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How To Cheat Male/Female
How To Cheat Male/Female
How To Cheat On Your Spouse
"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but your thighs are so delightful. She has no place to go, let her blow, let her blow, let her blow."
I caught a bit of the holiday spirit on the way to the mall and began humming the Christmas song while driving down the highway. Somewhere along the way I changed the words a bit and laughed.
Don't I wish! I mean, my secretary was a cutie, and yes, she would have made an excellent partner in the sack. But there was a little problem: I was married with three children, and the little woman at home frowned upon marital transgressions. I know that for a fact, because it wasn't all that long ago that she caught me in the act.
That was not a pretty scene. After some time and counseling, we mended fences, but I got the ultimatum: even flirting with another woman was cause for her to give me the pink slip, kissing her, my kids, our house and most of our bank account, goodbye.
I took those words to heart, and have been a model husband for more than half a decade.
Then there are guys like Artie, a manager in the Accounting Department at the company where I'm employed. On the outside he's a pleasant enough guy in his early 30s with a wife and two lovely children. Behind the scenes, though, he's a wolf. A certifiable louse.
He's strayed more times than a barnyard cat, and somehow has never been caught.
I thought of this while driving to the mall, and given my past history, decided to ask him how he does it. I didn't think he would answer, but it wouldn't hurt to ask.
So I did.
Much to my surprise, Artie was agreeable, and over a few beers at our local Irish pub, we spoke about the ins and outs, so to speak, of cheating on one's spouse. What follows are his frank answers to my probing questions.
Q: We've talked in the past about some of your, well, dalliances, and I wondered if you could answer a few questions, anonymously, of course.
A: Ask away!
Q: Do you love your wife?
A: Of course. She's a darling, the mother of my children, and a great friend too.
Q: Then why...?
A: (Interrupting) Why do I, uh, stray?
Q: Uh huh.
A: That's a complicated question. Probably something for a psychologist or psychiatrist to probe. But if you drill down and look for an answer, I'd say it's the excitement. The thrill of the conquest. The danger.
Q: Life on the wild side, eh?
A: Yes. I think that's it.
Q: Do you fear being caught, being found out?
A: Of course I do. I think about it all the time. But something happens when I smell the challenge of a conquest, and, stuff happens.
A: Guess that depends on your definition of often.
Q: Okay. Give me a number, then. You've been married about 8 years, right? How many, uh, liaisons, have your had?
A: (After some thought) There have been nine women since I got married, but three of them I knew before Julie and I were married and we sort of got together again for little flings after my marriage.
Q: When was the first?
A: I'm embarrassed to say the weekend after I got married. I ran into an old girlfriend at the grocery store, of all places. We talked for a while, stopped for coffee, and after sitting and talking in her car for a while she went down on me. It was fantastic. I think it was a real turn on for her to get me to cheat on my wife so soon after getting married. It was the only time we did it, but it was an unbelievable, exciting happening.
Q: No regrets?
A: Absolutely. I shook all the way home. I had to stop at a fast food place on the way home to clean myself off, wash her smell away. I mean, my Julie would sometimes surprise me when I got home with a quick bj before supper, and that's all I needed! So I stopped and washed myself off just in case.
Q: Did she?
A: What, when I got home you mean? No, but later that night the sex was fantastic! I kept thinking about having two different women in the same day.
Q: What is your secret to keeping these, uh, dalliances, secret?
A: Obviously, the biggest thing is to be discreet. You never know whom you might run into, or where, so it's important to be smart about where you will meet, how you can explain if stumbled upon at, say, a public place like a restaurant. And it's especially important to keep track of where you are supposed to be and when.
Q: You mean an alibi?
Q: Say more...
A: Well, receipts are bad, unless they serve a purpose. By that I mean, if you are going to Morton's Steakhouse and an item shows up on your credit card bill, it would be easy for Julie to open the bill and question me on what I was doing at an expensive restaurant. I mean, the company isn't generally going to pay for me to take a client or someone there. So, why in the world would it be there? It would be hard to explain that away.
Q: So how do you charge things then?
A: Cash is king. But sometimes a credit card is necessary, like at a hotel or that fine restaurant. I have one of those addresses at a Mailboxes, Etc., where I receive my "special" credit card bills. I pay they with postal money orders so there isn't a cancelled check.
