SAFETY FIRST -- Part 1: Dating Bill of Rights  

IamWetFire 52F
739 posts
9/9/2006 3:04 pm

Last Read:
10/18/2006 10:16 pm

SAFETY FIRST -- Part 1: Dating Bill of Rights

For the last few weeks, TheOracle2006 and I have been discussing how to keep ourselves safe while using this site. The recent brush--thankfully only via IM--with someone very, very scary, along with an exchange on the topic with kyplowboy22 in this post Tales from the DARK side?, has inspired this new series, SAFETY FIRST.

I am a survivor. Let's leave it at that, since no one needs to know the intimate and gory details. As such, I am hypervigilant and protective of others who might find themselves touched by sexual violence. If one person avoids trauma from this series, it is a blessing!

Keep yourself safe, no matter the situation because trauma is for life! It is a big rock tossed into the pool of yourself that will send ripples shoreward until the day you die. Believe it!

Dating Bill of Rights

I have a right to:

Ask for a date

Refuse a date

Suggest activities

Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them

Have my own feelings and be able to express them

Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate"

Tell someone not to interrupt me

Have my limits and values respected

Tell my partner when I need affection

Refuse affection

Be heard

Refuse to lend money

Refuse sex any time, for any reason

Have friends and space aside from my partner

I have the responsibility to:

Determine my limits and values

Respect the limits of others

Communicate clearly and honestly

Not violate the limits of others

Ask for help when I need it

Be considerate

Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me

Set high goals for myself

From the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.

IamWetFire 52F

9/9/2006 5:05 pm

Thank you 1HA, and welcome to the Grotto.

I was just looking up statistics for this series and it's just awful. I don't know how any woman--and some men, frankly--have the courage to meet and have sex with people from this site without getting to at least know them a bit first. You never really know what you're setting yourself up for. And believe me, it goes through my mind even when I meet someone from here for that first daytime chat over coffee.

Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

rm_Kingcat4U2 65M
2799 posts
9/9/2006 6:10 pm

Gee, you mean you want to be treated like
a normal human being, with respect for not
only your physical well being, but your
mental and emotional well being also?

The users and abusers are out there,
no doubt about it, and they come in
both genders. Any rational person will
understand the need for caution and
the "let's take it one step at a time
approach". Those that don't, well, they
can take a long walk off a short pier.

ZZ_Todd 59M

9/9/2006 7:08 pm

Rule #1: Use common sense-if it don't seem right, don't do it.
Rule #2: Avoid first meets alone.
Rule #3: If Rule #2 is acceptable to the other one, go back to Rule #1.

Just my opinion... works for me!

HandyMan15601 55M

9/10/2006 6:51 am

raising my coffee cup in a salute to you.....H

Frugal Thrivalism. Preparedness. Self-Sufficiency.

kyplowboy22 61M

9/10/2006 11:45 am

I think the recommendations you have cited here are reasonable and make a good STARTING point for a personal safety policy.

My take on this place and the Net as a whole is one of a large, global lounge. If you wouldn't give someone your phone number or address at the corner pub, then why are people tempted to do it here? If you would not leave a bar with someone the first night you met them there, then why would you do it here?

There is nothing magical about the Net, it is just another forum for communications. Once you leave your PC desk and touch the door knob out of the house, you are back in the same old world you have come to know and be disgusted by.

Stay alert, stay alive. It applies EVERY where you are. Even in the sanctity of your home. I believe that people who find themselves in trouble on here often do so by being lulled into a false sense of security. They feel that their anonimity and the safety of their home is their shield. But that can prove to an illusion, much like the driver of a convertable has a sense of rollover protection in the canvas roof of their car. Later


IamWetFire 52F

9/14/2006 9:50 am

Hey gents!

I'll be adding to this when I've gotten my head back together. Between the pneunomia and now losing Orangie, I'm about 10 crayons short of an 8 crayon box.

I did do the research for this series before hell came to town on Tuesday, though, and have a rough idea of all the things I want to address.

Thanks so very much for your support and your input. It's deeply appreciated!

Love y'all!

IamWetFire 52F

10/18/2006 10:14 pm

Because it is DATING bill of rights. Sex and dating are two completely separate issues and should not be lumped into the same category. Hence the RIGHT TO REFUSE SEX AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON.

Safe sex is a sex issue. NOT a dating issue.

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