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Reflections on the new moon
Reflections on the new moon
Well...I have been recruited....to be the "west" side tonight as three friends and myself all go out to wish on the new moon.....am told there is strength when in numbers doing this....so we all go out at the same time....though far apart. I will be joining Dazed, IMpish and Safira in this journey.
There are so many things to wish for....some trivial....some deep. Some with only meaning to myself. I sit here now and think about what I truly want...what matters to me. I think back on where I have been...and about the many paths I have travelled down.
LIfe has taken me down many paths. Starting with being the youngest of 5....and I really mean youngest....my brothers were 8 and 10 years older than me, my sister 13 years, and my half brother almost 20 years older. That was an experience all into itself.
At the young age of 15....before I even had begun to realize what life was all about....my father committed suicide...and I went through a period of anger...of sadness....of trials and trying to sprout wings...all while being hugely depended upon by my mother for companionship. Is it any wonder I married at the age of 19...to the first and only boy I had dated and fallen in love with?
By 21....we had started a family, and the second child came along at age 24. We were married 22 years....during which we both grew up....and grew into two very different people. Remember...this all happened in the 70's and 80's....a trying time in itself. We were separated when my son was a senior in high school....daughter a freshman....now a single mom of two teenagers....alone by myself for the first time ever in my life.....what a frightening time.
While trying to get used to living alone and functioning alone....my mother became very ill...and I began the 9 month challenge of being her medical expertise and overseeing her care, making sure my stepfather was seeing to her needs.
After being the one to find my father after his suicide, is it any wonder why I was chosen to be the one to be at my mother's side when she took her last breath. Sad yes....I'd lost my best friend....but so thankful to have been there....and to have shared in her very full and wonderful life.
Since then....another relationship that went into marriage....but was not a healthy relationship with infidelity...verbal and emotional abuse.
That ended 6 years ago. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years....again not one that was totally healthy.
The last two years have been like an awakening for me. I have done things and discovered things that I never had before. I have self confidence for the first time in my life....and know finally that I truly am a very kind, warm wonderful person.
So now that I have taken myself back down those paths....where do I want to go from here?
4/27/2006 8:40 pm
My life is every color of the rainbow with you in it ... my soul feels you deep in my heart ... You are so very beautiful to me, my dearest friend, in every conceivable way. Thank God we're around for each other, to share these madcap adventures! *massive hugs* |
This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?
4/27/2006 8:47 pm
Southside checking in...what a beautiful moment we shared...and what a beautiful soul you are. Thanks for lifting us all up here Ms.Pat.|
I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn