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All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick
Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.
LAST SEEN WEARING
Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
with white tassel.
KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.
WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
- Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
- Breaking and entering dwellings,
- Leaving un-addressed packages in violation of US Postal Laws,
- Intentional dumping of reindeer feces in sewer drains in
violation of US EPA Laws,
- Unlawful crossing of US Borders without reporting the crossing
to US Customs,
- Failure to obtain a non-resident work permit from INS,
- Operating a motor vehicle that is not in compliance with US DOT
- Unlawful work practice in violation of the Equal Opportunity
laws of the USA (Will not employ people taller than 4 feet),
- Excess noise from motor vehicle in violation of State of Alaska
Vehicle and Traffic laws (Sound of HO HO HO coming from
- Failure to respond to repeated request for Identification by FAA
Flight controllers, Violation of the sovereign airspace of the
United States of America.
Individual is known to force Goodwill and Peace upon all men/women.
Has been known to assault people with vicious bouts of laughter and
If contact is made with the above individual, caution should be
taken as to not become happy & joyful, especially with thoughts of
Detain individual and contact either Detective Grinch, North Pole
Police Dept., Alaska, OR Special Agent Scrooge of the Federal
Bureau of Investigation.