Well placed cynicism  

Jack619 57M
15 posts
8/31/2005 7:29 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Well placed cynicism

I don't watch MTV -- kinda got used to listening to music, so I saw no point in watching it...

Anyway, what follows is an excerpt from the play by play of the MTV wards posted on Fluxblog, one of the best music blogs around:


2002 / 2003 / 2004

8:00 Green Day start the show off with “Blvd. Of Broken Dreams.” Billy Joe Armstrong looks sorta like a hot goth chick. Or Liza Minelli.

8:05 Diddy is clearly making a bid to be the black Hugh Hefner. We are told that we must follow his instructions by a sexy female computer voice.

8:07 Diddy emerges! Hopefully they will use the chamber below him to freeze someone in carbonite later in the show.

8:08 Fuck a monologue! Diddy's gonna !

8:09 “There's only one host tonight!” And it's Jesus?

8:10 Now there's some Cirque de Soleil thing going on. Chicks in white dangling from toilet paper! There's a strange churchy vibe going on here.

8:11 Fuck a monologue! Diddy's gonna dance!

8:12 Why is Nelly wearing a Batman t-shirt from the movie with Val Kilmer? Why is Lindsay Lohan wearing a glittery chain mail tunic?

8:13 What's with the Donnie Darko water snakes being shot into the videos?

8:14 My girl Kelly Clarkson wins! Kanye gets a win for “Jesus Walks.” Kelly is posse-less and looks like an Oscar statuette.

8:16 Kanye West is bragging about paying for his own music video, seemingly oblivious to the fact that virtually every artist in the music industry does that!

8:17 Who is the more reassuring presence: Kurt Loder, or Butthead?

8:22 Time to start playing Count The Crucifixes. Kanye had two, Missy's got one, and Ciara has a big skinny one, but it's more like a plus sign.

8:24 Ludacris and Bobby Valentino perform “Pimpin' All Over The World” with a wedding band.

8:27 And now it's like Epcot Center if it was managed by Lil Jon.

8:28 Wait, it's monologue time now? “The theme of tonight is anything can happen.”

8:29 Diddy proves this by giving a watch to some guy in the audience, presumably his bling manager.

8:32 Kirsten Dunst is looking cute in her little bathrobe thing.

8:34 Green Day win best rock video, though I would've given it to My Chemical Romance.

8:35 Awwwww, poor Good Charlotte guy. Nothing makes a man look more hangdog than little metal nubbins on the sides of his mouth.

8:39 Diddy's got another crucifix.


8:42 Okay, no Dance Off, just a lot of dancing.

8:43 “Secret peformer” MC Hammer is performing a new version of “U Can't Touch This”! And it's not bad! And it's over as soon as it begins.

8:44 Ashlee and Jessica Simpson are here, but even with Ashlee's new blonde hair, they still don't really look much alike. Jessica is wearing a hideous, super trashy outfit, but that's not much of a shocker.

8:46 Alicia Keys wins and does her best to seem even remotely charismatic.

8:47 Jessica Alba and Dwayne Wade (eschewing a crucifix for a dog tag) are here to bring out Shaquille O'Neal for no apparent reason. It's very hard to keep Alba and Shaq in the same frame.

rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
9/5/2005 3:26 pm

Yes, this is a good example of why MTV is worthless and why anyone who cares about music shuns that channel.

Just put on a Green Day CD and let it rock.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
9/6/2005 4:59 pm

That is so damned funny.
They should have the Mystery Science Fiction Theatre version of this, it would get a lot more viewers

Priapeo 46M

9/7/2005 5:17 am

In the 80's in Italy we had a national TV called "VideoMusic"... that was the daily source of music bread for us rock-hungry teens, and indeed every day there was some new and exciting band to watch. It lasted until early 90's when it was eaten alive by MTV. Now and then I try to tune myself but, aside from the crappy music, I find extremely irritating its paternalistic tiranny.

when this planetary TV plague will realize that we don't give a damn to see shows about how their puppet stars spend hundred thousands dollars in champagne, diamond rings and surfing boards?

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

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