First Message- Rejection or Making a Connection  

SleekIcilyVarix 41M
1024 posts
6/10/2006 9:52 am
First Message- Rejection or Making a Connection


How To Get More Bang For Your Buck


Why bother reading this?

There are ten men seeking women for every woman seeking a man on this site. 10 to 1. 10:1. This ratio does not take into account an abundance of fake profiles, which means the actual ratio is even higher. If the woman you'd like to meet has an enticing photo in her profile, the number of other guys trying to get into her pants just doubled (at least).

Winks aren't getting you anywhere, and the chat rooms aren't doing the trick. So you've gone ahead and paid for a silver or gold membership, giving you the most important tool for meeting the women: The ability to send mail messages.

If you want to be the one she notices above the rest, the one she WANTS to meet, if you want more women to respond with interest, no matter how much of a sculpted stud you are, your response rate will increase if you read and follow these simple guidelines for initial contact.

Meeting women here is a process. For the majority of women here, it's going to take more than one short message to get them to meet you. IF you manage to spark her interest with your first message, you're going to have to exchange more emails, trade Instant Messaging handles, talk, get to know her, let her get to know you, and see where things go from there. If you expect to get in her pants with one message, then you're going to be facing a good deal of disappointment. Even the women who are just looking for no-strings-attached sex tend to want to know there's a decent personality attached to the penis before agreeing to meet it.

The First Message: Making a Connection or Finding Rejection?


Your first message to her COULD set you on the path towards meeting in person, getting laid, or starting a relationship and getting laid (yes, some of the women here are looking for more than just sex). If it's not done right, you will either get no response at all or you'll get a response that says, "No thanks. Not interested." You get ONE shot at sparking her interest. This is not baseball. One strike, and you're out.

Step 1: Read her profile. No, I mean READ her profile.

The NUMBER ONE reason for failure: He didn't bother to read my profile!

The quickest road to failure is not reading and respecting what is written in her profile.

By reading her profile, you can:

1) Prevent yourself from wasting your time, and hers.
2) Learn something that will help you spark her interest when you contact her.

Regardless of hot she is, It's time to move on to the next profile when:

Her profile says that she's looking for WOMEN or Couples, and you are not a woman or part of a couple.
Her profile says "I'm just here to blog." She's here to write and share her thoughts on her blog, NOT to hook up.
Her profile says "I'm not interested in married guys" and you are married.
Her profile mentions her preferred age range, and you are too young or too old to fit into it. If you think being close will make a difference, you're mistaken.
Her profile says that she's looking for a relationship, and all you want is sex.
Her profile says that she's likes tall guys, and you're not tall.
Her profile says that she's looking for someone local, and you aren't in the same location. Even if you're willing to travel, she's not interested.
Her profile says that she wants black guys, and you are not black.
Her profile says that she wants a huge cock, and your pecker isn't huge.
Her profile says she wants someone athletic, and that's not you.
Her profile says she only wants to meet a Scorpio or a Gemini, and you're a Libra.

There's no sense in wasting your time.
Your time will be much better served by contacting women who want the same thing you do and whose requirements you meet with a quality message, which takes some thought, effort, and time.

NOTE: If she has a blog, have a look. Read her recent posts, then leave a comment. You'll learn more about her, and if your comment is relevant, humorous, or interesting to her, you just increased the chances that she'll want to get to know you better, UNLESS it says in her profile that she's ONLY here to blog. Check it out anyway, but don't expect her to want to hook up, and don't ask her to.

Step 2: The Message

I'm not going to tell you what to write, but if you follow these guidelines, your chances of getting a positive response will go up.

First, What NOT to do:

The STRIKEOUTS...these guys did NOT get a positive response.

Strikeout #1
Sender: XXXX
how are you
I like your profile, my pleasure to take care of you and make you happy, look sweet, I am an honest man who consider woman like a pearl, diamond .I am so hot and a sensual man am so hot man and have a big one,I love to suck all your body especially your lovely breast ,, if u like to feel flying in the heaven ,plz contact me nowHave a great time .

Strikeout #2
Sender: XXXX
"You Jane. Me like you. Me strong and make love long time. Me smart and cute. Please you long time. We make jungle love. Me funny too. Just see me profile! Tarzan leaving jungle of Montana and travel to Dallas. Tarzan want to meet you Jane and make wild jungle love in jungle of Dallas. Tarzan will swing down there June 26-28. Jane want Tarzan?"

Strikeout #3
Sender: XXXX
You are spectacular. My god, your derriere is prefect. I am older than 30 and a man of means with free time to share. I would be honored to hear from or talk to you...my E-mail is: xxxxxxx and my cell is: xxxxxxxx.

Strikeouts #4-#6
Sender: XXXX
I would love to fuck the shit out of you!

Are you looking for a sex partner? Try me you won’t be sorry!

I was looking through your profile and I am intrested in your hott body.

Most of the women here have seen these messages or variations of them a million times before. She didn't respond to them before, and she won't respond to yours, either.

*These are REAL examples from REAL women on this site sharing messages they got that DID NOT WORK, did not spark their interest, and did not warrant a positive response. THESE MESSAGES DID NOT LEAD TO GETTING LAID.

If you saw a hot woman in a bar, you wouldn't walk up to her, whip your dick out of your pants, and ask her if she wants to fuck. You'd likely a)get slapped silly, and b) get thrown out of the bar.
Just because she's single and apparently looking to hook up, does NOT mean a simple "You're hot, let's fuck" is going to get you into her pants. THE SAME THING HOLDS TRUE ON THIS SITE.

DO NOT:

1) Send a message where you showcase your inability to spell. If you're not good at spelling, write it in a word processor first, run spell check, then copy and paste it.
2) Make the whole message about how great you are.
3) Make the whole message about sex
4) Ask for sex. The words "wanna fuck" are the two words least likely to get you laid.
5) Send a message that is 3 lines or less.
6) Include contact information in your first message. If she responds with interest, you can include contact information later. Note: This will also help keep you from getting emails from fake profiles that will direct you to porn sites and more time alone with your hand.
7) Make a form letter and send it out to every woman you think is hot. Most of them know a generic message when they see one, and they tend not to bother responding.
8 ) Try to convince her to bend or change her requirements to include you if you don't happen to meet them. She wants what she wants. If it's not you, there are other women on this site. Move on to the next profile.
9) Lie about what you're looking for just to get into her pants. If what she reads in your message doesn't match what you have in your profile, she won't give you the time of day.
10) EMAIL IN ALL CAPS

*The Subject/Intro Line: Do NOT just say "hi", "Hi there", "hey baby" (avoid "baby" altogether), "ain't you so sexy", "wanna fuck", "wow you're so hot", "mmmmmm", "are you interested?", a series of question marks, or just a smiley face or emoticon.
DO: Come up with something better, because the ones I just mentioned will not get her attention, intrigue her, or encourage her to open your mail when she's got 100+ other emails to open instead.

DO:

1) Start by introducing yourself. Hi, my name is (your name here). It's the Right Thing to Do when you "meet" someone new.

2) Tell her about yourself. Tell her about some of your interests outside of the bedroom. Tell her something that gives her a glimpse at your personality. Even women who are just looking for sex will want to know that the guy she might meet isn't an asshole and has more than one dimension.

3) Show you have a sense of humor. If you say something that makes her laugh, you upped your chances of getting a positive response.

4) Compliment her. Make your compliments specific, whether you are complimenting her on her looks or her profile. (If you say "I like your profile", tell her exactly what you liked.)

5) Show that you read her profile by responding to something in it. If you have common interests, point them out. "I'm also a (name of band) fan. I went to their concert and.."

6) Express interest in talking to her and getting to know her better.

7) Ask a question or two aimed at learning more about her (not about sex). Your questions can also be aimed at learning more about something she wrote in her profile.

Be creative, but not TOO creative (see Tarzan above).

9) If you talk about sex, don't overdo it. A little innuendo will get you further than several lines of describing what you'd love to do to her. Save that for later.

10) BE HONEST!

Note: Some women make use of the mail filter option. If you see that she does, make sure your message meets the criteria she chose, or your message goes straight to her trashcan.

This Guy Got a Date:

Dear (Name) - Well, you said you read all your emails. Guess we'll see. You ARE hot and I would like to get to know you better. Me -- I'm a pretty average guy. I'm tall, athletic, brown hair & eyes, and love the outdoors. I'm romantic and appreciate a beautiful woman. I live close to downtown Dallas and have a great view of the skyline. One of my fantasies is to make love on my roof top patio -- sound interesting? Check out my profile and if you see what you like, email me back. I would love to take you to dinner and get to know you -- you sound really fun.

