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CHINESE SICK LEAVE -
"I NOT COME WORK TODAY!!"
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I
really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That
makes everything better and I can go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel
great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.
A man walked up to his wife one morning while making breakfast, pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top panty hose". While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed his "mr.. wigly". With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother."
A man comes home to see his wife packing her suitcase. "Where are you going?", he says. "I'm going to Vegas," she answers. "I've heard I can get $150 a night for what I give you for free" she says. The woman waits on the porch for her cab and her husband disappears inside. When the cab shows up her husband runs outside hauling a suitcase behind him. "Where are you going?", she says. "I'm following you to Vegas", he says. "Why?" she asks. "Because I want to see how you can live off of $300 a year."
A successful young executive leaves his beachfront home and starts off on his daily walk down the shore. After a few minutes, he comes across a young quadroplegic woman in a wheelchair crying. He's a nice guy, so he stops and asks her what's wrong.
She looks up at him and says, "well you see, I've been a quadroplegic my entire life, and I've never been kissed before!"
He thinks for a second, says fuck it, leans over and gives her a kiss. Then he heads back home.
The next morning on his walk, he comes across the same young quadroplegic crying in her wheelchair. He asks her again, what's wrong?
She answers, "Well, I've been a quadroplegic my whole life, and I've never sucked a cock before!"
He thinks about it for a second, says fuck it, pulls his cock out and she goes to work. When she's done, he zips up and heads back to his house.
The next morning, he's on his walk and comes across the same whiny bitch. He's sick and tired of her bullshit, but he still asks her, "Alright, what's the problem now??"
She answers, "Well, I've been a quadroplegic my whole life, and I've never been fucked before!"
He looks at her for a second, picks her up out of her wheelchair and throws her in the ocean. As she's struggling to stay afloat, he yells, "Now you're fucked, bitch."
little boy blue, he needed the money
A little boy asked his dad what the difference was between potential and reality...
the dad thought for a little bit and told the son "go ask your mother if she would have sex with the mail man for 1 million dollars"
the little boy comes back and says "she said yes"
the father then tells the boy to go ask his sister if she would also do the same
the little boy comes back and says "she said yes too daddy"
just then the father looks down at his son and says..."now see here, potentially we are sitting on 2 million dollars, but in reality we just live with two sluts"
once there was an old man sitting on the tiolet taking a sunday morning shit.
smoking his cigar. Little did the old man know. That his wife just threw a big old roach in the tiolet and sprayed a ton of bug killer on it. well wouldn't you know it. When he was done smoking that cigar he threw the cigar between his legs. and the tiolet lit up like a torch . And burn his ass all the way. then the wife called 911 and they came to get him.. Now here comes the funny part. when they came to get him to take him to the hospital. the man lived on the 2nd floor. they braught him down the strairs on a gerny. when they heard the story of how he got his ass on fire. They dropped him and he flew down the stairs and broke his arm.