Be Still My Crushed Ego!  

HotLilSouthAngel 47F
232 posts
11/8/2005 6:24 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Be Still My Crushed Ego!

Ohh was I devastated today. Speechless in fact, of which I rarely find myself. I have been working many hours recently and have found myself feeling blah, in fact not sexy at all. My work has become a necessary evil and appears to be consuming my life mentally and sexually. When I arrive home, I find myself mentally exhausted from the day and all that it entails. I was thrilled and relieved yesterday when a major project that I have been working on for months came to a successful ending and without one glitch. Today, I arose to find myself even more excited than normal to go to work and be greeted by kudos from the powers that be in our company. Instead, I found that I was greeted by a shock early in the morning.

I entered our boardroom as normal. All smiles and perky. Addressed all participants and noticed that one individual could not seem to focus on the meeting and discussions involved. This would be a long meeting and I was prepared. While breaking, I was approached by a male that has been visiting our company periodically and has been involved in several ongoing joint projects with me. As normal, I let my southern social skills beckon control of the moment. I did the normal, "How are you", "How have you been", "How is the weather in Denver", etc. When..........I was abruptly stopped. He asked me to look him in the eyes and with a stern face proceeded to say that he had something he needed to say to me. Having no idea what would follow, I looked him in the eye and allowed him to speak freely without interruption. I was stunned at what would follow.

He decisively began to tell me how he felt about my on a personal level. He described me as follows: intriguing yet elusive, flirty yet evasive, interesting yet unattentive, too independent, and unwilling to notice a potential suitor that strives get my attention. He further said I was too independent for my own good. I was stunned. I admit I did not know how to handle the situation. Normally I think fast on my feet and rarely get off guard. However, I had no idea what to do or say. I immediately began to apologize for the impression I was emitting to others. I assured him it was not my intent to be perceived in this manner. I could tell it only semi-appeased his opinion. I felt as if I was trying to make atone for my personality. If in fact this is, as he states, the impression others have of me i am not sure what I can do to change the already ingrained image in their minds. He further stated that I scared men by being overly intelligent. And stated verbatim that I "should stop acting like a MENSA geek". Again, I found myself apologizing for being me. I explained I do not try to scare men away by showing any level of intelligence at all. I stood there for a few more minutes listening to him ramble about how I dress and how it causes some men to not focus on topics that I may be discussing in meetings, etc. I was becoming frustrated from this encounter so I chose to promptly excuse myself from this one on one discussion.

I was distracted for the remainder of the day. I have spent the day analyzing what I have done or that I do to make others see me in this fashion. I find that the discussion between myself and him has managed to consume my thoughts all afternoon. Finally, I have come to the conclusion that I am far to seasoned to change who I am for anyone. I don't think I would want to change if I could. I may or may not be at fault for some of the above mentioned descriptive adjectives used to describe me, but all in all, I am who I am. I should not be made to feel I need to apologize for who I am.

I have pondered what he may sought as an outcome of this encounter. Why would someone approach another person in this manner? Is this a common event that occurs between a man and woman? I mean everyone has a different view of another person than what he or she may feel about themselves.

After careful consideration of todays events I have determined I should handle this issues as follows:

Tomorrow I shall open the meeting in which he will attend and I will conduct by wearing a low cut red sweater, with my plaid black mini skirt and knee high black stiletto boots. In my opening first few sentences I will be strong, confident, and independent while I interest and intrigue the attendees in an intelligent, evasive and unattentive manner to the days topics at hand.

We shall see how he handles tomorrow after my plan unfolds.

To be continued............

Keep it bent south!


shafter36 58M

11/9/2005 2:22 am


Do not let this pea brained ass have you breaking rank with how you handle yourself professionally, personally period! This smacks of harrassment at least. Is this moron a peer, subordinate or superior? I am short on time right now but long on ideas for you. I'll be in touch again soon. I hope you check in before youe AM meeting. I have thoughts to pass along. Do not lower your standards.


shafter36 58M

11/9/2005 11:57 am

Hello Ms. Southangel,

Let me start by responding to the second sentence in your blog. In my opinion you are anything BUT blah and I can't imagine a moment passing whereby I would consider you "not sexy". You've got to be kidding me. You, lilsouth, are what I would describe as drop dead gorgeous an brimming with sexiness...always. Sexiness is not only based on one's appearance as you know.

