|Blogs > JohnerH > My Innocence...|
Todays blog comes in a confessional manner to start off.
Before I start blabbing about whatever I'm about to blab about,I'd just like to say that, I'm not a depressed sentimental git that just uses this to excuse himself.
In fact the reason I do this is mostly because its a good way to vent out the stuff that's currently inside doing my head in and that I really just wanna get out in the open and off my head.
Must people talk about their sex lives and all the things related to it. Me I use this to express my ideias and expressions that would otherwise just go to wast in my vast little box of meaningless views and opinions. (Although I do know there's a better place to this then on AdultFriendFinder, but hey, I can't be arssed )
Second, since I'm not accustomed to writing. I just tend to write when there's actually something worth writing about.
So please excuse me if all the stuff that comes out of here is mostly rubbish from a close to juvenile dementia mind that resizes within me.
Right down to what I really wanna blur out.
For the past couple of weeks I've been pondering on what I really want to do with my life. I know I probably touched this before somewhere, but fact of the matter is that it's really been haunting me.
I've been living out this routine of getting up, going to work coming home, cooking my dinner, cooking tomorrow's lunch, replying to a couple of emails, watching some telly and then finally going to bed again. (Yes it is actually this boring... and yes 9 out of 10 times this is what ACTUALLY happens...)
i.e.: that one time I didn't follow the routine was last Friday and look where that got me.
But anyway, yes, so what I am going to do with my life? Shall I just live like Baz Luhrmann suggests? I.e: live till I'm 40 and still not know what I really want to do?
Fact of the matter is I'm quite well of, I have my own place paid for, I have a job which for the most part is quite good. I have financial stability for the first time in my whole life, but, what next ?
Get the girl, get the marriage, get the kid, get the family? Next thing I know I'm living out the Trainspoing opening monolog.
It really does scare me figuring out what do to. What I do know is that situation were I am now really doesn't do it anymore. Fair enough I'm better off then most people I guess, but then again it's like I got here by automation (I think I've explain this personal automation cycle I have with work before so I'm not going to explain it again...).
I worked by ass off and now that I'm at this level it's just like, wow... Nothing else to conquer. Thinking about it, there are ave course, stuff I want to do. Like my degree, growing up I've always had this “echo” at the back of my mind saying, “Get a degree, get a degree...”. This would be specially useful in the area of expertize I want and enjoy... But then,
Some people will turn around and say you don't need one. For as long as you have a good pair of hands and a strong will, anything is possible and doable. To be honest, I can't really disagree on this one, I got where I am today plainly on that very principle.
But going back,isn't it bloody frustrating when you really don't know what to do? I guess most people have gone through this on one occasion or another. Ave course most people get this dilemma on a more conventional circumstance like, what do after going to the picture, you know just plain stuff like that.
Not like, do I want to be a doctor or a lawyer? Do I want to be a fireman or a Police man ?(haven't we all been through this is on as well, hey)
And that pretty much is where I am now... I suppose I could just continue going from one office job to another and just “living” life as it comes, but I'm too bloody competitive. I'm not the sort of person that could just lie back and do the same thing for 20 years, somehow, again, it just doesn't “click”.
I'm sure one day I'll wake up and a light bulb will go off in my head with the solution to this...
In the meantime I'll just continue to duel on this until I finally get so tired of it that I'll just end up doing something harsh like travel for 10 years in a row... Which by the way isn't such a bad idea....
AGAIN! Decisions, decisions...
Or maybe I'll just get together with that “one” person that will make all of this just like one big book with a happy ending...
At least I'm still a believer I guess...
Enough today... I have something else that's been bugging me, but that's another day...
This was brought to you while I was ironically listening to Nina Simone and “Sinner man”... Don't I just have a funny way of playing games with myself?
6/18/2005 7:30 pm
I am still learning too play with myself... but so thought provoking!|
6/19/2005 10:15 pm
If you still haven't figured out what you want to do in *checking calendar* oh, three years or so... there may be the option of the ready-made family.|
6/19/2005 11:27 pm
You know, I was feeling the same way about a week ago. I just HAD to change SOMETHING in my life before I went crazy. Well, I have two children. I just started getting out more. For the most part, I took them places (Dallas World Aquarium, Amusement Parks, etc.) I have also taken time out for myself. I went out (for the first time in about five years) and dance my pretty little arse off! LOL! Drank a little (which was really needed). But, that may not be the solution for you. Personally, I would suggest taking up something new. I don't mean your job. Sit back and think. What do YOU really want to do. Is there anything you were ever curious about? Research and learn something new. Who knows? You may just find something!|
And who knows...you may just find 'the one'!
