Blogging 101 - Session 1  

HardlyYours4Now 52M
951 posts
9/8/2005 2:27 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Blogging 101 - Session 1

I get mail almost every day on a topic, and I've decided to write this primer. Notice I didn't say the two phrases above were in any way related. The mail I receive is generally from women saying, "Leave me alone or I will start posting your disgusting letters in my blog." But I digress.

I started my blog a little over a month ago, and I have risen in the rankings of most active blogs from #3,456 all the way up to #3,221. Watch out, talldarkavg1, I'm right on your tail!

This tremendous growth in activity can be attributed to a few success factors, and I have decided to share these tips with others who may be so crass as to care about hits on their blog.

Do’s

Be a female. Just as that gaurantees several hundred emails a day, it seems to gaurantee a certain readership. For those who can't afford gender transformation surgery, and who are born male: the rest of these "Do's" are for you.
Reply to each responder individually. It shows them that you appreciate their kindness. It also doubles your response count, which moves you up in all kinds of lists.
Pretend to be an expert on what women want. A guy explaining in a condescending way what other guys should do if they want a woman is clearly such a turn-on for chicks.
Open a second or third ‘standard’ account, and leave yourself responses. Things like ‘dude, you are sooooo cool’ (from your fake standard male account) or ‘you are so incredibly sexy ‒ I want you, now!’ (from your fake standard female account) will be sure to stimulate further responses.

As an aside, there is no truth to the rumor that I am also DaphneR and AlbertPrince. Lies. Lies, I tell you.

Remember to respond to your fake account's responses. You've just tripled your hits. But always remember who you are; otherwise, you could end up involved in some bizarre love triangle with you at all three points. Much therapy. From the voice of experience.
Write sex stories that include acts that would be physically impossible unless you or your partner works for Cirque du Soleil. After my second attempt at such a story, that organization contacted me about writing their next Vegas show. I had to turn them down, because I couldn't stand the thought of standing backstage as dozens very limber twenty-somethings walked around in very little. Could Hardly avoid heart trouble.
Include as many cock shots as possible. Nothing says, ‘serious communicator’ like a serious schlong pic.

Dont's
Plagiarize
. It's one thing to not give credit for a joke you know has been around forever...but I know I have spent several hours of time at my office thinking about my next blog entry, writing up rough drafts, and hitting Alt-Tab as my manager walks by. It really pisses me off when I consider the prospect of someone stealing my original material and me being unemployed simultaneously.
Discuss any topic that would lead to a fist-fight at the dinner table. Avoid:
- Politics
- Religion (exception: if you are making fun, and want to get on saintlianna's good side)
- The relative merits of cats vs.dogs
- Cooking tips related to the previous bullet point
- Child-rearing issues. Nobody here wants to hear about children's rears. There are other sites for those kind of people.
- Your fantasies, if they include some combination of midgets, trampolines, and/or duct tape. Those should appear in ALT.COM.
Pay attention to anyone else's advice about what you should do with your blog. Ever. At all.

Oh, except when it comes from me.


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:10 am

You sure you aren't AlbertPrince?


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:10 am

GODDAMMIT! - I've given you another comment.


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:11 am

SHIIIIT!! - I didn't want to do that. You're far enough ahead of me already


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:11 am

OH F*CK - there goes another one


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:12 am

I've got to stop doing this


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:12 am

GODDAMMIT! - no more comments


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:13 am

OK that's it - no more


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:13 am

And don't even think about replying to each one of thees individually


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:14 am

Nice blog by the way


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 8:14 am

And what's wrong with plagiarism? There's nothing original about me!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
9/8/2005 9:10 am

You are so incredibly sexy - I want you, now!

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
9/8/2005 9:10 am

Laugh, do you realize how bad this looks? Al is first, second, third, forth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eigth, ninth and tenth to comment and then I come along?

I was reading the part where you were talking about setting up a dupe account and leaving comments and was thinking to myself, stop it, someone is going to think I'm you. I scroll down to see the rumors and burst out laughing.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/8/2005 9:52 am

Thank me so much. I appreciate all of my comments.It makes me happy to know me. I always say, to know me is to love us.

Thanks for playing along - you two are the best!


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
9/8/2005 11:20 am

Well, according to rumor, I would be your first comment that isn't you or your various split personalities. My blog shot up when I put my eyeball up there, (wonder what would happen if I put up my nipple?)


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/8/2005 12:48 pm

saintlianna - you are welcome to put your nipples up anytime you want. But the eye is pretty sexy on its own...


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
9/8/2005 2:14 pm

Hardly... I've met AlbertPrince and your eyes look nothing like his! Of course, I'd have to see other parts of your body to verify this. Send me a photo....

Hx

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


AlbertPrince 57M

9/8/2005 3:52 pm

Hardly is not AlbertPrince but what if Al is Hardly?


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/8/2005 8:47 pm

helga -

!


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/8/2005 8:49 pm

AP - I am you as you are me, as you are we and we are all together...goo-goo-gajoob.


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
9/9/2005 4:50 am

what if Al is Hardly ..what?

*confused*

Could you please write sex story that include acts that would be physically impossible unless you or your partner works for Cirque du Soleil so I can plagiarize it, call it a religious experience, add cock shots to it & leave comments about it to myself? My blog needs the hits.
Thank You Hardly Prince Daphne.

SJ * confused, but enjoying the dizzy feeling that comes from it*


AlbertPrince 57M

9/9/2005 6:39 am

Al is Hardly ... capable of stringing two (of his own) words together


AlbertPrince 57M

9/9/2005 6:40 am

I still can't believe how many comments you squeezed out of me for this one post. You can let the kids and the animals go now, but please, keep the wife!


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/9/2005 8:26 am

sj - Tune in tomorrow. I may claim I write for me, but I'll make an exception for you!


HardlyYours4Now 52M

9/9/2005 8:28 am

AP - I give you my wife instead. Wow, this swapping thing is easier than I thought...


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