A: Just common sense. But sometimes a credit card can verify where I've been, and that can be just as important. For instance, I've been seeing this married girl in Pittsburgh. Now that's about five hours from here, too far to drive up and back in the same day. So I will schedule a business trip there. Stay the night, and invite her over to the hotel for breakfast and then a little morning delight before heading back home. It works for her, it works for me.
Q: You just mentioned the word married. I would think you would be after single women?
A: Not really. Married women are best. Single women can be all sorts of problems, I know it first hand. I've been with a couple single women but over time things get more serious and all of a sudden you have the possibility of getting a phone call at home and that's nothing but trouble. Married women, on the other hand, have a lot to lose if our relationship is uncovered. Both of us stand to lose. So they are careful, I am careful, and that works best. Plus, the sex becomes really great in two ways: first, the excitement of having another man's wife. Second, you do for her what her man can't. Another distinct turn on.
Q: What other "secrets" do you have?
A: Just a few. Never, ever, neglect your spouse. They have an innate ability to sense when something is up. So make sure you give them the time and affection they need. Be caring. And that shouldn't be a problem if you love her. I know I love my wife dearly. Be sensitive to her needs. Be there for her.
Q: Those are all hints about your spouse. But what about, well, stuff outside your marriage.
A: I'm getting to that. And that's the point. You have to take care of business at home or else anything else will be easily detectable. You wife is, after all, your wife. Presumably you love her. I love mine.
A: Thinking of other relationships, outside marriage, some things are obvious.
Q: Don't take the other woman home? Don't call out her name in bed?
A: (Smiling) Now you are catching on. Don't have lipstick on your collar! But seriously, no biting. It is very hard to explain a hickey on your neck or butt or somewhere. And use a condom, you don't want to be bringing anything home with you! Have an alibi. Witnesses are good that way. As I said before, don't leave a trail of evidence.
Q: That sounds a like a bit of contradiction. Don't be seen, but have a witness.
A: Good point. Different strokes for different folks. What I mean is, you don't want to be scene with a woman in an improper setting. If you are out dancing at your country club with the "other woman" in front of your wife's friends, that's suicide. But if you are dining downtown and aren't all over each other in a booth, if someone you know happens to see you it's merely a common sense situation.
Q: How so?
A: First off, you tell your wife you are having dinner with a client, you don't necessarily say where. She has your cell phone number, so if she has an emergency or something and calls, you are available. Second, if someone does happen to see you, introduce the woman and get the reason for the dinner out front right off. For instance, "Hi Bill, I'd like you to meet Dana, who represents the XYZ Company." Of course, you have to make sure Dana knows how to play the part. Don't make her a computer salesperson if she doesn't know a hard drive from a CD ROM or something. Rehearse the part if you are going to be out on the town. Be smart about it.
Q: What else?
A: Never over commit with the "other" woman. Don't promise her you will leave your wife. Don't tell her things that aren't going to happen. Be up front about the situation. Now of course, if it's a one-night stand, bets off. You should probably assume another identity or make sure you don't leave any telltale signs of whom you really are. But if you are in a relationship with a married woman, for instance, know what she needs and make sure that's what you give her. If she needs a new relationship, and that's supposed to be you, then cut it off. Otherwise you are walking on thin ice.
Q: Okay. So let me get this straight. First off, make sure you take care of things at home as to not create any suspicion. Do not neglect your spouse or her needs. Second, be smart, use common sense. Third, be discreet. Fourth, watch where and how you pay for things. Fifth, an attached woman is a better prospect for a discreet liaison than a single woman. Sixth, take care to avoid incriminating marks, like hickeys, lipstick, matches, receipts, or, worse case, STDs.
A: Absolutely. And there are a few more things. How about seven, have an alibi for where you are going and what you are going to do there. Eight know your partners, your wife and your "friends". You don't want to miss an anniversary to be with the "other" woman, it would be a dead giveaway to your wife that something was wrong. Likewise, if your friend becomes too possessive, no matter how good the sex is, you have to cut it off before she gets too serious.
Q: Any others?
A: A couple old standbys. Don't go changing your looks all of a sudden. I know this one guy who went on a diet, changed his hairstyle, bought a convertible, all to impress the girl...only to get caught in the act at a local motel by his wife on their first rendezvous. It was obvious he was up to something.
Q: Anything else?
A: How about this: be careful to dispose of any evidence. Love note are wonderful to get, but have to be destroyed! Can you imagine me trying to explain how a love note from another woman happened to get into my briefcase?
Q: A definite no no!
