Do I belong here or not?  

Goldenhairgodess 63F
471 posts
8/5/2005 4:28 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Do I belong here or not?

I have come to the realization that it was shame that brought me here.I Was using other G rated
dating services and found that I longed for
intimate contact. When I met with one guy at Starbucks, I found myself overwhelmed with desire. I took him home and gave in to that
desire. He kept saying "Now thats a surpise.
I wasn't expecting this." When he failed to contact me again, the shame set in. I was sure
he saw me as a slut, and I would never hear from him again. How could I allow this to happen? I did decide that I should be here. Although my
ultimate goal is to have a LTR, if I should become overwhelmed again, I want to be with someone who will not judge me harshly for it.
One who will follow up with a call or an email to ease any guilt I may have for it. Well, it was
my hope anyways. Wishing it doesn't make it so.
Knowing this about myself leads me to be opposed
to one night stand situations. I cannot do that
guilt and shame free. Also, sensetive to those
that would judge a woman for doing what men do all
the time, satisfy a real need. I am not looking
for a repeat of that situation, but if it happens
it happens. I will not beat myself up for it.

mygmyg 59M

8/5/2005 12:31 pm

G.H.Godess, don't beat yourself up, Your partner had the same issues the next day. We, men, just choke the feelings down, not admit that the feelings are there, and wait for the feeling to lessen over time.

Absolutely nothing wrong with having and enjoying sex! We both know it is great! Re-energizing, that floating feeling, walking on air, Yahoo, we all want that sensation of physical satiation.

And you're right about the LTR, finding that partner is the impetus for the search.

The contacts that are available to you through the site may not call back the next day, hopefully careful screening will eliminate this from occuring.

Hope things go well, and you find satisfaction and the ltr that you search.

okeefriggindoke 62M
1 post
8/5/2005 1:19 pm

Why worry and nothing to be ashamed of. We are human ... and if you consider it a mistake well we all make them


Goldenhairgodess 63F
396 posts
8/5/2005 5:33 pm

Thanks for the kind words connor696;
If I had an excuse (drunk or he seduced me) it would be easier to understand for most people. But the truth, I am afraid is really very
unbelievable. That I had been celebrate for 12 years. The desire had been dorment for a very long time. So why thn and why him? I made the mistake of telling him that. So not only does he probibly think I am a slut but also a blatant liar. So how can I blame him?

Goldenhairgodess 63F
396 posts
8/5/2005 5:52 pm

Hi okeefriggindoke;
Welcome to my blog. And thank you for your comment. I cannot help but think of the saying "No good deed goes unpunished". So it is
when doing the right thing (telling the truth) ends up being the
worst thing to do.
So I try to abide by a "Do not ask and do not tell" policy, which is
not much better. And to say to someone "None of your business" leads to all sorts of speculation. It is a catch 22 for me no matter what.
So at times I think, "The h___ with it. I may as well indulge becouse either way, people choose to believe the worst about others anyways. If you look for the worst in others you can always find it. So where are the "Polly Anna's" of the world? We could sure use some. Now that
I have completely embarrased myself, I think I will go eat some peanut
butter cups and enjoy a wonderful Fiday night alone again.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/8/2005 9:00 am

Well if some guy judges you, he is not worth it. You were supposed to do what give up your life and pleasure to wait for someone?

Personally I would enjoy knowing the details of someone, not worht judging that!

best wishes always

Goldenhairgodess 63F
396 posts
8/15/2005 3:48 am

Thanks Philosophy and Sunrise;
Sticking to my values is exactly what I try to do. Being under the
the influence of my upbring and in conflict with the person I am
becoming makes me extra sensetive to the attitudes of others. The
self doubts, combind with with how I am recieved serves to under
mind my resolve to keep to my values. I am either a prude or a slut.
I am trying to reach the middle ground to be neither. Does that make

rm_CATMEX2 60M
3 posts
8/22/2005 10:43 am


wanakissuallover 57M
411 posts
8/27/2005 2:01 am

Get Out of my Head!

Golden, you just put into words how i've felt for so very long. The things you were taught as a child conflicting w/the things you want as an adult. Time to let the guilt go (Mom are you sure we aren't Jewish?)...I Enjoy Sex (i'd enjoy it a lot more if i had someone to enjoy it w/besides myself lol)...I'm Not a Slut (well, not yet anyway, but there's always tomorrow lol)...You make perfect sense to me anyway!

Did you say Peanut Butter Cups? Pass the milk, i'm up for that. Do ya remember the song "Another Sat. Night"? ( the Cat Stevens version for me) they should re-name it another "weekend" in our honor. Hah, it is another "alone" Friday night for me (3 wks after this blog was posted).

Hope all the other wknds since haven't been too bad for you.

Thanks for sharing your blog, it's nice to know i'm not alone w/my thoughts about life.

Goldenhairgodess 63F
396 posts
8/27/2005 9:15 am

Thank you for posting wannakissuallover;
I am glad you are able to relate to where my thoughts take me. I find
it very theropudic to just put into words what is on my mind or in my
heart. Maybe you should start a blog? Often my thoughts are
triggered by another persons blog. And if there is a safe place to be
open and honest, and touch another persons life in a good way. then
I say-go for it! We can all learn from each other.

Goldenhairgodess 63F
396 posts
8/27/2005 9:18 am

BTW-if anyone can read Spanish, what is CATMEX2 saying?

rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
10/1/2005 11:50 pm

It's sad sometimes when what you expect and what you get are two different things. But don't ever beat yourself up for wanting, finding, and taking care of something that was needed or wanted in a certain moment.
He should have called. But didn't. The next one may overwhem you with calls. You never know.

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