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Nice Guy Blues
Nice Guy Blues
Something I've noticed is that women don't go for nice guys, generally. No, they like a project.. someone they can "fix". I wonder if it's mechanical envy.
Being a nice single guy, I have a lot of female friends. They call me up and say, "Ian.. oh, Ian... My boyfriend (or husband) is treating like Dick Cheney treats his hunting buddies... Why can't I meet a nice guy like you? ... (pause)... Not YOU, but a guy like you..." Wow.. thanks.. I feel like their gay shopping buddy. It's like they'll call me and ask, "Hey, wanna go shopping for knick knacks and pick out china patterns?"
Sometimes it sucks being a nice guy. And not in the good way.
The other day, I'm at this club. I go up to this chick and ask, "Hey, wanna dance?" A look of disgust spread over her face like V8 on a white table cloth. "NOOOOO!" she yells.. Being a nice guy, I say, "C'mon.. I lowered my standards, why can't you lower yours?... She still wouldn't dance with me.
I think Ian is a "nice guy" name. Maybe I shlould change my name to "Ike". That way, I can say "Hey babe, I'm Ike... wanna come over to my place for a whoopin'?" Maybe that might work.
The other day, a friend of mine got a puppy. I was thinking, "I'm single.. I should get a pet. That might help keep me company."... So, I got an ant... He was a stray... I'm not sure if he's housebroken... Come to think of it, I'm not sure it's a he. I took him on a walk to the kitchen and he was all tuckered out. Next week, I'll get him his shots.
Yesterday, he pissed me off. He had a lot of friends over. I said, "We talked about this.. .time for the spray!" Spshhhh!... "Your friends are DEAD NOW! Wanna screw around some more? Who's a NICE GUY NOW?!!"