A: You have that right! By the way, do you remember Jeff Atkins at our Chicago office? He's the perfect example of this. His wife found intimate photos of him and his girlfriend on their laptop. It was impossible for him to explain that away.
Q: Oh no! I guess not. That goes back to being careful, being discreet, being smart, right?
A: That's the long and the short of it.
Q: Well, I appreciate your candor.
A: Hey, as long as this is anonymous, no problem.
Q: Well, it is, of course. I have to ask you, though, any regrets?
A: (Thinking)...yes, absolutely. I feel like a bastard at times, especially after a rendezvous. The guilt can be tremendous. I feel like trash, and I recognize I probably am in lots of ways. But I rationalize it, I guess. I do love my wife, I try and make her happy. But there is this little voice inside which drives me toward women and, well, there are some great things that happen.
A: The variations in lovemaking. Deborah, for instance, gives the best head in the world, and she does it in cars, in my office, wherever. She's amazing, she gets off on it. And Kelly loves it up the ass. Her husband has never had her their, yet I have. I took her anal virginity! I've done it doggie style over her own bed. I'm really not trying to brag, but I've done it in great locations, all places imaginable, you name it. It has been great sex. I love it and think I'll keep doing it.
Q: As long as you don't get caught.
A: Absolutely. And if it comes to that, in the words of a former President, deny, deny, deny.
Some insightful comments from a guy who should know. A guy who cheats and gets away with it. It's not for everyone, it's not for me, but if you are going down that path recognize that for every bit of excitement there's a whole lot of guilt and concern and danger.
Maybe that's the whole reason he's so good at it.
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllJessica is a sweet 35-year-old woman who has been married nine years. An attractive, 5-6 brunette, wearing jeans and a slinky chiffon top, she seemed a bit nervous when I turned on the tape recorder.
Q: We've talked on the Internet about your dalliances, and I wonder if you would be willing to go off the record on this topic if no specific personal details are exposed so that you will remain anonymous?
A: As long as nobody can identify me, why not? I mean, you promise to return the tape to me once you are done the story?
Q: Surely. I'll give you my license to hold onto or something. It will be our little secret. Solet's begin. Do you love your husband?
A: Absolutely. We have a good relationship and he is my best friend. We've had our ups and downs, but he's a great man.
Q: But you have strayed from your wedding vows, correct? If you love him, why have you cheated on him?
A: I've thought about that since reading your other story. Like your friend, it is a complicated question to answer. My husband is a wonderful man. We are soul mates. We live a good life, have great friends and so forth. But for me there is something missing. He's an older man, he's about 20 years older than me, and over the last few years sex has gotten less frequent and wasn't very satisfying.
At first I tried to change things in my marriage, I'd be more seductive, think of ways to seduce him, entice him, and turn him on more often. I have a dresser full of sexy lingerie. I've tried to talk dirty. I've attempted to do things he said he liked having done to him. But after a while I realized he just didn't have the same desires I had. It was something I lived with.
I love him. I would never leave him. I don't want to get caught in any compromising position, I don't want him to know. I don't want him hurt. I just wanted, needed, a little more.
Q: Yet something changed. You admitted to me that you have cheated on him. Why?
A: With my last answer as a start, you can see I was frustrated at not getting the sex I wanted. Deep down, I wanted to try it all. Apart from having no desire for a lot of pain or humiliation, there wasn't much I didn't want to do or try. My husband wasn't satisfying that need, and I started looking elsewhere.
Q: How was sex before you were married?
A: Very good. Maybe not as frequent as I would have liked, but the frequency didn't bother me back then. It was good, although in retrospect it wasn't as risqué or naughty as I would have liked. I wanted to experiment, like with mild bondage, watching pornography while doing "it", or anal play, and that wasn't his bag. He likes missionary, he likes me to be submissive rather than active, and overall, isn't very imaginative in bed. With a lover, it is different. I rarely do missionary with a lover. I just might try anything. It's exciting, the sex is a little more on the edge.
Q: You wanted a little more sex with a wild flavor, eh?
A: (laughs) Yes, I guess so. I mean, nothing really crazy, but I just hated it when I'd run my finger along his ass and he'd jump back, or that he obviously didn't enjoy it when I got on top of him. Heck, most guys would love to be blown in the car, but he would push me away if I even attempted it. Oops, that one hit close to home, huh?
Q: You are really funny. I guess you did read my other story, the one where my wife caught me with my cock in my secretary's mouth. But seriously, do you fear that he will find out that you have cheated on him?
