trying for the angriest blog here  

IAmSynn 45M
13 posts
6/2/2006 6:06 pm

Last Read:
6/3/2006 7:35 pm

trying for the angriest blog here

seems like most people do these blog things to show off. i guess i do too, but i am not going to show off wisdom, intelligence, or anything like that.

you get to deal with the darkside of me... he gets out a lot these days. he is hurt. pissed. violent. maybe even slightly mad. he's the one that sees his hands around your throat, who hears your words as icepicks in his ears. he's the one that looks at himself in the mirror then smashes it because he hates what he sees. he's the one not fit to be dad, lover, friend...

[disclaimer for you nosy, worry-wart types: i have enough self control that this does not go beyond the visualization stage. i am safe, no threat real-time no matter how loud he gets. promise.]

but he can be saved. soothing touch, calming words, believe in him when he is at his worst, hold him when he fights back, love him when he is unlovable. he is tired of hating himself but doesn't trust love. that is why he doesn't fight the quest for companionship. he knows it is the only thing that will save him.

rm_chilln1976 40F

6/2/2006 7:02 pm

I dont know whether to laugh or cry!!! When women act like this guys call us "psyco" or "Sybil". Ok, it's official, Im laughing. Dont take this like Im being rude or anything. Im just messin' with you!

hrnycpl92 46M/42F

6/2/2006 7:03 pm

No sympathy, but here's a little empathy for your. I understand. Doesn't mean anything does it?! lol Not laughing at you, been there done that.

lightswitch1963 68M/53F

6/2/2006 7:06 pm

That is so sad, I just want to give you a hug. You can trust love. It took me a long time, but it paid off in such a way that I am forever greatful. Think of those that love you. You are the only one that can change your reflection. It took a lot of years for me to like myself, and a lot of love from my husband. It will get better. You will be in my thoughts.

Aaarrrggh 45M

6/2/2006 8:11 pm

Which all begs the question: is this a unique experience? Sure as hell no...I think we've all iterated similar (if not verbatim) thoughts in our dark (but not darkest) hour. See here, friend; coping is what makes us stronger. It seems your doing just that, considering your disclaimer, however unnecessary. If you wait for others to soothe you, you'll be baying at the moon for all days, while those willing do just that--will!

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