O.K., I've rested and pondered your dilemma and am now prepared to offer you my take on this gentleman's dubious commentary. With regard to your business minded attributes, your level of intelligence and how you apply it in the office and finally your attire and how he feels it affects your colleagues (esp. of the other gender) ability to stay focussed on your presentation, I offer the following thoughts:

Let's start with the latter first. It sounds suspiciously as though the gentleman might be referring to his own inability to remain focussed while he critiques/fantasizes over your fashion choice for the day. Not really knowing much about you, your level of professionalism & devotion to your career, I'll assume that you, in all likelihood, present yourself in tastefully appropriate and fashionable business attire most if not all of the time. Regardless of that, does he consider himself a business world's Mr. Blackwell? Better yet, when visiting from Denver, does he attend your presentations and fantasize in the back of the room like some sort of mile high pervert?

Next, I'll toss out these answers to his adjective based attack on your personality as he sees it. Keep in mind these are my thoughts based on my definition of integrity. Where he said "intriguing, yet elusive" you might call him pedestrian yet predictable. To his "flirty yet evasive", maybe: dallying yet ambiguous. While he referred to you as "interesting yet inattentive" perhaps he's indifferent yet thoughtless. There's my vindictive side showing through! Oops!

In response to your level of intelligence, I ask: at what point did an abundance of intelligence become a detriment? Where does this guy get off mentioning potential suitor(s) and their (his) frustration at your "unwillingness to notice them (him) striving to get your attention". How brazen and presumptuous of him to intimate that you would entertain the idea of seeking a suitor while in the office environment. I should think it is normal for any professional to be stand-offish to unsolicited offers of personal romantic involvement in the workplace. As you well know there are state and federal laws in place to prevent this kind of solicitation aka: Sexual Harrassment Laws.

This guy steps even closer to the precipice by commenting on your attire and how your outfits make men in the meetings lose focus on what your presentation is covering. Is he suggesting that you are intentionally dressing in a provacative manner, or is it his perverse opinion of how he alone is viewing your fashion statement? As if he hasn't gone far enough, he then accuses your intelligence of scaring men off and makes a mockery of your brilliance tossing about the oft times joked about MENSA group, insulting you and MENSA members in one breath. I keep coming back to the feeling that this dweeb is always referring to himself when he speaks of "men". Back to the scaring men off part for one last point. I would wager that one can only be scared by another person's IQ if the scared individual is a banal, passive sycophant with no active brain stem.

You're absolutely right in that there is no need for you to apologize for, or change anything about yourself, your appearance, intelligence, attitude or how you conduct yourself in your personal or professional lives regardless of whether or not those two worlds begin to mesh together. This pinhead is obviously intimidated by your clearly superior presence and strong personality. Let him go on making a fool of himself as he continues to dig a deeper cesspool for himself to reside in. It's easy to imagine how frustrated you were with his behavior. He's evidentally got some serious self esteem issues and really needs to up the dosages of his meds or go see a new shrink.

Kudos to you and your strength. Keep plugging along and do what you do in the same manner that's gotten you to this level of acheivement. You're truly an awesome person and doing everything on your terms is the course you want to maintain. GO FOR IT!


aka: Shafter36

HotSparks81 53M/53F

11/9/2005 4:46 pm


I guess some men are just jealous of intelligent, attractive, professional woman. Sounds like his ego is to big for his ...... Imagine what his response would be if a woman asked him to change, I know what his answer would be. I think asking someone to change themselves after proving themselves a success is not only ignorant but down right rude. Can't wait to hear the end of the story. Maybe you should post a pic of you in the outfit your going to wear sounds hot to me


PS. If we ever get chance to chat I would expect you to drop everything, jump on a plane, fly to Chicago and drive here for a drink. LOL

AirCrashman 57M

11/10/2005 5:22 pm

LOL, I want to hear the end..... He doesn't stand a chance... But I strongly suspect you will be in control......

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
11/12/2005 4:38 am

Hi Angel,

I might be reading this wrong but I tend to focus on the biggest threat when I'm given any situation to assess. In a way I don't think this is rationally about you. I think to him you are a pretty play thing or just an object and dehumanized. I think he has a very egocentric personality and this drama is all about him. There could be several reasons for his actions.

1. It could be that as an attractive and successful woman he has reduced you to a trophy or a conquest. He would be willing to except sexual or egotistical victories. He would have been able to derive satisfaction by shaking you with his words which he clearly did. If this is a male that gets off on manipulating others we would be the ultimate toy for him. You are very intelligent, successful, beautiful, and fill in all your other traits. Metaphorically you are the prized rhino for the great white hunter to take.

2. He could just have Freudian issues of some sort that make him see you as an adversary. He could have a boss or coworker back in Denver that he resents for whatever personal reasons so he safely takes it out on you outside of his office. You might remind him of a romantic interest that didn't work out like he wanted so he transferred his issues onto you.

3. Actually the worst case scenario I'll have to send you in an email because it involves using simple psychology to manipulate people and I don't want to describe how it's done so users can use it to hurt other people with it.

Interact with this guy professionally only as if he were a non-entity. Stay away from this guy he sounds like he could be real bad news.

Don't except criticism from individuals with dubious motives. Get your constructive criticism from people you respect and/or trust.

Best wishes Angel


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

zorgnot2 60M

11/12/2005 10:31 am

He had every right to tell you what he thought of you and how he thinks you conduct yourself.
You have every right to tell him you don't agree with him and that he just reenforced your low opinion of dominant, sexist, self-centered, male-oriented jerk.
He is severely threatened by your intelligence and looks and/or has a serious thing for you personally.
Either way, you've punched his buttons so you must be doing something right. He;s an embarrassment to thinking and caring men and should be ashamed of himeself.
A beautiful and intelligent woman always gets more votes in my book, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't give anyone else a listen.
If you're given a gift, it's a shame to hide it under a basket because someone - anyone- is jealous.

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
11/12/2005 10:45 am


I did take one Psych course in college though. I talked my way out of taking introductory Psych and Soc so I could take some grad level science courses. Told ya I'm a geek.

I guess I just like trying to understand people

Don't worry about too much of that comment I was way too tired to be trying to think when I wrote that.

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

zorgnot2 60M

11/13/2005 4:50 pm

Angel, you are modest, perhaps to a fault.
I know from reading as little as I have that you are well aware how attractive you are. And rightly so.
How many people would give so much to have not only your appearance, your intelligence but also your common sense? Unanswerable, true, yet I would say the vast majority.
It's a dumb analogy but to not use what you have been given is like fishing with your bare hands because you thought fishing gear might offend the fish. IMHO. I said it was stupid

bear77344 60M
103 posts
11/16/2005 2:35 am

Hey Angel: I take it this guy isn't even an employee of the company? How a "visitor from time to time" presumes to criticise you about things that have nothing to do with your work is beyond me.
But think about it, being described with adjectives like intriguing, elusive, flirty, evasive, interesting and independent are not bad things.
Seems to me he's trying for a relationship with you.
The only thing I read that you might think about; (Please don't take it as criticism or the way i personally feel) is your description of the way you were going to dress the next day. In the business I'm involved with some guys wouldn't treat a woman as a fellow coworker and listen to her ideas if she was dressed like that. Also, I know women in my business who would talk behind the woman's back and criticize her dress (some out of jealousy). This may not be the way it is in your situation and if so obviously ignore this. I've always thought the situation was unfair and a double standard but it does exist, at least in my world it does.
And no, this kind of thing doesn't happen very often at all; especially in todays age, you have a potential sexual harrassment lawuit against him already.

rm_dammygirl 53F
101 posts
11/16/2005 7:37 pm

Wow! I read this blog AFTER part 2. Now I'm even more proud of you! Don't ever change anything for anyone!

Want a meatball???

Become a member to create a blog