Tales from the DARK side?  

IamWetFire 52F
739 posts
9/7/2006 9:24 pm

Last Read:
9/20/2006 9:17 am

Tales from the DARK side?

I had a fairly unsettling experience this evening with a person who'd contacted me via --yet again-- A. F. F.

Gee, thanks a lot, Passion.com

What started out as your typical horn-dog approach, polished by a bit of age and education, turned UGLY on only the 3rd IM encounter.

Despite what is clearly stated in my profile to the contrary, he was seeking something very specific from me. Basically, being his sub to "explore."

When I said NO, he pushed. When I said NO and to change the subject, he pushed harder and began dropping insults. When I said he'd upset me, he turned psycho and lost control completely.

He sent me no less than 4 stream of consciousness, insult-laden IMs before I could even block him. He'd sent me two emails before I could block his access there, too.

This is WHY women are very cautious when making contact with a man online. And every man that crosses that line, makes it that much harder for the decent men to be trusted.

So, the purpose for this poll, and it applies equally to both men and women:

Have you been upset, frightened or even stalked by someone from either of these sites?
Yes, more than once.
Yes and they've been banned from these sites.
Yes and law enforcement was involved.

kyplowboy22 61M

9/8/2006 10:23 am

Had a nut case last fall trailing me around. She contacted me via a sister site and we IM'd several times and flirted around a bit. Never even talked on the phone much less met in person. She became very possessive almost immediately. She was married and intended to stay that way, so I informed her that we could be cyber buddies but that was as far as it was ever going. I won't see a married woman who is not separated or planning on separating from her mate. It is just one of my quirks, I guess.

In the meantime, I had entered into a relationship with someone else from the site and told this woman about my new girlfriend. Right, wrong or indifferent, that is my policy; I won't date but one woman at a time. Well, she went nuts on me. Perpetual emails and IM's, which I ignored. I didn't let my daddy talk to me that way and sure was not going to take it from a stranger. If that had been a man, and I knew how to find him, I would have sought him out and we would have had a class in the does and don'ts of civility.

I banned and blocked her on the Y place and here as well. She then began following me from blog to blog and leaving nasty comments there right behind my own, attacking these people, my friends. Well, I soon had a belly full of it and put a stop to it once and for all.

She was a bartender at Churchill Downs on the second floor of the clubhouse. She had sent pics of herself to me, but I had not sent ones to her. She didn't know my face or voice from Adam. I reiterated to her that my training in the military had been of a covert nature and I was quite good at it. Should it become neccessary, I was perfectly ready, willing and able to come to her place of employment, buy a few drinks from her, chat a bit with her maybe, and her not even be aware of who I was. Then follow her home that evening unbeknownst to her, wait for her to go in the house, give her a few minutes to settle in, then ring the bell and introduce myself to her darling husband and hand him a packet of compromising pics she had sent to me.
I let her make the call on what she wanted to do.

Have not heard one peep out of her since.

My motto is, "I don't bother anyone, and I will not be bothered either." If you wanna dance with the devil, you gotta expect to pay the fiddler sooner or later.


IamWetFire 52F

9/8/2006 2:35 pm

Oh, my dear. I am so sorry you had to endure this. One of the few decent men I've run into on this site.

And her a married woman. Not that there weren't a lot of those types found on Toad's computer when NCID confiscated it for all the photos, emails and chat histories.

And this is why I go through a very protracted process of getting to know someone--and my Blessings and thanks to my dear friend, TheOracle2006 for teaching this to me--it certainly weeds out the "normal" from the psycho with a quickness.

Since I minored in psychology in college the second time around, I learned a few tricks about that. I have a long series of questions I ask via IM and email to test the waters before I even allow phone contact. Learned this the hard way and with the help of TheOracle2006. This particular sick twist recognized it last night! Recognized a couple of the questions from the Minnesota Multiphasic and told me so. That sort of was a red flag. . .since he is NOT in any way associated with the medical professions. (Computer engineer)

Most folks don't know about the MMPI unless they've either been evaluated for mental illness or taken it as part of college coursework in psychology and sociology. The latter in my case. And with my degree in criminology (as with your covert work, KPB, I'm sure) I was taught how to evaluate someone just by looking at them, listening to their voice, and reading what they write. That last part is key here, of course, since this online thing makes body language observation a bit tough until it's too late!

I've also learned more than my fair share of information about abusers and controlling behaviors thanks to the months of counseling and therapy I had following the end of my marriage to Toad. I had already pegged this guy as a controller by the second IM session. He's the second fellow from this site with that problem--wanting to Top a Top. Uh-uh. Not happening. I called him on it and he said yes, one of his biggest problems is the need to control.

Strike two. HUGE red flag for me.

I am going to write a serious follow-up article to this with advice for folks on what to look out for. Oracle and I have been discussing this at length offsite. . .how to stay safe. This is something worth doing. But, the average nutcase is very smart. So, specifics--like the questions and the exact process taught by Oracle--can't be shared openly here, but privately via email. One thing I can share here and that was strike three for this guy:

When someone has upset you and you've told them NO or to STOP and they persist, growing more belligerent with your protestations, CUT THEM OFF RIGHT THERE. This is abuser behavior. As is blame-shifting and belittling of your response to their actions.

Bail out right then and there and block their access to you.

I embrace your motto, babes. (And you, too, you sweet, darling fellow Trekker! ) And it is mine as well. I am a very caring, compassionate and giving person, but when crossed. . .well. . .DON'T START FIRE!

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