ABUSE.......  

HeartlessBitch69 46F
6876 posts
5/24/2006 10:31 pm

Last Read:
5/28/2006 4:18 pm

ABUSE.......

I know I will get a few responces that will PISS ME THE FUCK OFF.

But my FRIENDS will give me good advice!

I have a co-worker, we will call her "D". She left for her supper break tuesday, went home for supper.

She returns 45 minutes later. She has splotches on her face, and red marks around her neck.

I ask her what is up with her, she tells me she gets all spotted and itchy when she is nervous, and that she had been scratching.

So I give her some benedryl, for the rash and itch.

I get to work today and I find out from "J" the following info.

"D"'s Boyfriend, slammed her head into a wall, and threw her to the bed, got ontop of her and choked her til she almost passed out. All of this while she was on her supper break.

And I am sure this is not the first time. She has alot of stories about the marks she comes to work with!

And I can't say much, I was beat for three years. But I know the signs!

How do I help her? How do I tell her I know? I don't really like HER, as a person. But I hate to see anyone get this done to them!

What would you do? How can I get it through her head, Men are to protect, not harm US!

ME


waerlookin4fun 50M/46F

5/24/2006 11:24 pm

Now I know you're not a heartless bitch. You don't have to like her and I love the fact that you want to help her. Unfortunately as you probably know there's not a lot you can say to her to help her. You've read my blog and I was there for six years and never listened. I think you can maybe take her aside and tell her that if there is anything she'd like to talk about or if you could help her out in any way it might help. A lot of women who've been abused get really good at hiding it (I can pick them out just like you) and are ashamed, they end up protecting the abuser for any number of reasons. I'm not criticizing you, but I know now you can put aside any animosity and help her, just let her know you're there for her. What a lovely woman you are I'm sorry to be so long winded this is just a subject that needs to be brought forth.


MrNuttz05 49M

5/24/2006 11:30 pm

First off, you cheer up Not liking her has no bearing on the situation & you know this! I am not 'Dear Abby' but what I would do is ask her to help you with some 'odd' job & when you guys are alone just let her know your story... She can listen to you & take your advice or she can continue to stay on her current track... All you can do is try & if she does not accept your advice, which she probably won't, just step back & pray for her


wildoats19622 54M
3483 posts
5/24/2006 11:30 pm

I don't know. Can you help someone that doesn't want your help? She could get defensive if you just confront her openly.

Good luck, I don't like to hear about abuse either.

Wild

Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/24/2006 11:33 pm

waerlookin4fun--I just don't want her to end up like me! I remember one night, My ex slapped me to the ground and kicked me, it broke my ankle, fucked it up good. I crawled out my front door screaming for help, and no one came! I lived next to one guy from the police station and two prison gaurds, no one came! I remember my ex saying "Your lucky, I was aiming for your head!" No matter how much I dislike her, I don't wanna see her dead!


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/24/2006 11:35 pm

wildoats19622--Or I could just go FUCK her ole man UP! I know I could take him! the pussy bastard!

MrNuttz05--She knows I have my ideas on how he treats her. But she says she loves him! The fucking PRICK!


waerlookin4fun 50M/46F

5/24/2006 11:52 pm

    Quoting HeartlessBitch69:
    waerlookin4fun--I just don't want her to end up like me! I remember one night, My ex slapped me to the ground and kicked me, it broke my ankle, fucked it up good. I crawled out my front door screaming for help, and no one came! I lived next to one guy from the police station and two prison gaurds, no one came! I remember my ex saying "Your lucky, I was aiming for your head!" No matter how much I dislike her, I don't wanna see her dead!
I completely understand you not wanting her to end up like you, or me or anyone of us. Don't you just love it when the police don't help. The one time they did help me was when my ex held me down and beat the hell out of me and let his friend help......among other things. I heard a woman screaming up the street from us and my husband and I walked up there (my husband works for the dept. of corrections and was still in uniform) this sob was beating this tiny woman and I called his ass out and said you want to hit someone hit me you dumb ass MF and find out what you're going to get. He tells me that he's an ex-marine and that I should be afraid....My response was he should be afraid if any of the men he served with found out what he was doing to his wife. Wow, I'm sorry to be typing so much tonight.....you just hit on a subject that pisses my ass off.


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
5/24/2006 11:58 pm

HB,

I don't know what the law is in your state or local, but some jurisdictions can take action against abusers without the battered spouse having to file a grievance...

So contact a local abused spouses shelter...they should have the info....

