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The fog rolls in as early morning comes. It is still very dark and the lamps of the parking lot strive to spread their light, but it is but a small halo in the mist and the darkness. A quietness lays in the air, almost a tangible thing. For a few minutes there is nothing to do but smoke my cigarette and let my mind wander.
As the day approaches for my move, I have become introspective. In about 4 days, I will have physically relocated from my North Carolina mountains to those in West Virginia.
I have been through a life time of memories, some forgotten and some still painfully alive, as I have packed...saving one item while disposing of another. The memories of life, learning, pain, joy and growth have all passed through my concious brain and often brought up emotions I thought well suppressed. But time is so limited now, I have not fully been able to live them. Such is the journey of one's life.
Now the livingroom is full of boxes for the last trip. A temporary home has been found for Baby, my Blue and Gold McCaw. Shade had her puppies, two girls and two boys. They are so beautiful as they begin their journey in life. Torri, my Quaker, and Gimpy Girl, my cockatiel, are both in their new smaller cages and very upset with momma. Dottie and Ayla are still napping most of the time and Roscoe, Shade's mate, is oblivious to the changes about to occur in his life.
When I leave this last time, it will be the final break. All will change forever...but then that has happened before. There have been several changes in my life...things that have happend that have left their permanent imprint on my mind and soul...and my heart.
I feel the fear of the future...life has been so painful. Can I withdraw enough so it does not hurt? Can I build enough walls? And if I do, can I keep my inner self open to my special friend here? Yes, I can do that. He has been my good friend and is a wonderful man. He, in memories and future meetings, will be with me as I go. There is comfort in that. And perhaps one day I will return here.
I have my babies...my animals...and will be with my father and brother. That will be enough. That and my friend here. The work to move has been filled with so much activity that there has been little time to think or feel, and that has been a blessing. But the time that comes after the move...the time when all is still...where will I be then? Not my location...but my heart and soul....
Where will I be? Who will I be then?