A: Oh lord yes. It would break his heart. I am definitely not open or overt about cheating. We don't have an "agreement". A girlfriend of mine was caught cheating by her husband, and my husband caller her a whore. I can't imagine what he would call me. So I take precautions. I am very careful.
Q: How many times have you cheated?
A: Times? Like as in how many times I have had sex outside marriage? Or how many men I have slept with?
A: I've actually had more partners after I got married than before. I feel a bit slutty confessing this, but I've had about 17 partners since I began (cheating). I pride myself on the fact that I have always been safefor obvious reasons this is important.
Q: When was the first time you had an affair?
A: As I mentioned before, it was about three years after I had gotten married. It wasn't planned, but I had been feeling the need for more sex and began fantasizing about seducing someone or being seduced. Still, when it happened, I was a bit surprised.
Q: How so?
A: I didn't think I could act on the impulse, I suppose.
Q: What happened?
A: He was a young salesman visiting our offices. Right out of college, still wet behind the years, but with "the look". He was scrumptious. Muscles in the right places, a quick talker. We had talked on the phone a few times before I actually met him, discussing business of course. But when he walked into the conference room that day for his presentation to us I got weak in the knees. It's a good think nobody called on me in the meeting, because I was in la la land for much of it. We joked and talked a bit after the meeting, and I was mesmerized my him.
We spoke a few times on the telephone after that meeting, and when he came back to the office late one day the next week to sign the deal and deliver some papers we agreed to meet for drinks at a local bar. I don't know what got over me, but after two drinks I asked him to walk me to my car. We did it that night in the back seat and it was cramped, furious and fantastic.
Q: Was that the beginning of an affair?
A: Yesnonot really. We met a couple other times, made love on each occasion, but it sort of fizzled after a while. We didn't have much in common or a lot to talk about.
Q: But you've had other lovers.
A: A couple other young, single guys, but for the most part they have been married men with something to lose if they were found out. They get something they don't get at home, I get something I don't get at home. Quid pro quo. No fuss, no muss.
There is something about variety. I've had encounters with big men, small men, you name it, and I've been with all kinds of guys.
Q: Big as in size of their equipment?
A: No, silly. Big like over 6 feet tall! But yes, I have had various sizes and shapes of their personal equipment. I like long cocks, but really love thick ones. Every time I open up a fly it's a treat, because you don't really know what is in those underpants. Guys you expect to be huge might not be, others surprise you.
Q: What's the longest lasting relationship you have had?
A: Well, it's not an every month rendezvous, but I have a very special friend who I've seen for four years. He lives in another state. He's married. He travels a bit on the job and every so often our paths cross. We've probably done it 50 or 60 times, but we can go months without seeing each other.
Q: How do you keep it away from your spouse?
A: Just like all the others. Deceit. I hate it, and am constantly worrying about leaving some piece of incriminating evidence. Still, the attraction for the sex is so great that it is worth it. I am just very careful. It entails a great deal of planning, and a whole lot of trail covering.
You have to be very smart about it, and you can't, at all costs, screw up. You have to think ahead, you have to anticipate something will go wrong. You are constantly looking over your shoulder, staying away from places where you might run into someone who shouldn't be seeing you. I always go where I am saying I am going, even if just to drive by, so I can keep my story straight.
The guy usually pays for things, so there aren't receipts that might find their way into my possession. I clearly am not going to keep any souvenirs. I never give out a home phone number, and demand that I call them using a phone card that can't be traced back to me. I insist the guy always use protection, because the last thing I would need is to come down with something. This one guy wanted to keep my panties as a memento, and I told him he was crazy. How could he possibly explain them to his wife if she accidentally found them?
Q: It sounds as if you are good at keeping things secret. Do things always work as planned?
A: Well, I haven't been caught. Sometimes I wonder why I do ita one or two hour rendezvous can take days to plan. It isn't easy. And then there are the last minute cancellations or changes in plans because of a lover's last minute family responsibilities. In times like that you still have to go out, carrying through with your plan without the sex because you can't have too many cancellations without him catching on. I have driven around town a few times passing the time because of a last minute emergency or problem with my lover meeting me.
Q: What do you look for in a lover?
A: You might think it would be a perfect body, a real stud. Someone who knocks a woman off her feet. But while looks are important so is someone with a good sense of humor, someone who can talk about more than just himself, someone who takes an interest in me, someone who actually listens and cares about what I have to say.
