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Intro To BONDAGE
Intro To BONDAGE
Many people fantasize about being controlling or about being controlled, and (in most cases) this is a healthy fantasy. While you can always do this in daily life the bedroom is a good place to live out those desires.
People who wish to be in control are usually referred to as the dominant, or the Dom, for short. People who wish to be controlled are called the submissive, or sub. Most people chose to be one or the other, but sometimes you may wish to experiment to see which you prefer, or you can change from Dom to Sub depending on your mood.
The fist thing is to have a partner to share your fantasy. This person must be someone you trust fully whether you are Dom or the Sub. I recommend playing these games with a long time partner, not a one-time stand. Anything you do with someone you do not know may get out of hand. Both parts in the dynamic have a big responsibility for the safety and well being of the other, because while it may seem that the Dom in total control, in reality the Sub has just as much power.
As the Dom it is your responsibility to control the amount and type of stimulation the Sub receives. As the Sub you must tell your Dom when things becomes too intense or if the situation becomes uncomfortable in any way. If there is not enough communication between the Dom and the Sub there is a good chance of someone being physically or emotionally hurt.
I recommend you make a code word so that the Dom knows when the Sub really needs to stop verses when the Sub in really in the moment. Code word should be easy to remember in case things go to far, but something you might not say during play. Depending on the situation your code word may even just a simple "Ouch, damn it that hurts."
There are a few things most commonly associated with bondage: tying someone up, spanking, teasing, and obedience training. All of these can come in a wide variety and can be used in any combination or separately.
When tying someone be sure that the ties do not cut off circulation or force the Sub into an uncomfortable position. The point of bondage for a Sub is to be able to let go not to be hurt. Also tight or uncomfortable bond can lead to strained or pulled muscles and joints.
There is such a wide range of things to bind people with, and ways of doing it that the only way to cover them all would be a book (one about the size of a phone book) in fact there are numerous books about the subject. Lets just go with a few of the basics. For the actual bonds you can use just about any thing scarves, neck ties, rope, string, strips of cloth, or hand cuffs to name a few.
Scarves, neckties, and strips of cloth are a nice way to start, you can get them in ever material know to man. They are easy to find and you may have some around the house already or buy some just for play. For inexpensive scarves and neck ties you can use just for play try the local thrift store. (The items there may not match the bedroom, but if you're really worried about it you probably aren't having any fun any way.)
Ropes and string or twine, are a little more intense then scarves. For one it is usually hard to get out of in a hurry, also some types of rope will dig into the skin and cut off circulation more easily than scarves. Before bring ropes into the bedroom try them out ahead of time. Nothing kills the mood like having to stop repeatedly because the Subs arms are numb.
I do NOT recommend handcuffs for beginners as they can be to intimidating for novices. If you are going to use them you will mostly want to the furry kind, as they will not leave bruises like the metal one will. You can get them at a store if you don't want to go to one (or there is not a store that has bondage supplies near you) For Your Pleasure sells them (along with a lot of other things to spice up your bedroom).
You can also buy a wide variety of bondage equipment at most adult toy stores, or from a For Your Pleasure rep.
Once the Sub is bond the fun can began. The Dom can blindfold the Sub or not and began to tease or stoke the Sub. You can use a feather or your hands to stimulate the Sub, just be creative. Your can use warming lotions, or edibles that you can lick off. The point of teasing is to get the Sub as close to orgasm as possible, so it is important to read the Subs body langue. At some point the Sub should be allowed to orgasm, how and when should be at the Dom's discretion.
There are as many ways to spank, as there are to tie some one up. You can use your hand, the back of a hair bush, a strap, a belt, a fly swatter, a riding crop, or just about anything you can think of. Just be sure that you are not using anything with a point or a sharp edge as you may cut the Sub. With spanking make sure that if the Sub is bond, that there is enough play in the bonds that the sub can brace them self. (I had a friend once that broke her arm when her Dom tied her up and spanked her, when the first blow came she lost her balance and fell. That was not a fun trip to the ER.)
Spanking is where communication and your code word come in. Subs no matter how much your Dom is enjoying spanking you if it is too intense you need to tell them immediately! This should be as fun for you as it is for them. Doms if you get the scene that your Sub is indomitable stop what you are doing to make sure that they are okay.
Obedience training usually is not for beginners. It is where the Dom trains the Sub to do tasks on command. Doms use actual bondage, teasing, and spanking as a system of reward and punishment. Doms have Sub do anything from common household chores to having Subs play games for the Doms amusement. Doms may even have Subs perform for his or her friend or against other Subs. Obedience training may be your goal as the Dom or the Sub but be sure that you have mastered and are comfortable with the basics.
A good Dom will never force a Sub to do something the Sub is uncomfortable doing, or is harmful. A good Sub will let their Dom know what they like and dislike, and will not let the Dom coax them unto an unsafe situation.