Step 3: The Photo

Some women specifically ask for a picture of your cock in their profile. Some women specify that they only want to meet guys with huge dicks. If so, by all means, include a picture of your cock.

For Everyone Else: Send ONLY a photo of your FACE (or an upper body pic with your face included)

Here's why:
1. By the time she's gotten your message, she already has an inbox full of dick pics, or has deleted them.
2. They've seen penises before. They haven't seen your face.
3. Even if she's just looking for sex, she's going to want to see what you look like. If she responds positively to your first message and shows interest, you can send her a picture of your cock later on and strut your stuff.
4. If your penis and desire for sex are your only selling points, you're not going to score with most of the women here.
5. Why kill the mystery with your first message when you can do that with your second?

Step 4: Attach a copy of your profile, and send it.

DO NOT EXPECT AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE-Be patient.

And then....

There are now two possible outcomes:

1) She responded to your message with interest.

Take it from there and good luck!

2)Rejection happens.

Do Not take it personally.
Do Not keep sending messages if she hasn't responded.


Do Not lash out with your ego by sending a nasty message if she isn't interested.

Here's why:
1. Sending a nasty message won't get you laid. Why waste your time?
2. Sending a nasty message could get you reported for abuse and eventually banned.
3. IF you followed these guidelines when you wrote your message, and IF you take rejection gracefully, i.e. express hope that she finds what she's looking for even if it isn't you, she just might recommend you to a friend on here that she thinks might be a better match for you.
4. If you don't think they communicate with each other via chat, network, groups, and blogs, you're mistaken. Why work towards giving yourself a rotten reputation when you can do the opposite and improve your chances of getting laid?
5. If she has a blog, participates in groups, or in chat rooms, she can advertise what an asshole you are, and any women who read it will know not to touch you with a ten foot pole.


Remember your goal and do the things that actually have a chance of getting you there.


LINKS:

For more email examples of what to do and what NOT to do, and the negative reactions you get by not following these guidelines, check out this blog: rdy2try4

IF you manage to spark her interest, and want some great tips on how to proceed, go here: Using AFF to Get Great Sex Bipolybabe has one of the best collections of information and advice available here. Time spent reading these blogs is Time Well Spent.

~Fireslide

I'd like to thank those of you who provided input via my earlier post and the examples you provided.
Further examples (positive and strikeouts) are always welcome.
Special thanks to Rdy2try4 and Bipolybabe for letting me to link to their blogs.

Comments, criticism, witticism, and suggestions for improvement are both welcome and encouraged.

SleekIcilyVarix 41M

6/10/2006 11:13 am

One of the major and obvious problems here is: The guy bloggers here, by and large, aren't the ones in need of um, guidance. This won't help reduce the garbage levels in anyone's inbox or help too many guys unless it somehow manages to reach the eyes of those that need it.
So if any of you ladies want to add a link to this post to your auto-reply or in your rejection messages or otherwise direct them to it, feel free. This isn't a strategy for increasing traffic to my blog, as those who would most benefit from reading this aren't exactly the type of people I'm hoping to attract. If someone has a better way to "spread the clue", I'm all ears.


jadedbabe78 106F

6/10/2006 3:33 pm

No shit on reading the profile, REALLY reading it. I couldn't begin to count the emails I've gotten that said 'I loved your profile' followed by a 'we should hook up! when I specifically state in my profile that I don't live wherever my location happens to be stating on the pro, that I, in fact, live in New England.

*Shakes head*

So many clueless men. And the excuse I get when I've made similar posts..... 'Us men get sick of all the automated responses from the porn bots....so we just start sending the same email to any woman and hope one will respond!'

And then they wonder and bitch about how they're not getting laid.

Even after my pro remake to state that I'm here for blogging and friendship....I STILL get the 'wanna fuck' emails.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/11/2006 1:39 pm:
Thanks for your input, Jadey. I updated the DO NOTS to include the Form Letter hit and miss strategy. The ones that wonder and bitch about how they're not getting laid...lol..well, that's part of karma. People tend to get what they deserve...in their cases...more quality time alone with their hands. I also added something to the Do Not Ask For Sex concept that might clarify things for them.

rm_wetfingeraz 54F
3012 posts
6/10/2006 8:06 pm

THANK YOU!!! That was exactly right.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/11/2006 1:40 pm:
yw..

rm_wetfingeraz 54F
3012 posts
6/10/2006 8:09 pm

THANK YOU!!! That was exactly right.

