Snippits - DILBERT QUOTES  

HardNhorneee 52M
127 posts
7/10/2005 1:11 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Snippits - DILBERT QUOTES


A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR
PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE, DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS.
HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning
quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp.)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it.' (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel
Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant
manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you
know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and
Manufacturing/3M)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work
on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial
to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD
Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines
Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He
said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards executive)

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