Stormy atmosphere....  

Good2BeANurse 51F
208 posts
9/5/2006 1:50 pm

Last Read:
9/10/2006 4:21 am

Stormy atmosphere....

I awaken to the boom of thunder, and the flash of lightning, as a fierce storm approaches. Your body next to mine, warm and inviting, just a finger's touch away, enticing me to awaken you with a slow gentle kiss beneath bed linen. You sleep so peacefully, snoring lightly, unmoving... still, I want to awaken you and make love with you.

Instead I place a soft kiss upon your lips and sneak away quietly... knowing you need to rest. I tip toe into the living room and gaze out at the storm filled sky, my thoughts never leaving the warmth of your skin, and the desires of my mind.

Thunder booms in the distance as lightning flashes across the sky, but there is no rain. It does seem fitting that the atmosphere is in turmoil, as so am I. My mind is racing around thoughts of you, how special you are, and all the things I now know about you, that I find so endearing and so sweet. Memories of the past few months, when things were so awful and my heart lay in pieces upon the floor from someone I loved as true as love can be, cause me to be cautious and take things slowly.

The hardest thing I ever had to face was losing the love of someone that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my loving. I want no repeats of that, not ever again. It nearly destroyed me, especially the way it was all out in the open, for all to see the tears as they rolled down my face and the embarrassment and pain caused by his terrible, terrible words. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than to ever put myself in that position again. It hurt too bad, and it took so much from me, that I could not recognize myself.

Finally the rain begins to fall, heavy sheets of moisture reducing visibility, as steam rises up from the hotness of the Earth. Storms cleanse the atmosphere, as well as the Earth, I wish they could cleanse my soul, and remove each and every memory of the pain, agony, and torment of the last three months. Maybe then I would be whole again, at peace, and ready for love. I wonder how long it will take for me to find myself again, or if I ever will be able to do so.

I think we all tend to question, from time to time, just whether or not we are worthy of love. I know I find myself contemplating that thought daily. So many things happen to us all and we begin to question what it is about us that makes us unlovable, undesirable, or unwanted. I felt so discarded after the last several months, kind of felt like trash, unworthy of anything that life had to offer.

This has really taken a toll on me, and it still bothers me, although I hate to admit it. Don't get me wrong here, I know it is over and it can never ever be what it seemed to be, but still it has an effect on me. Sincerely speaking, a part of me was lost back then, and I doubt I'll ever find her again. She was so trusting and understanding, so passionate and full of love, now she is an empty vessel. It is a shame that it only took one person to banish her away.

I know that each day gets a little better, and I heal a little more, but still it seems to be taking forever. I want my old self back, right now, today! Godspeed time to me, let me wish it away, and awaken and find that person who I was inside has returned once more, and please let me love again, only this time... don't let me lose it again.



AngelEyez4u2004 57F
1473 posts
9/5/2006 2:30 pm

Nurse hon I hate to sound so cliche, but time does heal apparently. Might not be today, or tomorrow, or next week, month, but it will happen. Hell I'm still waiting for time to do its thing on me. Its not easy to have loved and lost, for whatever reason there were. I know you will find yourself someone truly deserving of you, someone who won't hurt you, but instead, will take away whatever hurt u are feeling now. Chin up and walk proud girl and kick ass along the way


rm_spiff33 49M

9/9/2006 9:00 pm

Nurse.

I feel your pain because the same thing happened to me not so terribly long ago. You feel now as if u can't trust another person to come any where close to your heart. That is not fair to yourself or the other person.As Angel said in the post above. TIme does heal and if you need a friend please feel free to write me.

Thanks and good luck,
Mel


rm_spiff33 49M

9/9/2006 9:11 pm

I feel your pain because the same thing happened to me not so terribly long ago. You feel now as if u can't trust another person to come any where close to your heart. That is not fair to yourself or the other person.As Angel said in the post above. TIme does heal and if you need a friend please feel free to write me.

Thanks and good luck,
Mel


rm_KatLover62 54M
1 post
9/9/2006 11:38 pm

Nurse:
I truly am sorry, and I wish I could help or say something to make you feel better. XOXOXOX. I do believe you are a sweet person, and I know that person is still there inside you. The mask of pain you have over your heart will fade and the real you we know and LOVE will reappear.

Take Care Sweety, and know that our thoughts are with you!!!
A caring Friend
Kat


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