Of course I want someone who is adventurous in bed. Early on it might be tentative sex, but after that first time it has to be intense. Anything but missionary, sometimes outside of the bedroom. Danger is a major turn on.
Q: Have you "done it" in unusual places?
A: (Laughing) My armpit? I assume you meanwell, different locations. Yes, a few places which aren't a bedroom. In a moving car, for instance. I gave a lover head while we were driving. I don't suggest that, because in looking back that is very, very dangerous!
I've done it in the back seat outside a restaurant, in a mall parking lot, at a park, you name it and I've tried it. I've given head in the front seat while the guy pretended he was reading the newspaper and I worked on him underneath while people were getting into cars nearby.
Other different places include a rest room at a gas station, on a park bench, and my personal favorite, giving a lover a blowjob, kneeling in front of him alongside the AMTRAK railroad tracks while a Metroliner was passing. It was so hot because there was no way anyone would have known who we were since the train was moving at more than a hundred miles an hour. He came in my mouth just as the last car was whizzing past.
This one man, a married guy in his 40s, wanted me to go down on him in one of those glass elevators. He stopped the thing between floors high in a hotel with an atrium. Here we were, high above everyone downstairs, but perfectly in view for those in other elevators. It was awesome. We quickly got out on a floor and made our way down the stairway to his room.
Then there is the man I mentioned that I've been seeing on and off for four years. I blew him at the Philadelphia airport when he had an hour layover between connecting flights. I met him at the gate, and surprised him because he thought we were only meeting for coffee. But I was early and noticed that no planes were leaving from these two gates at the end of one terminaland it was just down the hall from where his plane was arriving. I walked with him down the corridor, turned and sat him down and told him I had a surprise for him. I made sure nobody was following and then quickly pulled out his dick and began sucking it. He came in a couple of minutes and we still had time for coffee before he had to get on the plane.
Q: You have an exhibitionist streak. What about in the bedroom?
A: I mentioned I don't like missionary with a lover. Generally I like to be on top, but part of the fascination of having a lover who is willing to try anything is to do just that. My husband and I never 69ed, but that is something I like with a lover I am familiar with. I love oral sex, although early on with a lover I make him keep his rubber on. I use those flavored ones. I love dressing up for a lover, but only with lingerie I've first tried on for my husband. Toys can be exciting. And a special kick is masturbating in front of a lover, or having him masturbate for me. That's hot, very intense. And at a later date, when we are having phone sex, I can visualize how he looks when he is doing himself because I have already seem him doing that in person.
Q: You mentioned your concern about being detected, and how you are very careful. You've also mentioned how most of your rendezvous have been good experiences. Do you have any regrets? Do you feel good about yourself?
A: Regrets? On one hand, I wish I could satisfy my needs at home, because then I wouldn't have to go to such lengths to avoid detection. But on the other hand, part of the mystique of all this is the danger. I mean, if I was caught giving head to my husband in the car, so what? We're married. But to be doing it to a married guy, in a semi-open and visible location is so very bad. And so very exciting.
If I had never cheated I would never had experienced some great encounters. And yes, it does a lot for my self-image that I can attract and satisfy a variety of men. It's hard at times, though, because I can get to feel very guilty about myself, especially on a night when I am returning from a night "with my girlfriends" when actually I was sucking cock. If my husband is home I get this guilty, terrible feeling. I normally attempt to make love to him on nights like that. But usually he just turns over and says he's too tired or something. I will lay there in bed wishing it could be different.
Q: But you still love him?
A: Oh yes. I love him.
Q: Any final thoughts?
A: If a woman asked me if she shouldwell, stray, I would say for her to think long and hard about it, about the consequences, before she did. While it has been good for me, I don't know if some people can handle the emotional baggage. Cheating is very difficult on one's mind.
When push comes to shove, I would tell them to work on their marriage and make it better.
If one does stray down the other path, she must not go overboard on giving hubby attention, because that's a telltale sign of something being amiss. You have to be aware of what you are saying all the time, you have to be in control at all times as not to let something slip out. That in itself can be exhausting. No receipts, no love notes, no late night phone calls when you are lonely. You can't do anything that will draw suspicion, and you have to know when to "cool it" so as not to draw attention to your exploits.
Be careful, be safe, and be smart is the moral of this story if you are going to stray in your marriage. It can be painful, not only if you are found out but also mentally even if you are not.