|Blogs > JohnerH > My Innocence...|
I'm back in the routine, it's like I was never away somehow.
To add the icing on the cake,a 9 day stretch really doesn't help.
Today was a particularly hard one. It just seemed to drag on, with a infinite amount of problems just popping up all over the place.
One thing I have come to notice at work. Some people come in do their hours and go. No motivation, no spark no nothing, just in, out, home...
I used to think those people where kind of sad, until all of sudden I actually came up with a very personally view of the why to this.
Not everyone has the same kind of aspirations.
Some people are really happy with the little and simple things in life, while others just need a multiplex of complications around them for everything to make sense.
After all this I actually sat down and thought for a bit. So, what kind of person am I then? How do I lead my lifestyle and within it how do I feel happy?
Funny enough I didn't come up with a good answer. I came across various facts about me but nothing conclusive.
There was a time that I was that kind of person that would just be content in going to work (or school), coming home, have tea, watch some tv and that was it.
Other times, I just needed to have everything hovering over my head to feel like I was living. I went out, I met people, I had a group of friends that where in the same kind of frame of mind I was, all and all I just had a blast and lived every day like it was my last.
Now? Well, I tend to think it's a bit of a mix.
Professionally, I want to progress (although I'm going to get made redundant next year.... hhuurraaaahhhh!) , I don't really know here I want to progress to, but then again I've got time I suppose (I'm only a baby...).
Socially? Well, I finally decided that staying in the house all that time that I'm out of work just wasn't cutting it anymore, so now I just want to meet new people, I want to become involved in things, I want the pub, I want the chat....... I want to kinda learn on how to live again
Hmmmmmm, but hey who knows, for all I know, in a couple of years I'll be the 9 to 5 chap with no aspirations to be anything else...
6/5/2005 3:32 pm
You know J, I am the opposite there. I didn't have a 'normal' childhood either. I didn't even start 'living' my life until I was in my early 20s. But, ok, that's irrelevent here. |
For five years, I did what I wanted and when I wanted and just didn't really care about my life. I was going to do what I wanted and no one was going to stop me. I partied, I also became a singer, I got into the music industry, did some background work like promoting, producing, managing, etc. In that industry there are alot of crazy people who do crazy stuff. So, needless to say, my life was what I yearned for. I had such a strict upbringing and I wanted to 'live'. I wanted to 'feel' alive. I became pretty popular for a while. However, I never felt like I fit in. I never felt 'at home' in all of this. I felt like an outsider. I then realized, this isn't what I want! This isn't life! This is too crazy!
I then, moved back to my home city, stayed in a shelter (just my choice). I wanted to start from the bottom up, from scratch. I wanted to find who I am in this world. Why am I here? What am I doing here? what is supposed to be my purpose?
I found a nice, good paying job, I got married, had two children. My brother once said to me "when you try to forget something, you are doomed to relive it!". I thought, "This guy is nuts!". He doesn't know what he is talking about! What does he know? He's my age! (my twin) Well, I had a very rough marriage to say the least. It seems everything I had been running from my WHOLE LIFE, I had to relive in one big nightmare, my husband!
So, now what has all of this taught me?
To be happy with my life. Sometimes simplicity is the richness we are seeking. 'Boring, old' routine is better than waking up not knowing where you are going to stay, or how you are going to feed yourself or your kids, or how you are going to stay alive another day, etc. Alot of people really need all of this like they need to take another breath!
So, ok, my moral of this: Embrace what is your life as you know it. Value everything and everyone as they come and happen in your life. Your life is alot richer and fuller because of the simplicity in it. My life isn't so simple but, when I start to worry or get down about it, I look back and see just how far I come.... Then, I hug my girls. We sit outside and just absorb the sun, air, and what is life as we know it. Since I have learned to do that, I have found meaning, I am rarely, if at all bored, I have a sense of peace withing myself that noone can shake. And I embrace my cup that is half full, which is life as I know it.
I know I am just going on and on. I just felt moved to share this with you after relating what you had written. I hope at least some of this makes sense to you and helps you some.
You may not know your purpose or what makes you happy J. But, as long as you ARE happy and not hurt, or distressed, or confused, or you get my drift, embrace your life and take it one day at a time.
I myself love the routine in my life. I love the simplicity.