The Dark  

Gryphon 59F
34 posts
12/20/2005 10:09 pm

Last Read:
1/13/2007 5:28 pm

The Dark

I sit here staring at the blank page. It has many similarities with my life. The despondency of the night is upon me and I sit and contemplate my future. It looks to be a bleak one tonight. I take a draw off of my cigarette and watch as the smoke trails out, dissipating into the air until no sign is left.

I see a lonely future. Not just a future where I am alone, but also lonely. Regardless of the twists of my path in this life and the grayness that surrounds it until it too dissipates into nothingness, I sense the full depth of being lonely waiting there for me.

I try to think of any good I have done this lifetime and cannot find much to account for anything. Nothing that will impact the world or even bring good to one person’s life. I lived fully and in depth. Many challenges have come my way. But the challenges have brought hurt and left emptiness….ahhh…back to the lonely again.

Have you ever wondered what the purpose is to a lifetime? What are we to do with it? What is supposed to be our part of the whole? I have and do not have an answer any more. When I was young I had them all. As I grow older I find I have fewer and fewer. The one thing that seems consistent this life time is pain and loneliness. The few rare moments of happiness belong to a fantasy world and disappear back into that world, that dimension that has no permanent foundation in this life, except perhaps in my mind and imagination.

I take another puff from the cigarette and watch the smoke flow and think of Christmas. As it is celebrated now, it is a time of commerce, rushing, lights, activity, stress…but in the old days it was a time of darkness and a call and prayer for the Sun God to come back. The darkness fits my mood tonight, as does the cold. I am isolated from the world. I am alone. I am lonely.

I put my cigarette out. It is time for bed. Time to turn out the lights. Time to let the darkness take over when the last lamp is extinguished. Time to let the loneliness settle in.

rm_oneeyedbob2 52M

12/20/2005 10:31 pm

wow. you get a standing ovation for your deep though you put into your words. how can so many people feel the same way in this time of life. but then again what is the purpose glad you asked. because im also wanting to know. and babe im sure if oyu dig deep enough you will find that you have touched someone in some way and that there is some good to come out of it. thats all i have is the good. but the pain is no different then yours. cheer up. and smile someone heres your cry.

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