A blatant attempt to push people  

HardlyYours4Now 52M
951 posts
8/3/2005 10:23 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A blatant attempt to push people

I just looked back at a few of the magazine questions to which I posted responses last week, and began to realize something; many people on this site view married men going it alone as cheaters! Shall we take a minute to destroy all the other collections of people who gather at this site?
Sidebar: I'm not offended if you don't want to hang with someone who is married. You don't even have to be apologetic about it. I am addressing those who are harsh (dude) and judgmental.
Back to the topic. Will I be harsh in return? No, I won't. But I will say this: no, I will type this: There is something absolutely perverse about people flling out a profile with claims to magnificence in various oral skills, tremendous sensuality, open-mindedness, and whatever else, declaring me a CHEATER.
Some of those who decry cheats have put on their profiles that they are separated. Wait, so they are legally still married, but I am a cheater? At what magical point do I convert from 'cheater' to 'person escaping a loveless marriage?'
For married couples looking for a third for various roles; I understand the stresses and issues that come into a marriage better than some dude who hasn't been down that road. I used to act as the bull in a series of cuckold husband/dom wife couples back when I was single; I know a lot more about how the role should be played than I ever did before - why would that be a liability? (of course, my equipment isn't on par with what many couples now want; I measure well below the current 9" standard of the Bull/Dom Standards Membership, or BDSM).
Look, I know nobody wants to be named as part of a divorce suit. I recognize that everything is now a potential legal issue.
But is it necessary or constructive to tear down others who wish to enjoy the benefits of this site? There are many preferences represented here - believe it or not, there are even some that I don't get or want - but can't we just focus on what we want, not on how some group or another is made up of outcasts/SOBs/cheaters?
I thank that group of women who simply write, "Married men need not apply." Why do I thank you? We can agree to disagree. That means there is still civility out there.

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/3/2005 11:07 pm

Those who condemn me for being here calling me a cheater I say they can kiss my ass because not one of them sit perched on my damn bed at night to know what goes on in my life. so they can call me what they will. And the very single and married men who I turn down, then turn around and ask me why am I here on the site then? I tell them if I had wanted them they would not have cared whether I was cheating or not. I Just wish they would understand that just because I am here does not mean I want every rod here hanging in my shed.

nice post!

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

HardlyYours4Now 52M

8/4/2005 3:30 am

If I were back in church, I would have to say -

Thanks, straightten2002.

frogger1995 39F

8/4/2005 5:15 am

But you ARE cheating. That is a fact. I don't condemn people here who are married (even happily) and decide to get some extramarital action. I don't even base my decisions to meet on marriage. But lets call a spade a spade.

HardlyYours4Now 52M

8/4/2005 9:00 am

frogger - if you use it as an adjective, but not as an expletive, no problem. But the word itself carries a connotation that is decidedly negative. I have a friend who is mute; there are some who call him 'dumb.' Old phrase, not intended as an insult; but clearly has a negative connotation. Am I asking people to be politically correct? No. But if you don't judge me, find a word that isn't blatantly negative. Call me 'extra-marital.' Call me 'stepping out.' Call me 'attached but not involved.' I don't call the women who say, 'Sex for anybody' whores...it just isn't necessary. I refer to them as 'flexible.'

adrianpc 53M/47F
13 posts
8/13/2005 12:50 pm

Someone is "cheating" if they are secretly violating the covenant with their spouse. If you have an open relationship and your spouse knows what you are doing and is ok with it, then that is not "cheating". On the other hand, if you have to be "discreet" lest your spouse find out, then you damn well are cheating.

As to whether it is appropriate to be judgemental about "cheaters" ... tolerance is a tricky thing. For instance, does it make me intolerant to hate intolerant people?

For us, we will consider dealing with married people, but only if they are open, and not actually cheating.

HardlyYours4Now 52M

8/14/2005 8:55 am

adrianpc -

You are so missing the point. What does it profit any of us to point to other's choices and use loaded words as labels? You want to call it cheating, fine. There are a very large percentage (I'll go sofar as to say the majority) of the people living in your own neighborhood (unless you live in a very accepting neighborhood) who would find the idea of an open marriage as being on an equal moral level with someone who is married but participating on their own.

Be you don't introduce yourselves to new neighbors by saying, "Hi,I'm Bob, this is Sue, and we have an open marriage!" Why not? Is there at least some recognition on your part that how your marriage works is considered a bit unconventional by many, and that they probably would use less than glowing terms to describe it? Is that really fair for them to do that?

As I have said many times here, you certainly have every right to your preferences - I'm not pushing for anyone to say, "Oh, I guess marrieds on their own are really okay" if they don't already feel that way. I just don't see why we can accept so many lifestyles and kinks and whatever else here, but somehow I'm in this special class that deserves to be insulted.

Good lord, I'm less of a public threat than the guy down the street from me who brings home a different partner every Friday night, then brags about how he talked 'em out of using protection.

And as for intolerance - yeah, the truly tolerant person can laugh at and ignore the intolerant. "Hate" shouldn't be in anyone's vocabulary. Except maybe in regards to brussel sprouts.

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