Granting Forgiveness  

JaniceSCRN 53F
396 posts
8/15/2005 6:25 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Granting Forgiveness

Four year old Janice climbed out of the bed she shared with her mother. She could not sleep because her mother smelled from not bathing in several days. For her this is normal. Instead of going to the couch to sleep with her Daddy, she goes instead to her older brother's room. They are 14 and 15 years old, Ronald and Donald.
It is here she is forced to put her mouth on their penis.
Twenty-seven year old Janice at a family reunion is very stressed and nervous. She has come to this reunion to confront her abusers. She asks to speak to her brother Ronald. She says "You made me put my mouth on your penis when I was four years old." Her brother broke into loud sobs and fell to his knees. He said, " I am so sorry" " I should have never done that to you" " Will you forgive me" Janice granted him forgiveness and started that day to rebuild their relationship. Ronald died three years later. I wept for the loss of my brother.
At the same family reunion, Janice asks to speak to her brother Donald. She says " You made me put my mouth on your penis when I was four years old" Her brother flatly denied the accusation. He got very angry and said " How dare you bring such things up" To this day I have nothing to do with my brother Donald.
Granting forgiveness to those that ask for it, is part of the healing process. Divorcing or putting those out of your life that deny their actions is part of the healing process. I will continue to speak out against abuse of any kind!!!

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
8/16/2005 9:35 pm

Again my heart goes out to you for the difficult childhood you endured to become the courageous woman you are now.

"And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God."

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

AtomicKisss 58M

8/17/2005 5:26 am


My heart goes out to you. As an incest survivor also, I am keenly aware of the damage that it can do.

I must add, however, that forgiveness is NOT part of the recovery process. More and more, the community of people involved in trauma resolution have abandoned this concept. One of the reasons is because 90% of the time, when the abuser is confronted, the abuser denies his/her actions, tries to blame the victim, and the victim is re-traumatized. Another reason is that many victims just are not ready to forgive their abuser. Trying to do something that they are not ready to do causes more guilt when the victim realized that he/she wholeheartedly does not forgive the abuser.


rm_Mura4 61F
1 post
8/18/2005 9:59 pm


Your entry shows you have great inner strength. I doubt I would have had the ability to forgive. Children are to be protected and made to feel safe. Not to be abused. I am so sorry.

Wishing you only the best to come.

Warm Hugs.

JaniceSCRN 53F

9/6/2005 8:31 am

Entock, to answer your question, yes I felt alienated from other children. I always felt more grown up than my peers. I knew something, or so I assumed I knew something they didn't.
It is a true revelation to realize how many have(both, boys and girls) been sexually abused by relatives, family friends, non-strangers in their lives.
I hope with my speaking out helps someone. I personally work with the Big Sisters/Big Brothers program mentoring and being there for girls and boys who have been sexually abused.

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