comes to mind is Potential.

As always, your thoughts are welcome!

skullous 35M
11 posts
3/2/2006 6:22 pm

Hey first off, let me tell you about my background so you'd know that i'm (over)qualified to comment
My name is Elie, and I'm Lebanese. Lebanese (and all mediterranean)families have the tendency to butt in everything in the "inexperienced" new generations (which can range till the age of 40 if it really had to) Because we dont know shit & they know better blah blah blah...

My "advice" is you shouldn't care but about your own feelings. Don't make a decision you (know you) will regret later on. In the end they are your family & want you to be happy. So be happy! If it means being with the guy -that happened to be a family arrangement, so what!
You can always remind them how awful the previous set-ups were.
Anyways, you think if it doesn't work out they'd stop harrassing you? hehe...

lonely2223 61F

3/2/2006 6:40 pm

well if you realy like this guy gtve him a try. Never know if he is the right one....good luck

BiKitsapGuy 54M

3/3/2006 6:55 am

Sweet Juliet. Last I knew, happiness never had a roadmap to follow nor did it ever have rhyme or reason in how it finds you. I say that you embrace what has serendipitously "fallen into your lap". As far as THE FAMILY, let them crow and take their boastful bows. Afterall, they did have their hand in the introduction. Just make sure they know that even though they may have provided you a candle, you are the one who struck the match and will ultimately be the one to keep the flame burning.

muffnut 52M

3/3/2006 10:14 pm

Your Life is your expectations and realizations. If you allow yourself, your Life, to become anyone elses expectations or realizations then you aren't Living your Life but someone elses. It sounds like you are bowing to someone elses expectations and not your own so you may end up Living someone elses definition/expectations for your Life and thus will be unhappy when you realize that you are. You experess this in what your write, you are uneasy and unhappy about the feeling associated with being uneasy about Living someone elses expectations. Issue 1
Regardless of how you met you should ask yourself if the "potential" situation at hand makes you happy at the time. If you found something you were looking for to Live and share? If so throw the dice, take a chance, and remember it is better to have Loved (and hopefully not lost) then to never Love at all. Are you ready to perhaps Love again? Issue 2.
Those are the 2 issues that you posted and they separate of each other, niether answer will be the answer for the other. But yes or no could be the same answer for both.
The answers I would chose, and I only offer issues and options to others and never chose for them... Is that given the "potential" I would throw dice and take the chance of sharing Love and Life again even if I ended up getting "hurt" or Living "loss" again! Mainly because I have Lived "better to Love and Lost" and was very happy before the loss and that has empowered me to seek and share better Love and Life time and time again...I would chose to NOT Live someone elses expecations, definitions, and realizations; it is my Life, I define my happiness unless I share what I define with another.
The choices are and must be yours!
We are human, all we have to share and Live in Life is relationships.

TallOutdoorType 55M

3/4/2006 11:40 am

Jules, Jules, Jules, you are thinking too much!

If you feel that much chemistry with the guy, GO FOR IT you silly goof. Who cares how you found him? Your desire to avoid stroking your family's ego is YOUR ego talking. Listen to your heart instead.

Based on the content of your profile and blog, I know you know this already. I'm just reminding you of it. Listen to your heart.


Juliet610 51F

3/4/2006 11:20 pm

Thank you ALL for your thoughtful words.

Outdoor, you're right--I was thinking too much, and not listening to my heart. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was letting my ego go head-to-head with THE FAMILY'S. Who's gonna win that pissing match do you think? They will, hands down--there's more of them!

Muffn, I think you may have hit my hesitation dead on: It's not much how we met that was bugging me, as was the question, Am I perhaps ready to love again? I've been divorced almost as long as I was single before I got married. I'm finally comfortable with my life the way it is, and I'm a bit nervous to rock the boat.

Sweet Kitsap, you are so right, there is no road map, no crystal ball, no guarantees. And really, I don't want that. I want the wild ride, that take-my -breath -away feeling. But at the same time, I admit, I'm afraid one of us will end up hurting the other. Isn't that the chance you take when you open yourself up to love? But your second point covers that: It is up to me to keep the fire burning. You (wisely) took my advice, so I feel it only wise to take yours now. (Keep me posted on how that is working out, please?)

Handsum, Lonely, and Skull: You all said it well, too. The only way I'll know is if I take a chance--I just haven't gambled in a very long time. But I will keep you all informed.

Billy4utoo 55M
3 posts
3/5/2006 12:33 pm

Let me tell you a story. Several years ago I found myself as a single parent. Not realy interested in dating but... I have a life long friend who was relentless.. every couple of days he would call and ask me if I wanted to go on a blind date.. Finaly I agreed, We had a great time. I was not looking to get involved with anyone but low and behold we have been together ever since... it's been 8 years!
So .... go for it.. you'll never know until you give it a try.

rm_aujus111 51M

3/5/2006 10:52 pm

You really need to just let things happen. Take things as they come and not think about how your family will be if this works or not. Your feelings are the things that will make it or break it. If you enjoy Mr.2006 just see were it goes. Have fun with your life and gamble a little. This is something I have told myself to do, and I hope the best for you in this. its scary but give it a try, roll the dice.

candlesman1 56M
7 posts
3/6/2006 11:53 pm

JULES, When the "KISS" says something listen.....at least long enough to understand it.......

newladyfriend 59M/59F
4 posts
3/8/2006 8:09 am

Damn Girl. You analyze the problem, ask the question and seem to provide the answer all at the same time. You seem to be intelligent, logical and well thought out. Maybe too much so. Don’t over analyze, you already know in your heart what to do. Do it, take a chance. Yes I know all the bad things may happen, from the family issues to a broken heart. Again, if it seems right, take a chance. Go slow. At this point most everything is based on the physical, work on the relationship, trust and communications. You will know if it’s right or not. Also be kind and careful with his heart. Men although strong can hurt as deeply as we ladies do.

Remember you have no say in who your family is, but you totally control who your lover, friend and sole mate will be. I know first hand about both a broken heart and how awesome it is when the sun shines again.

Go slow, listen to both what is and isn’t said, be careful and enjoy.

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