[color dark blue}NG61...disappearing into the shadows....


skyking412004 53M
5363 posts
5/25/2006 3:43 am

_____She has to #1 Admit there is a problem. #2 Want to fix the problem. #3 Do whatever it takes to fix it (fix her) You know as well as I do, that there is nothing short of him dieing, that will permantly fix the problem, unless she fixes herself. Even if he did die...she would probably find another one just like him. You've been there. You can share your experience, strength, and hope. (But, only if she is open to receive it.)


angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
5/25/2006 6:02 am

I think all you can do is let her know that you know. And then tell her how you recognized the signs.....because you have been there too! And I know that so many women stay in these relationships because somehow they get it in their head that they deserve that kind of treatment....or that no other man will love them....or that they love the asshole themselves. It's a hard thing....but all you can do is let her know that you know where she's at and you'll be there if she needs to talk or wants help getting out. I also think that Nightguy is right and you can report the abuse without her having to file it herself.


readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

5/25/2006 8:10 am

It ain't much but you can support her if needed but till she learns to help herself, what can you really do for her but be a friendly, non-friend...Ready

Ready


norprin5 55M

5/25/2006 8:16 pm

no ideas other than what's been said...nothing legal, anyway

hope she gets herself out of there

King Nor XVIII


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/25/2006 8:42 pm

I told her tonite I knew about everytime he had done it. She said it has only been twice. I told her that was two too many! I told her we all are just concerned! She walked away!


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/26/2006 8:04 am

buttercup7781--I say you and I find him alone one night and FUCK him UP!!!!


ironman2769 55M  
12611 posts
5/26/2006 12:00 pm

This is a pretty tough subject to bring up to someone who is not close to you. I personally am sickened when I hear tales of men who abuse women.

You do the edge here with your own personal experience. One way to approach the subject is maybe to come right and say what you know. Telling her you know for a fact that the other night you know she had been attacked by her wonderful bf.

She needs to undertsand this and I'm sure you'll agree, it won''t get any better. It wasn't an accident. He's going to hit her again and again unless she moves on.

I'm not sure confronting him is the answer. He'll take it out on her and then she'll be further distanced from you as your interference will cause him to punish her for telling others.

Here's a suggestion, how about getting her to talk to a female police officer. Don't do a male as he could be one also and won't be very sympathic.

Good luck

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goodguysneedit2 56M

5/26/2006 2:05 pm

Well HB...you've had some good thoughts, some of which I may repeat..

If you've been through it, you probably know some things.

She's likely in denial of many things...mostly denial of her own self-worth. He's taught her to play it down, to lie... he probably has threatened her in many ways..but mainly he's brutalized her mind to the point it no longer functions for the benefit of herself. It's all about him.

I would think that if you have a chance of intervening.. it will be with her...and you willprobably have to open up and spill your own tales in order to get her to.
It will have to be the right time and place...she's going to need to trust you... and ummm...lol.. you can't lose your temper. It will make her recoil in shame just as if it were him.

So.. you'll need a time and place.. girls night out of some kind?
I dunno... but it will take a gentle method to make her feel safe enough to open up.

You can't accuse her of anything.. so remember...blame, shame, anger, vengeance, and putting her on the spot are all bad.

But the very first step, as mentioned... she must admit there is a problem. It's a huge step.

Be a friend...not a hero... okay?

Good luck!
-G'Guy


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/26/2006 9:16 pm

ironman2769--I think it is because of her age, she is only 21, and don't know as much as she thinks she does yet!

goodguysneedit2--I am trying! Damn it is hard to be HER friend! Damn hard!


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/26/2006 9:36 pm

buttercup7781--He is a skinny little fucker!


goodguysneedit2 56M

5/27/2006 5:43 am

Hey...stop talking about skinny fuckers, heartless bitch! LOL
Don't make me have to ...to..... yeah... I'm likin' this thought already!

Just noticed your mentioning of her only being 21 y/o...yep...tough to relate to her as a friend.

I've always had a little theory that you don't know shit about yourself until you're somewhere around 30 y/o... so you're probably dealing with someone who ONLY identifies herselffrom the eyes of others.

good luck


clitalicious67 49F

5/27/2006 6:54 am

Well HB, it is hard to help someone if they are not ready to be helped...I was in an abusive relationship and denied for several years...you might try using a few leading yet not so obvious questions where she might open up...sometimes knowing there is someone out there that has experienced what you are going through helps too because I am sure she is feeling pretty alone...

I hate to see anyone being mistreated...wishing you luck...

C~


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/27/2006 9:02 am

clitalicious67--He pisses me off, I hated him even before I knew about the abuse. Just something about him. He always came and picked her up and would never come inside, even though his sister worked there. He is just shadey!


clitalicious67 49F

5/28/2006 2:22 pm

    Quoting HeartlessBitch69:
    clitalicious67--He pisses me off, I hated him even before I knew about the abuse. Just something about him. He always came and picked her up and would never come inside, even though his sister worked there. He is just shadey!
I am with you on that...most people who have been abused can pick up on it immediately if not sooner...and I have found the abuser is never confrontation where men are present...because if they weren't such pussies they wouldn't be beating women....just sayin...


HeartlessBitch69 46F

5/28/2006 4:18 pm

clitalicious67-- I hear ya!


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