This is a message to those of you that seek ya high lites with Oxycontin ....  

Good2BeANurse 51F
208 posts
8/30/2006 6:54 pm

Last Read:
9/11/2006 12:10 pm

This is a message to those of you that seek ya high lites with Oxycontin ....

Those of you who know me well, know that I see nothing wrong with drinking a little and maybe smoking a lil weed... what you do is your own business to a certain degree, but when it effects other people's lives, I draw the line, and here is why:

I have a brother who is older than me by five years, he does all sorts of pills, mainly oxycontin. I have warned him for quite some time of what the future would hold for him, but did he listen? No. My brother is in a hospital at this moment, bleeding from every orifice in his body, the docs and the nurses are pumping him with blood, fighting to save his life. No sooner than the blood goes in, he throws it up or dumps it out in the form of feces.

He is wild as a buck, restrained, fighting and cursing everyone who is trying to help, while my mother stands at his window crying tears for a son who has been dead inside for years. I warned him, and I warned my family, but they turned their heads and overlooked the fact that he has a major problem. I've paid for rehab so many times, and for what? So he can come out, drive straight to his dealer and go back on the drugs.

He takes all sorts of pills, he takes Ativan, Xanax, Valium, Demerol, Codeine, anything he can get his hands on. He goes to the methadone clinic and uses methadone, the poor man's heroine. He has totaled more vehicles in the past year, than I have owned in my life. He has lost his business, his home, his life. He has lost his will to live.

He has nearly bankrupted my mom and myself. He has sold my horses to pay for his addiction, he has sold nearly everything he has, and I'm sure he has used other means of buying his fix as well.

This used to be a smart man, he had his own business, the respect of his community, and the respect and admiration of his friends and his family. Do you think he has only hurt himself with this? No... that line was crossed long ago, he has hurt everyone who has ever known him. This man had the good life, great friends, family who love him, a great career, a thriving business, and the love of a few good women in his lifetime.

My brother will die, if not tonight, then sometime in the near future. I hope to God he does not take anyone with him, but it is always possible. When he dies, my mom and I will step in again, and pay for his funeral. I'll pay his hospital bills too, just as always. I know I seem cold, maybe I am. The nurse in me is furious at him for doing this to himself. The kid sister in me is crying her eyes out over the big brother who taught me how to skim stones across the river and climb trees, the one who protected me, and taught me to fight and to face my fears. What fears is he facing now, when he hides from the World in a bottle of pills?

I won't be with him when he dies, I want to remember what he was like when he lived. I have spent so much money trying to "save him" I have depleted my own savings. Given the chance, I'm sure I would try to save him again, but I'm sure this time it is too late.

So... if you think the only one you hurt is yourself, think again. Put the pills down, go get help, take back your life, and live. Stop hurting others by hurting yourself. Watching you do this to yourself is killing the ones who love you.... trust me... I know.



sazzyagain 43F
3003 posts
8/30/2006 8:45 pm

nurseeeee i am soooo sorry to hear about your brother. I would like to say i hope everything works out ok, but unfortunately i can't. I have been there, yeah i have not watched someone die from drugs but i have seen wat it did to them and the people around them... unfortunately the one i saw do this was the father of my youngest child. I saw, and to this day I see, wat he does to himself and the ones that do love him....it destroys them...but he is in such a haze that he doesn't see it. Many have tried to talk to him...but he says he is fine and he doesn't see no harm in it at all....but he doesn't see the big pic...wat about his brothers, his father, even his one and only daughter.

You will be in my prayers Dee...u have been through alot and this just adds to it. You deserve all the happiness in the world... and a bright shiny rainbow over your head

Luv ya hun


Good2BeANurse 51F

8/31/2006 3:46 am

Sazzy, thank you, your words mean a lot to me... don't think there is any hope for him though, not now...


AngelEyez4u2004 57F
1473 posts
8/31/2006 4:31 am

Nurse I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, I never realized he had this sort of addiction ....is he the only brother u have? is this the same one we referred to as "12pack"? I can't really say i've ever experienced dealing with someone with such a bad addiction as this, but I do know what its like to watch someone close to you, care more about what foreign substances went into their bodies than even his own kids (my ex).....anyways hon, I'll keep him and you and yur mom in my prayers.


Good2BeANurse 51F

8/31/2006 5:43 am

Angel, it's my middle brother, he is 46. He has been on it for quite awhile now. Have not heard anything since 0200 this morning, last i heard they replenished his blood volume 7 times. Thanks for thinking and praying for us. Your friendship means a lot to me


howaboutahuck 66M
489 posts
8/31/2006 10:09 am

I hope your wrong about the finality of your brothers condition. There is always the hope that he will learn a lesson from this near fatal bout with his addiction. We can never give up on a loved ones, no matter what they might put us through. If we don't have the love of those we care the most for, we don't have life.
My hope's and prayers are with you and your family.

