Another Inbox goodie, this time from a friend  

Fox4aKnight1 43F
1176 posts
12/18/2005 4:58 pm

Last Read:
8/6/2006 10:44 am

Another Inbox goodie, this time from a friend


Y'all may have seen these before and if tht is the case sorry but I happen to love it LOL....

THESE ARE FROM A BOOK CALLED "DISORDER IN THE AMERICAN
COURTS", AND ARE THINGS PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAID IN COURT,
WORD FOR WORD, TAKEN DOWN AND NOW PUBLISHED BY COURT
REPORTERS WHO HAD THE TORMENT OF STAYING CALM WHILE THESE
EXCHANGES WERE ACTUALLY TAKING PLACE.

ATTORNEY: ARE YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

WITNESS: NO, I JUST LIE THERE.
________________________

ATTORNEY: WHAT IS YOUR DATE OF BIRTH?

WITNESS: JULY 18TH.

ATTORNEY: WHAT YEAR?

WITNESS: EVERY YEAR.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: WHAT GEAR WERE YOU IN AT THE MOMENT OF THE IMPACT?

WITNESS: GUCCI SWEATS AND REEBOKS.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: THIS MYASTHENIA GRAVIS, DOES IT AFFECT YOUR
MEMORY AT ALL?


WITNESS: YES.

ATTORNEY: AND IN WHAT WAYS DOES IT AFFECT YOUR MEMORY?

WITNESS: I FORGET.

ATTORNEY: YOU FORGET? CAN YOU GIVE US AN EXAMPLE OF
SOMETHING YOU FORGOT?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: HOW OLD IS YOUR SON, THE ONE LIVING WITH YOU?

WITNESS: THIRTY-EIGHT OR THIRTY-FIVE, I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHICH.


ATTORNEY: HOW LONG HAS HE LIVED WITH YOU?

WITNESS: FORTY-FIVE YEARS.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOUR HUSBAND SAID TO
YOU THAT MORNING?


WITNESS: HE SAID, "WHERE AM I, CATHY?"

ATTORNEY: AND WHY DID THAT UPSET YOU?

WITNESS: MY NAME IS SUSAN.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR DAUGHTER HAS EVER BEEN
INVOLVED IN VOODOO?


WITNESS: WE BOTH DO.

ATTORNEY: VOODOO?

WITNESS: WE DO.

ATTORNEY: YOU DO?

WITNESS: YES, VOODOO.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: NOW DOCTOR, ISN'T IT TRUE THAT WHEN A PERSON
DIES IN HIS SLEEP, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL THE
NEXT MORNING?


WITNESS: DID YOU ACTUALLY PASS THE BAR EXAM?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: THE YOUNGEST SON, THE TWENTY-YEAR-OLD, HOW OLD
IS HE?


WITNESS: UH, HE'S TWENTY-ONE.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: WERE YOU PRESENT WHEN YOUR PICTURE WAS TAKEN?

WITNESS: WOULD YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: SO THE DATE OF CONCEPTION (OF THE BABY) WAS
AUGUST 8TH?


WITNESS: YES.

ATTORNEY: AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THAT TIME?

WITNESS: UH....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: SHE HAD THREE CHILDREN, RIGHT?

WITNESS: YES.

ATTORNEY: HOW MANY WERE BOYS?

WITNESS: NONE.

ATTORNEY: WERE THERE ANY GIRLS?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: HOW WAS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE TERMINATED?

WITNESS: BY DEATH.

ATTORNEY: AND BY WHOSE DEATH WAS IT TERMINATED?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE INDIVIDUAL?

WITNESS: HE WAS ABOUT MEDIUM HEIGHT AND HAD A BEARD.

ATTORNEY: WAS THIS A MALE OR A FEMALE?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: IS YOUR APPEARANCE HERE THIS MORNING PURSUANT TO
A DEPOSITION NOTICE WHICH I SENT TO YOUR ATTORNEY?


WITNESS: NO, THIS IS HOW I DRESS WHEN I GO TO WORK.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: DOCTOR, HOW MANY OF YOUR AUTOPSIES HAVE YOU
PERFORMED ON DEAD PEOPLE?


WITNESS: ALL MY AUTOPSIES ARE PERFORMED ON DEAD PEOPLE.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL YOUR RESPONSES MUST BE ORAL, OK?

WHAT SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?


WITNESS: ORAL.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: DO YOU RECALL THE TIME THAT YOU EXAMINED THE
BODY?


WITNESS: THE AUTOPSY STARTED AROUND 8:30 P.M.

ATTORNEY: AND MR. DENTON WAS DEAD AT THE TIME?

WITNESS: NO, HE WAS SITTING ON THE TABLE WONDERING WHY I
WAS DOING AN AUTOPSY ON HIM!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ARE YOU QUALIFIED TO GIVE A URINE SAMPLE?

WITNESS: HUH?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: DOCTOR, BEFORE YOU PERFORMED THE AUTOPSY, DID
YOU CHECK FOR PULSE?


WITNESS: NO.

ATTORNEY: DID YOU CHECK FOR BLOOD PRESSURE?

WITNESS: NO.

ATTORNEY DID YOU CHECK FOR BREATHING?

WITNESS: NO.

ATTORNEY: SO, THEN IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE PATIENT WAS
ALIVE WHEN YOU BEGAN THE AUTOPSY?


WITNESS: NO.

ATTORNEY: HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE, DOCTOR?

WITNESS: BECAUSE HIS BRAIN WAS SITTING ON MY DESK IN A JAR.

ATTORNEY: BUT COULD THE PATIENT HAVE STILL BEEN ALIVE,
NEVERTHELESS?


WITNESS: YES, IT IS POSSIBLE THAT HE COULD HAVE BEEN ALIVE
AND PRACTICING LAW.


wombat_ 48M

12/19/2005 2:02 am

Foxy...thanks you! I have seen varients of these before but needed a "pick me up" and was laughing at many of these. Very funny indeed. Must hunt down that book!

Having just briefed a barrister for a current writ I received at work this fills me with extreme confidence about the whole legal fraturnity.

Wombat_

wombat_


Fox4aKnight1 43F

12/19/2005 8:34 am

    Quoting wombat_:
    Foxy...thanks you! I have seen varients of these before but needed a "pick me up" and was laughing at many of these. Very funny indeed. Must hunt down that book!

    Having just briefed a barrister for a current writ I received at work this fills me with extreme confidence about the whole legal fraturnity.

    Wombat_

    wombat_
LOL Wombat,

I was talking to an ex lawyer last night and he has read the book apparently. LOL we had each other laffing from the silliness of the legal profesion last night. *grinz* Glad I could give you a laugh.

Foxy


goldri452 64M

12/19/2005 1:51 pm

Really enjoyed this. I had seen some but got a kick out of the whole thing anyway. My wife works for an attorney and most of the time I hear wacky client stories. Thanks. BTW, if you are in caressmewell's location then you are near to me as well.


Fox4aKnight1 43F

12/19/2005 2:37 pm

    Quoting goldri452:
    Really enjoyed this. I had seen some but got a kick out of the whole thing anyway. My wife works for an attorney and most of the time I hear wacky client stories. Thanks. BTW, if you are in caressmewell's location then you are near to me as well.
Hi Gold,

Nice to meet you and any jokes and so on you feel like sharing hun be my guest
hugs
Foxy

P.S. i will give you a look see hee in a bit.


sleeplessknight1 68M

12/24/2005 12:40 pm

ty needed a laugh..........


Fox4aKnight1 43F

12/24/2005 2:28 pm

glad you liked sweetie hugs and anytime I can just let me know


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