Frnds4Play 53M/63F
2686 posts
7/1/2006 9:26 pm

Last Read:
7/7/2006 8:16 am


I keep remembering memories of days gone bye, things I pushed down into my very soul, so I wouldn't have to remember.

Some our about my mother and others about my husband.

I am trying to come to terms about the reasons I do certain things. The why's of them.

I have an ongoing reason for doing things, something I have done all my life or as far back as I can remember and that is:

Too push people out of my life that get to close. The fear is if I open myself up totally then the person or persons will leave me, so instead of that I come up with "things", "actions" that will push them to leave me.

That is what I have always done up until a couple of years ago. Now I try and face the "thing" that sets that into motion.

Maybe I should write the journey all down in a blog, but I have been hesitent (sp) to do that, since it really makes my look looney tunes. Crazy. Way off center.

Both my mother and my husband did major damage to my inner self and trying to get past that damage is an awesome undertaking.

And all of this is not making any sense, but I will leave it in and go ahead and post this blog.

I am in a strange mood tonight. One of the downsides to remembering is then having to deal with that memory, which I am doing right now.

Sorry folks for this strange blog.

Take care


rm_Now_N_Zen 54M
82 posts
7/6/2006 10:56 pm

I like to think that I have conquered my bad memories and celebrate my good ones!
Everything that happens and everyone that comes into your life changes you in some way. The best we can hope for is that the positive experiences and energies surpass the negative.
The memories I have of painful things from long ago are held because they have helped to make me who I am today and to remind me of how I arrived here. I do not try to push them away but I do not dwell on them.
Understanding the why of our own actions is not as easy as it sounds and I congratulate you for discovering what causes you to do the things you want to change!
Dealing with memories can be draining.
Don't let them consume your thoughts, acknowledge them and retire them until you feel the need to look back again...

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