One other thing that is an instant delete in my book is the "form letter"; that e-mail that is so generic you just know it went out to a hundred other profiles. I actually called a guy on it once, and his response was that he didn't want to waste his time reading fake profiles and responding to them, so he sent out a form letter and figured that whomever responded was "real". Yeah, there's a real compliment.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/11/2006 1:20 pm:
In response to your post (and Jadey's) I added the form letter fuckup to my DO NOT's list. Thanks for the input, wet!

rm_wetfingeraz 54F
3012 posts
6/10/2006 8:10 pm

Jaded, on the "wanna fuck" e-mails, I do the quick response, "I'm looking for somebody straight."


countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
6/11/2006 9:36 am

Finally! Someone gets it! All of the good ones are too far away!

~Country~


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/11/2006 1:47 pm:
Thanks country. I'm still working on my teleportation device to make the problem of distances disappear. Hope you find a good one in your area.

zebra_buggy 31F

6/12/2006 10:40 am

Hi, Fire.

Very informative. Funny, too! Nicely done!

Cheers!


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/12/2006 5:01 pm:
Hi Zebra Thanks!

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/13/2006 8:31 am

BRAVO!!!!!!!!! I have been trying to fight this fight myself dear. My blogs at ---> rdy2try4 are called Rdy's Info Blogs. They are four blogs dedicated to nothing BUT emails on here.

#1...Best emails... of course..the good emails we get showing there ARE real men on here with class.
#2...Lame,boring and just plain stupid...omg..the funniest of all the blogs. You have no clue the ignorance that abounds.
#3...A Polite No thank you can cause this...yep..this is the responses we have gotten to just saying no thank you.
#4...Unsolicited HATE emails...believe it or not there are people that just send out hate emails telling us off for *having* a profile with standards.

I truly hope you come and read my blogs also. Extensive but worth it. Number one on my list is the same as yours...READ THE PROFILES!! I get 50-75 emails a day cut down from around 200 before I changed my profile to read as harsh as it does. Why so harsh??? Even today I was told I was *demanding* all because I don't want to be used by a married man cheating, don't want to be a truck stop for out of state/country dicks (yes country...I had one as far away as Singapore some 9800 miles away). And lastly I don't want to have sex with my children or my father/grandfather. Now that is 3 things..but that is demanding....yeah you got it..most of them including him were NOT what I wanted.

Truly, saying *I read your profile and I loved it* is old hat and turns me off. 90% of them are the exact opposite i.e. that married or out of town guy. I usually write back saying "Oh you love it....the best part was no married men right?" lol Most just ignore me after that.

I can't tell you how many "if you onlys" I get. "If you only" did anal, did married men, tried letting me tie you up and beat the crap out of you (yes I did get that), and the newest one...if I only dressed in a more demure fashion i.e. a school marm I would get more men to look at me. hahahahahaha I blogged that one for sure. Folks..this is MY profile..not yours. In fact it says that. The first line is "I will know if you didn't read my profile." Do NOT send emails telling people how or what to put in their profiles so that it includes you. hahahaha This is about ME, not you. What "I" Like, not you. You write in your profile what you like..if we match..then hey!! It is just another form of email that will get you deleted.

I also agree with you, my number one purpose it seems....getting people to realize that the advertisement of "get laid in 24 hours" that AdultFriendFinder uses...is misleading and a lie!!! Not that it can't happen, but we are not all whores on here, desperate 40somethings that will have sex with anything that asks, nor so hot to trot that we do the closest penis to us. I do have control, I do not have sex with my neighbor just because he is there and has a penis. You ARE correct, even if you want *just sex*, most women want a connection or to know you are safe and NOT Ted Bundy.

Totally....wtg on this blog. I WILL use the link in my replies. lol Coming from a MAN, and you ARE a true man and not an asshole or dick (a big dick with a big dick is still just a big dick), I really truly appreciate THIS blog.