XXXOOOXXXOOO


StatuSedgyHairy 59M
158 posts
8/31/2006 2:29 pm

Dee I have watched a few ppl go down the tubes like that.....tis so sad....huggs lady ur in my prayers


attractivehorny 41M

8/31/2006 5:37 pm

Dee, i'm so sorry for your loss and hope you can cherish the many good memories you have of him. I saw my cousin, a child genius , lose all remnants of herself and end up in a life of heroin and prostitution and finally death, but what i remember is me and her playing when we were kids in the farm she grew up in, happier than i ever saw her in all her life. my thoughts are with you and yours . paulx


Good2BeANurse 51F

8/31/2006 8:03 pm

Paul... it's nice to finally know your name! Thank you for your thoughts on my brother, what he is going through must be the closest thing to hell on Earth, being so unhappy with your life, that you have to hide it in such depths with drugs. I love him to death, I know I seem cold, but to watch someone as smart as he is do this to himself is awful. I do remember the big brother of old, my protector and my hero, those are memories that cannot be erased.

I wish you blessings in your upcoming nuptials, and nothing but happiness in your future. I am so glad I got to know you, you have brought me so much laughter and smiles, it has been wonderful! I will surely miss you when you are gone, but I know it is for the best. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, never lose your passion or your zest, and never ever be afraid to show your love to anyone. Love is the most precious gift of all.

Love,
Dee


Good2BeANurse 51F

8/31/2006 8:06 pm

Frank... You're the best sweetie, and I love you. You never cease to make me smile, or feel better, no matter what the situation. Thanks for your warm thoughts, it is tough to watch this happen, you're right, as usual Can't wait until Sunday!

Love,
Dee


AngelEyez4u2004 57F
1473 posts
8/31/2006 8:07 pm

    Quoting Good2BeANurse:
    Angel, it's my middle brother, he is 46. He has been on it for quite awhile now. Have not heard anything since 0200 this morning, last i heard they replenished his blood volume 7 times. Thanks for thinking and praying for us. Your friendship means a lot to me
Dee ty, your friendship means alot ot me as well....if there's anything I can do other than pray, u know how to reach me to let me know ok?


Good2BeANurse 51F

9/1/2006 5:17 am

    Quoting AngelEyez4u2004:
    Dee ty, your friendship means alot ot me as well....if there's anything I can do other than pray, u know how to reach me to let me know ok?
Angel,
Thank you, not only for your friendship, but your prayers as well, for if anything will open his eyes that will. Lord knows I have tried most everything else. If he does make it through this he is going to have to change his life, otherwise I'm sure his life's journey is nearly over. Thanks for always being there for me, we sure do miss you in the Lobby, but I understand your decision in choosing to leave. And ditto... I will always be here for you too love ya too much not to be!

Love,
Dee


AngelEyez4u2004 57F
1473 posts
9/2/2006 6:26 am

    Quoting Good2BeANurse:
    Angel,
    Thank you, not only for your friendship, but your prayers as well, for if anything will open his eyes that will. Lord knows I have tried most everything else. If he does make it through this he is going to have to change his life, otherwise I'm sure his life's journey is nearly over. Thanks for always being there for me, we sure do miss you in the Lobby, but I understand your decision in choosing to leave. And ditto... I will always be here for you too love ya too much not to be!

    Love,
    Dee
Well I hope he does make it through this, and that it will be a major eye opening for him. Hopefully he will get his life on track somehow, someway, if the will is there, then he will do it, but it is out of our hands, tis between him and the lord now.

As for being missed in the lobby, I'm sure only a handful have even noticed my absense, but those handful are the only ones who truly matter....and who knows, perhaps someday the wench in me will reappear, or hell maybe tis the devil in me thats actually wanting to return? Lord knows I aint no damn angel anymore luv ya too


rm_ricardo4732 62M
30 posts
9/3/2006 10:06 pm

Dee. i read this blog & can relate in so many ways. I lost a brother not to substance abuse , but to a fatal accident. my point however is the fact that i saw the very same brother high on acid when i was home on leave from the Army. He too stole things , sold things to supply his habits. The alcohol & substance abuse issue runs through both sides of my family. I too having struggled with things at times. It is because of these facts that i can totally feel for you as well as him. It is not easy to do , what you did. It also is not easy when you have an addiction. I pray for the both of you & wish you the very best. May peace be with you some day so that you can move on in your life. All my love to you, & a BIG HUG 2 U....Rick


bratt1955 61F
130 posts
9/4/2006 6:42 am

Nurse... i just read about your brother... i am so sorry hun. Know your in my thoughts and prayers hun!!!!!!
KAY


ga_born1969 47M
10 posts
9/10/2006 11:50 pm

nurse sorry to hear about your brother sweetie. i have a couple of friend's takeing all kinds of pills .been tyring to talk to them about know who you feel almost lost my brother to drinking and pill's.thank god he got help in time . i hpoe the best for you and your family hugs...james


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