If Loving youooo..isn't tha riiiight thing ta do..  

Guess_hooze_back 43M
1 posts
6/19/2006 1:46 pm

Last Read:
6/19/2006 2:35 pm

If Loving youooo..isn't tha riiiight thing ta do..

You Can Go your own waaaaaaay!!
You can call it anooother sunny daa-ay!!

"So many times I wanted to say...there were so many things left unsaid"

Morgan Freedman?

I can't remember who said that...

Earlier today, I was walking down tha street, and I saw a girl I know.

Everytime I see someone's long curly blond hair from behind, I always find myself watching her to turn around to see if it's Daisy Earthshaker.

She usually turns around, I realize it isn't her and I keep walking.

Yesterday, I thought I saw Daisy cross tha street to avoid me, but I'm still not sure it was her.

I almost tried to email her, and explain everything that's going on with me right now, but then I realized that it's best that I don't.

Anyways, earlier today when I saw the girl with the curly blond hair, it really WAS Daisy Earthshaker this time.

She was looking up smiling and talking to someone.
I don't know if she saw me, but the only thing I could do was pretend I didn't see her.

I reckon she has to do the same thing.

I now realize how important it is that I forget her.

Something just overwhelmed me emotionally just now, but maybe that's the best thing for me to feel.

In all reality, I barely even know her.

There have been so many times where I've told myself everything I feel for her is so real.

And then there have been so many times where I have told myself, who am I kidding? I know nothing about her.

I would tell myself that I like for all the wrong reasons, and that my feelings are wrong, even after I was so sure they were right.

Of course, that would all change the second I start talking to her, and I remember the way she is, but now that it's sunk in that I'll never be able to talk to her, I know what I have to do.

I mean, maybe that's what my biggest problem has been.

Maybe that's why I never found anybody else, I dunno.

All I knew, is there were so many things I thought and felt about her that I just felt I HAD to express. It always sounded so meaningful when I said it to myself.

I could just never find the right time to say it to HER.

Anyways, I missed that chance seven years ago. I guess no one's to blame for that, but me.

But for whatever reason, I just never let it go, even against impossible odds.

In the seven years that she was away from me, and I didn't know how to contact her, or even what her last name was, I still spent long hours tryna figure out how I would find her again.

I was gonna even go to Edmonton and find tha school she went to, and post adds on the wall asking her to contact me.

When I realized how corny that was, I put my heart and soul into becoming a famous musicain for over a year, just so I could at least be sure I could get some kinda message to her.

Well I guess I already got some of that message to her the last time I saw her.

Still, there's such a large part of me that will never be expressed.

I just got emotional again.

Bah! I guess I got all I ever could have expected.

I mean I wanted to get a message to her, and to some degree, I did.

And I guess I got back tha best answer, I could have ever expected to hear, given tha circumstances.

I told her I had alot to say to her, and she told me the best I could expect to hear.

If I missed the gun, and she's now with someone else, then what else can I expect her to say.

It's just tha way it is.

It would be stupid of me to hold onto something I just can't have.

It's not like I can beat this one.
Flying to Edmonton, or becoming a rock star are one thing, but gambling her happiness at a shot of my own happiness, just could never work...

Especially given where my life is at now...

I know she doesn't fully understand what I feel for her, because I haven't told her near enough.
But I guess that doesn't matter any more, anyways.
I have to figure out some way to put all those thoughts and feelings behind me...

I have to forget the need to express them...

It's hard to imagine ever feeling that way about someone again, but I guess I'll never know that til I move on, will I?

I probably should have let her go a long time ago.
I guess she'll never really understand why I didn't, and it won't mean anything to anyone else, so there's a big part of me that may always be alone.

It might be too late for me to ever fall in love now, but I see no reason to end my life over it.

Life is just what it is.
Sometimes you can explain what you feel, sometimes you can't.

Sometimes you feel things for the right reasons, sometimes you don't.

Sometimes you can unravel a mystery, sometimes you can't.

Some people find love. Some people don't.
Sometimes life is exactly what you expect it to be.
Sometimes, It's unpredictable.

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