Rdy


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/13/2006 9:06 am:
Hi Rdy. Thanks for all the great input! I just updated the post to include some of your ideas. I look forward to reading your blog. #4...I don't think there's anything we can do to combat the unsolicited hate mail except maybe flood luvpump (our beloved ceo) with complaints. Assholes have this unfortunate tendancy to be themselves. All you can do is report them for abuse and hope enough others do the same so they get their asses banned from the site. Thanks again for stopping by and taking the time to comment and share your ideas. ~Fire

luvkitn21 33F

6/13/2006 11:58 am


Wonderful post. You really got this one right. I don't know how many emails a day I delete just because "wanna fuck" is the highlight of the email. I hope guys can read your blog, and figure out what actually works, and what women want from their emails. I honestly don't think that is so hard, now do you? lol


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/13/2006 2:00 pm:
Thanks luv I hope so too. You'd think it wouldn't be rocket science, but apparently it's harder than it looks for many, hence my post. Thanks for stopping by

redrobin012057 60F

6/13/2006 5:54 pm

Hi Fire, stopped by last night,and I just couldn't find the right words.But a really awesome post,and from a man too????Ya got ya head screwed on right, thats for sure.(Robin does like to be gentle when she says all these things)


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/14/2006 3:25 am:
lol...thanks Robin

haversack_smith 40M
6192 posts
6/14/2006 2:01 am

Well, great advice, well written, should be compulsory study for every man joining this site... and the people who need it will never read it, even if it's stapled underneath their noses.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/14/2006 3:27 am:
Thanks haversack. lol at stapled underneath their noses...well, I figure if just a handful of guys wind up reading it and learning something, then that will be a few less guys sending out garbage emails. I'm trying to stay optimistic in the face of adversity.

shylena256 42F
1967 posts
6/15/2006 8:34 am

I haven't read your profile but I liked it.
ME Jane you Tarzan, wanna hook up???

No but seriously Thank you.
I will be sending boatloads of folks here.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/15/2006 9:56 am:
lol..thanks Shy. I'm not into vine swinging but I do like grapes. And, yw.

hotblkchic 66F

6/15/2006 5:50 pm

Thank you Fireslide for posting this. Finally, a man who gets us!! Its so refreshing to know someone, who not only is young but also very intelligent and has learned what women really want. You rock!!


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/15/2006 6:38 pm:
Thanks hot I'm still learning but I do like to imagine I'm ahead of the curve. I didn't fully understand the scope of the problem until I kept seeing the same complaints popping up all over the place.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
6/17/2006 9:07 am

Something you left out. If the first email gets my (positive) attention, I might go check out the guy's profile. There are a bunch of potential land mines there. The email may say that he's looking for one thing (because he did read my profile) while his profile says something quite different. Honesty is important.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/17/2006 10:12 am:
Thanks for the input, kelli. I've updated the Do's and Don'ts to include what you've suggested. And you're absolutely right, honesty is key.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
6/17/2006 2:19 pm

I can't tell you how long I've been saying things like this. Although, the guy in Strike-Out Mail #2 would have gotten a response from me for being so amusing.

The sad part is, we can all keep writing entries like this, say these things in the advice lines, but the people who most need to read them never will. *sigh*


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/17/2006 3:43 pm:
lol...hmmm. I'll consider replacing #2. There are a million examples to choose from. I know just what you mean. I've emailed luvpump, our intrepid CEO, asking how I might get the message to the eyes that need it, but as of yet, no response. I know that many who need it would scoff at it even if they did, but I figure if one guy reads it, learns something, and changes his approach accordingly, it was worth writing. Unfortunately I do realize that a number higher than one is being awfully ambitious.

beamerbum2 55M
4793 posts
6/18/2006 4:04 pm

Damn Fire!
If every guy knows the secrets of how to communicate effectively with the women of AdultFriendFinder it's going to be a lot harder to stand out from the crowd!
You're giving away the secrets of the guild!
If you keep this up, I'm going to have to put out a contract on you....


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/18/2006 5:42 pm:
lol beamer..Don't worry too much...the sad truth is most of the guys who could most benefit from reading and learning from this won't see it, and some who see it won't get it and continue their foolishness. I'm hoping to impact a few. Also, I think there are still enough women on here that empowering your competition shouldn't really make it more difficult for ya. Assassination designs thwarted, I hope. Thanks for stopping by.

