I had someone send me an e-mail...saying a should post something deep....  

JoLeeS 40F
249 posts
5/2/2005 6:34 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I had someone send me an e-mail...saying a should post something deep....

SO here goes..... Just off the top of my head... Since I just got off the phone with my soon to be ex.... What would you do..if your best friend of 19 years stabbed you in the back.... Not only did she sleep with your husband of 9 years(together 10) but decided that they were in love(and she is married as well...states she loves them both..liar that she is.....)and he left you and his son..... Then she decides she does not love him... And sends ya a letter saying "I am sorry.... I am a bad person.. Let's be friends again....." Does she actually think I would buy into that or what? The soon to be ex...says he loves her...and he loves you... He is confused.. I told him...confused or no..he is not coming back..... So what would you do?

JoLeeS 40F

5/2/2005 6:35 pm

Maybe too deep.... But oh well...

rm_49erDee 67M

5/2/2005 6:51 pm

Tell 'em both to go to Hell

rm_BigDnLady 43M/40F
1140 posts
5/2/2005 6:52 pm

I understand how you feel! It is one thing that your friend would betray you in such a way, but to have the ONE who made vows to you betray you WITH her is just disgusting and disrespectful!! (A very good ex. as to why I don't have many female friends!!) I am not gonna say for you not to take him back, nor am I gonna say YES take him back!! You have to answer a few questions honestly to yourself before you make any decision!! Do you love him? Does he deserve another chance? Why? How would you feel without him? Would counselling help? What can he do to earn your trust back? Somewhere I read this: "...in all honesty we cannot say that a broken heart cannot, in all honesty, be completely mended, only sutured. But we can assure you that once the stitches come out, you'll be left with a hideous scar that your friends (and future lovers) will admire with sympathy.And though the scar itself won't make the agony you've suffered worthwhile, it will at least provide inspiration for some great and tragic tale." Just be honest with yourself, for you, your son, and for your husband!! If you ever want to talk to someone who has come through your situation, as well as mental, and physical abuse just give me a shout!!


eggy58 58M

5/2/2005 6:52 pm

Well, I know how it feels but, there could be some good from this try a threesome or foursome and see what happens.....

imbigT 50M  
1 post
5/2/2005 6:53 pm

Kick them both to the curb

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
5/2/2005 6:53 pm

tell friend to get knicked and see what you can resurrect of your marriage, you did once love him enough to marry him.....mistakes are made and lessons learned.


purejoy4fem 46F/44F
682 posts
5/2/2005 6:54 pm

Kick them both to the curb. A cheater always cheats, and if she was a true friend, she never would have taken up with your husband.

rm_me_again419 50M

5/2/2005 6:56 pm

I don't know man, that's a hard one. Girlfriend is gone but the husband... You had 10 years together and kids. However if he still tells you he still loves the other women. See if he slipped up and and just had sex for the sex, it's betrail but if he falls in love with an other woman it's betrail of a higher degree.

On the other hand love is an emotion that is hard to curb for some people. Some confuse sex and love and for those it's hard to see the trap.

My advice is to honestly talk to him, find out if he's confusing sex with love (more commen than you think). It takes more than a ten minute phone conversation of course but if you have any feelings for him at all, and you think you can reach down deep enough to forgive it's worth the try. Remember 10 years is a long time to be together with someone and in 10 years things can and will happen.

Think about it.

AltoonaGuyHere 48M
1 post
5/2/2005 7:18 pm

I had my ex for 11 years cheat on me and I told her to hit the road. Your don't need that with all the good people out there that are honest and trustworthy.

sweetestdesire4 58M/59F

5/2/2005 7:26 pm

Take a breath - keep the door open. Don't "decide" - just be open to your need to heal and let the passing of time make things clearer. You need to look out for your own well being and realize your emotions are what needs attending to right now. You've been betrayed and abused - you are NOW in control. You need to realize that - you were taken advantage of by those you trusted. Let them both know that you deserve and demand so much more. Then step back and be in no rush. See how life feels for you without the pressure of knowing what to do.

The right thing will become clear when you are ready.

Peace and Good Luck!

cochise226922 46M

5/2/2005 7:28 pm

The friend is no longer worthy of such an illustrious title. She should be kicked to the curb without a second thought. You have a much deeper decision to be made with your husband...weigh that decision carefully.

leicesterguy85 32M
24 posts
5/2/2005 8:11 pm

First thing: WOW JoLeeS this is certainly a different post to distinguish it from your others!
Secondly: It's easy to say 'yeah kick him to curb' etc, but how do YOU feel about it? You've been left with a kid with its father, I'm sure that thought is strong enough to want to take him back regardless, but then you could always go 'even' and have your affair to... does this bother him? If so he loves you, if not he's probably got something else to keep his mind occupied...GOOD LUCK whatever you decide to do

rm_anthoney65 51M/41F
30 posts
5/3/2005 3:25 am

My first impulse would be to throw them both out but the advice to wait and think a while before you decide is good.
On a similar deep note I find it interesting (in a good way) that in a group where physical sex is often shared freely that emotional or physiological betrayal is still important. That most of the people here place a high value emotional bonds and honesty makes me feel good about the people and the lifestyle here.

leicesterguy85 32M
24 posts
5/3/2005 4:06 am

Babes...follow your heart, ok your friend didn't do right by you, but i don't think you should throw away years of friendship because that way when you see them it'll hurt more than willing to give him away?

lustmirror 63M
2897 posts
5/4/2005 12:39 pm

borrow tons of money from both of them,
and then just think about it all for a while,
maybe in some warm, cozy place.

JoLeeS 40F

5/5/2005 2:52 pm

You guys are great! I ahve been away awhile.... Sorry bout that... lots of good advice here... The friend will never ever be a friend of mine again..... He says he does not know what he wants.... This is the second time he has done this... Though the first time he didn't love the person.... So...once a cheater... Always a cheater.... We do ahve a kid together... That part will never change.... 10 years is a long time... I kind of feel cheated... Kind of like I wasted a huge chunk of my life..... I had a lot of things I wanted to do.... I was actually going to go back to school until he basically sold everything while i was at my moms(he bought her stuff with the money....).... Even sold the kiddos playstation.... I forgive him, but cannot ever forget.... When I saw them together it was just all I could do to stop from losing it.... I can thank him for making me a much stronger person though.... I am paying all the bills by myself... Buying a house... A new(used car).... Redid the entierty of my hosue... With the help of my family... And now i don't take crap from anyone...

leicesterguy85 32M
24 posts
5/6/2005 10:21 am

Congratulations It's always good to see the bright side of things... Just YOU wait, when the right guy comes into your life, it will be THEM (or HIM rather) that will be jealous he will want you back Good luck for the future

JoLeeS 40F

5/6/2005 4:43 pm

It's kind of funny.... If i get a phone call around him... He gets real mad... But I do not care... Most of the people that call me are buds from work... And are all females.... Maybe I will find somone...

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