Go getters .....go get them...  

Fox4aKnight1 43F
1176 posts
1/28/2006 6:54 pm

Last Read:
8/6/2006 11:34 am

Go getters .....go get them...

This is one post that will rmable all over the place.
But these things seem to float through my mind.

I just got out of the shower and after drying my hair I got on cam and put on my glasses to start composing this post. I have been bouncing all around the blogs today to just see what is the latest and see just who all has been talking whle I slept. I noted a small trend. Very small. Actually only two people stood out they both had opposing views on emails and winks. both however had the same thing or close to the same thing on their profiles..."not looking" One said he knew that he said he wasn't lookig but 'cmon ladies .......nothing. ....and the other got the oppisite reaction when he had put up there he wass no longer looking and was complaining about the winks and email upsurge. He did not understand why all the sudden he was "off the market" that the women finally felt the need to contact him in one form or another.

Something that I guess is bothing me about this is that I have found many men on this site attractive. But if we don't match by either the checkmarks or something (whatever it may be) I decline to do anything. And lately that has become even more so. I am watching my words and so on. I have enterely pretty much quit being on messenger and or saying my mind about anything anywhere in the blogs. I have foud that I do not trust any longer. I hav no clue if a man is married. And sometimes even that does not matter. I use to when I first came to this site step back (figuritively speaking) when another woman spoke to a guy in chat that I was speaking to. I was and still am at heart a painfully shy person.

Being shy has made it difficult for me to reach out to people when I have most needed help. It also does not allow me to makethe first move either. I am envious of my more forward sisters that know both sexually and emotionaly just where they stand. And I look on with a wistful look as they get ahold of men that I would enjoy spending time with. I have become even more catious of late due to the fact that not knowing who is with who and the various currents going on both in blog and chat. I have gone from shy to near hermit like status. I have not gone out on a date in many months due to my increasing confusion and lost direction.

Right now dear reader .....you are the first one to see and hear my thoughts. I sit here on cam as I write this. And I wonder just why anyone would watch someone typing away. Very few will stay very long this is a Saterday night after all. Getting back to the main post. I have become increasingly sad and withdrawn. And I had a rather bad depresion the begining of this week. I have had almost nothing but somber and serious posts since then. I am fighting daily headaches and feeling very alone everyday.
Random Thoughts
I think that I am going to pull back from chatting even more as it is simply a way to keep myself busy. I will just have to get out my glasses and go back to sewing and reading paperbacks and so on. I know that alot of people seem to think that I am a sweet person. And sometimes I am. I also give up very easily. Or I feel like giving up very easily. I see the one girl that use to be my friend coming by to see my blog. And she has never said anything to me. I keep waiting for her to goat and be happy that I am as unhappy as she could make me. Or help me make myself. I know that this is not her fault mostly. I have my feelings and so on, she is not responsible for how I feel ...she can't make me do anything. But she helped.

I hate to think that I am that human

I have become of the last few months very bitter and cynical. Or I belive those are the words that are right. Every new em,ail from a guy is veiwed with suspision and worry. I have partly turned down alot of dates due to my suspion. I no longer talk to friends on IM ....except occasionally. I hope that that girl is happy .......

enough.....before I truely say what I think and it gets to depression again. I will perhaps talk to everyone later.

Cowboy_Deluxe 38M

1/29/2006 9:47 am

Yeah I have seen a lot of blogs about who is who? Really?
(shaking my head) I have found that no matter if the person is real or not..or whatever..you learn about them through their blogs, and comments, there should always be some type of consistency..thats what I look for.

Fox4aKnight1 43F

1/29/2006 3:26 pm

I hear ya Cowboy. I wonder if its consistenly inconsistent they consider?

Fox4aKnight1 43F

1/29/2006 4:53 pm

amannotachild, okies what is the color of a hic-cup?

gussax 51M

1/30/2006 4:27 am

I'm new to the blogs, and have found it to be an excellent outlet for me. I have a worse case of the shyness then you do. I do not date strictly because of shyness. People who know me are pretty much surprised that I do not date. I was 34 when I lost my virginity strictly because of shyness. When I was 26 I worked with a gal that was 19, and rather on the loose side. We became friends and would joke with each other at work. She knew I was a virgin. One day she invited me over to her place to play cards. Jokingly she said "you know we are going to play strip poker right?". When I got to her place we were alone and started to play cards (rummy I think). Through the chit chat the conversation came around to life in general and she told me a needed to live more, and she asked me "isn't there anything you haven't done that you'd like to try". I knew at the time that she was setting herself up to proposition me. I strongly desired her, and felt she desired me also. I knew that if I wanted her all I had to do was say that I would like to experience sex and she was going to give it to me. I was too she and said something that I was pretty content with life and would have no regrets if I were to die today. This was a hot, young, single gal who was practically throwing herself at me, and I was too shy even after she had made the first move. So please don't talk to me about shyness. If you've gone out on a date in the last year, your doing allright by my standards. My exgirlfriend broke off with me about 6 years ago (although she had still given me booty calls when she was between boyfriends up until about 2 1/2 years ago). I have not been on a date with any other woman since we broke up.

I do symphathis with you though, the same envy that you feel toward agressive women, I also feel toward agressive men.

gussax 51M

1/30/2006 4:32 am

I forgot one comment. About the checkmarks. Don't even look at them. There are just guidlines. Be more open to various types of people. I've found women attractive who only match half of my "criteria". Smoking, drinking, distance, age, race, body type, etc. are pretty much not of too much important to me if we connect and are looking for same things in life.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
1/30/2006 8:43 am

Only you can change how you interact w/ others. Have you read any selfhelp books? There a great motivational books out there that can help you interact with others.

Fox4aKnight1 43F

1/30/2006 1:50 pm

ass this is true, however I am not shy in the case of not talking to people but in the case of what I really want for myself.

Fox4aKnight1 43F

1/30/2006 2:21 pm

Its a difrent type of shyness hun.........although I belive you are correct in that you are way more shy than I am. I also have a friend living in Cali that use to be really shy....alot like you as a matter of fact. I and another friend have helped him (so he claisms) to open up enough to be able to date. He has had one gf in his life, and well to be honet hun that is not a bad thing really. I am sorry that I only have this poor medium (poor for me) to express what I want. I have recently stumbled across another guys blog that was lamenting the fact the interface uses too many filters. In other words that we cannot truely allow others to see/feel/hear what we do without some sort of filter such as words or actions of some sort.

Okies I am getting off track even for me.

Fox4aKnight1 43F

2/27/2006 2:39 am

guss chckmarks are a major point of mine btw ....

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