What happened today.....  

Fox4aKnight1 43F
1176 posts
12/10/2005 6:32 pm

Last Read:
8/6/2006 10:43 am

What happened today.....

I decided to get out of the house and so I called up my family to see if they were ready for some decerations ro be pulled out and put up. I have to lose my mind along with them this year as they are hosting the family from all over christmas dinner. We have to go light on the decorations due to the fact that parents are expecting something like 17 people over for Christmas eve dinner. I hope it goes well.....as wee are hosting my Aunt from up in Canada and her two mid teen daughters and her hubby as well. luckily since we are all so darn broke this year we are not required to exchange presents with everyone ....the cousins with the cousinsand that older folks withtheir set. I just hope that it all works out. I can forsee the confusion that is going to be happening already that night. All the baking cooking and preparing that is going to be going on will be insane as well. And anyone that smokes is gonna be left out in the clod literly I know cause most of the cousin are either allergic or something like allergic to smoke. So I am Mom will be going outside alot which will be a bit of a pain but *shrug* would have to do that for my brother anyhow. In anycase all furniture will have to be rearanged and so on. It ought to be diffrent, we have NEVER have that many ppl over at one time. Especially for a sit down dinner. So I also wrapped pressents and told my Mom who is a techno illit. what kinda Digi camera to get for my dad. I also ate good while I was over ther which was all dang day and at and watched some movies while there and wrapping pressents....I hope family forgives the badly wraped ones ....I really got into the movies then and they look a little funny(the presents I mean) lol. Spoke to a few people who live nearby on the phone and had a good convo with one of them. In anycase I had a good ddday all around even if I didn't go out this weekend so far. I am planning to do more of the same tomorrow and cill out some more and see if I can get out of the house again. hugs and ttyl
*soft smile*

RonnyATL 65M

12/11/2005 4:25 am

I enjoy reading your blog, dear. Alot. Now lets talk about the holidays. Remember when we were little and we got all excited about Christmas and the gifts and all the things that went with it? Then we grew up and we lost the excitement, the thrill. I think when we were small we were filled with wonder and dreams and there was no limit to our imagination. As we got older we became more cynical, we had a reality check. We grew up and realized there was no majic left in us.

We get sad when we think about how we used to get excited at this time of year, and we also get sad when we realize we lost the majic that was once inside of us. Add all that to a house full of totally neurotic relatives and you've got a bomb ready to explode. LOL We try to get the majic back, but we just can't seem to find it. It's like when you walk outside the movie theater after seeing a good movie. It's that small feeling of sadness we all feel as we walk out that "exit" door. The small feeling of sadness of leaving behind that hour and a half of make-believe and going back into the reality of real life.

Then some people also have another demon to battle along with the usual holiday blues. That demon is something inside of us where our wiring is just not right, where something is just not connected right. They have names for it. Manic Depression. Clinical Depression. Put that as the icing on the cake of the holidays and you have a ready-made case of the git-down blues.

What's funny is, most people think they can fix it. They can't. They need to realize they can't. Because it's not about them, it's not about anyone. There's nothing they can do or say to fix it. They didn't do it, so they can't correct it. It's just something inside you, that wiring gone bad, that makes us spiral down into a bad depression. What's frustrating is when someone things they have just the right thing that will make it better. They think they know what you need. Well they don't. They need to just accept they are as powerless to fix it as they were as powerless to make it that way in us.

It's hard for someone to see what goes on in your mind this time of year if they are not suffering from some form of depression. They have no idea. They can try to imagine, they can sympathize, but that's the closest they can come. Just as I can sympathize the pain of childbirth, I have no earthly idea what it feels like.

To the other people who are full of joy this time of year, everything is rosy. To the people with depression, it isn't.

To the people who do not suffer from depression, please do one thing... don't try to fix it. You can't. Just allow the person to feel what they are feeling without asking them to pretend everything is peachy. That's asking them to fake it, asking them to deny what they really feel. That's asking them to hide their real feelings, which only makes it worse.

They will get through it, just give them a little space to be themself, not what you want them to be.

Love ya Fox4

Fox4aKnight1 43F

12/11/2005 6:56 am


I agree. There often is no ryhme or reason to being depressed and if can be really fustrating to try and "explain" that to people that do not experince. I have for the most part just told people that when they ask if I am sad that I have a case of the depression and then drop it. I act/smile for their benifit till they are gone and then just go back to being me.

I honestly wish sometimes that I could "get over" as others say. Only thing that has ever worked to "help" even just a little is doing things often for other people. I have been told (by the powers that be) that this is considered a people pleasing gesture, but if whatever it is that I do that pleases others also makes me smile and harms none else then what true damamge am I doing? I still have my rules and my own "self" which I won't comprimise and that is themost important thing to realize.

Here is something else that alot of depressives do not really talk about. The complications that seem to make things harder for us. I know that if I am in physical pain that the urge to crawl into a deep dark hole and disappear is sometimes ovewealming.

Women are 2 times more likely to have depression than man and admit they have it. Part of that reason is the hormonal shifts in females makes us have what most people term "PMS" . Our bodies being in moderate to severe pain during our cycles. TThis can send a woman who is normally very esweet and nice into alot of pain and cause "bitchyness".

With woman who have depression and are at the time of their cycle it can be extremely painful physically and emotionally a drain and tempers that were short become explosive or self destructive.

Ronny I thank you for talking to me and letting me know you understand . It helps to know that tthere is someone out there who does have a generalidea of how I feel aroud the holidays. Just pray I get thru these with as little verbal bloodshed as possible, cause Ihappen to like several of my relatives. But I am PMSing right now and add to that we will be overcrowded there. I will be taking precations of only staying long enough to eat dinner and so o. But as soon as I start getting irritated I am gonna go home. Even ifthat means leaving in the middle of dinner rude as that is. My family is understanding enough that they know that sometimes I just can't handle the stress. Not to mention I haven't seen some of these relatives by choice rather then ability.

LOL My mom was talking bout coming over to and staying with me while the resatives are in town ....and if that wouldn't drive me bonkers I would let her. Just because I know how little she enjoys these people as well. *sigh*oh well back into the Fray........and the deorating which is the onlything that is making me smile about this whole mess. I do love that. I might not enjoy most of the rest of things ....but the decorating is always fun. (so far)

Love ya Ronny,

shyknight2005 42M
163 posts
12/11/2005 5:14 pm

Hey m'luv...thanx for understanding what I am going thru atm and your thoughts...and hope your holidays turn out well...maybe call in sick for the xmas eve dinner and just have good fam/friends to spend xmas day with...remember, at worst, the holiday is just another day. And you can always cheer up and party hard on New Years lol
TC milady

Fox4aKnight1 43F

12/11/2005 5:57 pm

Hugs luv and I hear you. I am going to go to the dinner, as it is only an hour or so long and it isn't fair to make my poor mother soulder the burdun all by herself. *soft kisses* and thanks luv, KO

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