One thing I do know is that 'the one' rarely comes along when you are actually looking. I don't 'look' for 'the one'. I figure I will just feel it when I meet him. OR if I do know him, I just have to meet him. Well, ok, now I'M just babbling on. I'm pooped and going to bed. I hope this helps in some way. gnite hun.
BTW, I guess the one big thing I changed about my life is that I FINALLY went into business for myself! Two days into the start of it, I had two calls! So, I'm excited.
Like I said, I hope something here helps.
6/20/2005 10:43 am
Elysia, would you mind expanding on the "ready-made" family? |
Most be because I just got off work coz I didn't get it... (I have an ideia of what you mean, but I'd rather you tell me )
SpnshButrfly, I know -exactly- what you mean by getting a new hobby in fact I have, I've started salsa lessons. Not only that but I've started to retake an old (good) habit, to play and study chess to once again play competitively.
As for the 'one' well... I dunno... I think your right, in fact I know your right but never the less, I still feel, coz I've had it once before and I kinda want it again...
OR, I might go back to my -OLD- (BAD) ways and just act like a normal bloke for my age and just get pissed every night and shag everything with 2 legs
Acho que no final de contas ainda sou um rapaz num alma de adulto.
6/21/2005 6:33 am
Lo siento, no comprendo muy bien la idioma portuges pero entendi las palabras 'que no final' y 'alma de adulto'. lol!|
Aver si me enseñas portuges y yo te enseño español. Que dices? ^_^
6/21/2005 6:47 am
Salsa is always fun! I guess I am lucky. I've never had to take lessons for any type of dance. I have a natural rhythm and can just pick things up. Once the music starts, I get going! LOL!|
I am glad you are getting into new (or even old but good) hobbies.
I was going to tell you that dance is good for the soul.
I see you like Brazil and I assume you know at least a little about their customs and music. Samba is crazy fun too!
I recently started taking up Capoeira. So, we'll see how that goes! LOL! It's been a while since I've practice any form of martial arts and Capoeira has that fun twist to it!
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find 'the one' hun. It is nice to see that you still believe in that. That makes two of us. I guess I've just gotten a little discouraged and so, I just don't 'look' for 'the one'. But, one thing I do know is that even though you are looking, 'the one' still seems to come when you least expect it. When it does, you will still be surprised! LOL!
I do miss that feeling.
El amor llegara cuando menos lo esperes.
6/21/2005 12:05 pm
You have a deal..|
I understand it, but I can't speak it very well
Well, like you I was born with the natural rhythm you where on about, being Latino does have it's advantages I guess...
The reason I'm doing the salsa thing is not necessarily because I don't know how to dance, but more towards the I want to perfect it side...
I know what you mean about the certain someone just showing up... I've quit looking I'm just going to live things one day at a time...
Know what? You are one lucky git...
I wish I had capoeira here... But unfortunately there isn't any here... It's one of those things I've always wanted to do but never had the chance to...
Ohhh, well, chess and salsa will have to do for the time being....
And again I agree with the last phrase hun... It's too bloody true sometime....
6/21/2005 6:10 pm
Well, I can pretty much make out what is being said when I read it and sometimes when I hear it. Spanish and Portuguese are very similar. I know that 'como te llamas' is 'que tu nom' which the literal meaning is 'que es tu nombre'. So, just paying attention, I can catch on for the most part. |
I agree about the perfecting salsa. It would be nice. I'd be a bad student though. LOL! I'd get too happy and do my own thing. hee!
I've had that problem from time to time. I would have to be patient to perfect it.
Well, I've been practicing Capoeira here at home. I know the ginga really well and I am starting to TRY getting familiar with some of the other moves. I just wish I could spin up in the air like most of the Capoeiristas can! LOL! I know of a man (can't think of his name although it's on the tip of my tongue) who is pretty well known who has a school here in Irving, I believe or Lancaster. Something like that. I was just waiting to lose some weight so that it would be easier for me to do the moves. Somehow, these past few days, I've been shedding the pounds like water! As to how, you got me! I guess being out in the sun running around with my girls is doing it. If I am not out and about, I am at the pool since my girls are learning to swim and they just looove the 'watee'! I notice I've been having wayy more energy than usual. So, I figured this would be a good time to get into Capoeira. I just need a sitter for the girls, and I can start classes. I want to get them into it as well when they get a little older.
I'm not big on chess. I guess it's cause I haven't really taken the time to play it. I love games like Chinese Checkers (I'm almost unbeatable ^_^) and Reversi.
It's too bad we don't live closer! I'm sure we could have alot of fun! It seems we have quite a bit in common. That's just my luck, I guess.
I almost forgot to ask: you say you are latin. What is your origin?
6/22/2005 9:32 pm
Ok, you just answered those questions in the message you sent. ^_^ |
How's your week going so far?
6/22/2005 10:21 pm
It's ok... work day 2 out of 10... taking it easy...|