A question for the married cheaters  

rm_I_NV_Satiety 47F
206 posts
8/20/2006 9:19 pm

Last Read:
8/1/2011 11:47 pm

A question for the married cheaters

I have been thinking a lot about my conversation with my friend...my male perspective.

He believes that all women equate love with sex, and all men equate sex with...well, sex.

I have been thinking about that a lot this weekend, and while I think saying ALL women feel that way is a bit too much of a blanket statement, I also believe there is a vein of truth in there somewhere.

I can only speak for myself. I don't think that I equate sex with love, per se, but I do think it's much more difficult for me to have great sex without some emotion attached to it. I started thinking like my friend in regards to the men, past and present, in my life. If he is correct, the men I have been with have just been in it to get their dick wet, and that is a fucking waste of my time.

Now, for those of you who don't know, I am very married. We have a solid relationship, but he is extremely unattentive. Because I believe in him and my children, I have chosen to stay with him and stray in the most structured way I know how. I don't want to hurt him, but he has made it very apparent to me that he is his number one priority. I have made a choice and I don't want to hear any shit about it. I only bring it up because it is relevant.

I get sex without attention at home.
That is NOT what I am looking for, that is what I am running from. However, I wonder....is it possible to have an emotional affair where BOTH parties are involved? If my friends theory holds water, then the answer would be no.

Am I naive to believe that somewhere out there is a man married to a woman who just doesn't have time for him...a man who is looking for a woman that wants nothing more than to spend time with him? If it's true that men are in it only to get it wet, then I am wasting my own time, and that confuses me.

Am I crazy? Am I on the hunt for something that doesn't even exist? Is connection even possible in this day and age?

pierd 51M
222 posts
8/21/2006 8:47 pm

Don't take me wrong, but I'm asking this to (possibly) help prevent even greater pain in the future: what will you do when you do find someone who fits the bill? And what do you expect that person to do, in the long term?

I hope this does not fall into the 'shit' category of stuff you don't want to hear about (if it does, please delete this comment): I was there. I had thoughts simmilar to yours. It took me a while, but eventually I realized that the 'grass could not possibly be greener' and that working on improving / developing what I had was, in the long run, going to be more productive and efficient than trying to start anew. No matter how sour things are or seem, the bonds that forms through yeaurs of living together and having children

a. can never be completely broken and
b. are an irreplacable capital on which a future, healthy relationship can be built.

But it takes effort, patience and tonnes of humility from both parties. And, of course, it has only a chance of succeeding if both sides are willing to partake in the effort, sacrifice and adjustment.

Endless huggs

more on my blog, http://AdultFriendFinder.com/blog/pierd

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