Pussy_Galore4eve 52F
47 posts
6/18/2006 4:06 pm

you are so right, us ladies do talk amongst ourselves. Some of us Memphis area ladies even maintain what we call "the loser" board off site, where we post interactions that we have had with some of the abusive types here, so someone else doesnt fall victim to their verbal abuse.

Thanks for this, but I fear the ones who truly need to read this, never will..Hell they dont even read our profiles, so I know they wont take the time to read this. But thank you for taking the time to write it nonetheless.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/18/2006 8:10 pm:
Hi Eve Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I think the off-site loser board is a great idea. Your welcome. And I know...telling the illiterate to read a profile is like telling the blind to "look over here!" But, there may be a small group of guys who, after experiencing continual failure with the lousy approach they had been using, decide to go ahead and give my ideas a shot. Or at least I'm trying to hope so.

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/18/2006 7:21 pm

I Must share this....THESE are the men that Fireslide NEEDS to reach. Believe it or not "I DID" send him a link to THIS blog. I kid you not, ALL men should be angry at assholes with this line of thinking...

EMAIL EXCERPT:

BluJazz3000

I will say though, as you surely know in your experienced wisdom,that all men, deep down, are pigs. I don't care how good or cool he is. Most men would swim a river of piss to get to a woman who was willing to have sex with him upstream. Even if they don't carry the act out, all men think about sex all day, every day; It's just the way we're wired. If women could see realtime films of our minds and what we think about everyday, there'd be an awful lot of single men in the world, because women wouldn't touch us with a ten-foot pole. We think about breeding non-stop. But I'm sure this is old news to you. (end of excerpt)

WTF kind of thinking is this to tell women that HE is a jerk and just live with it and then drag the ENTIRE male population in with him so HE can get laid???? I am sorry, but this is NOT they type of email to send to a woman hoping to get laid. And NO>>>>>NOT all men are THIS bad of an asshole.

I am awaiting his answer to see what he says about your blog Fireslide.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/18/2006 8:14 pm:
Perhaps I should add an animated ten foot pole to my post to slap him around a bit. The whole "all men are jerks so why not settle for me" approach is insulting to everyone. You prep the lobotomy lab and I'll get the tranquilizer darts.

hotandhorny107 58F

6/18/2006 10:32 pm

Perhaps this should go out to every man that joins here. Thanks for sending it...


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 10:00 am:
that would be nice...and yw

shylena256 42F
1967 posts
6/18/2006 11:47 pm

Requests permission to give a post-labotomy Forehead tattoo that reads "LOSER" Just for those who don't smell it coming when the guy slithers up.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 10:02 am:
Permission granted. I haven't patented the Derogatory Post-Lobotomy Forehead Tattoo, so feel free to ink as many as you see fit.

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/19/2006 6:58 am

<< votes Shy as the Post-Lobotomy Inker!!!


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 10:05 am:
All in favor? "Aye!!" The vote is unanimous. As Chairman of the Board I happily welcome Shylena as the Official Post-Lobotomy Inker.

aMasterPlumber 63M

6/19/2006 11:58 am

Hey Fire, I'm with Beamer ...what's wrong with you? Straightening those assholes out just adds to the competition. This only benefits the women! But then again you can teach a monkey to eat with a fork but he's still a monkey.
And alittle advice for you my friend... as far as your advice in this blog... Don't give it for free..charge those idiots, for as many of them as there is you could retire to Cancun a VERY VERY rich man. Oh n' btw.. Have a good day!


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 12:22 pm:
lol plumber...it's my belief that if you really know what you're doing, you can handle the competition. Your monkey metaphor is right on, another reason not to worry too much about competition. However, I think there are some guys out there who are capable of mending their ways, learning, and improving. It's those guys who will revise their strategy for meeting women and put a bit more thought into their emails. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered. One day I'll get a comment from a brave soul who will admit that he was misguided in his approach, read my blog, took the advice, and improved his rate of return and wound up meeting someone. At least I hope so. lol As far as charging them goes, you're right, they are plentiful, but most who need it are not likely to be sensible enough to realize they need to purchase the product. Also, I want to De-simian-ize as many as possible, and that will only happen as long as the Advice is Free. Have a good day yourself and thanks for stopping by.

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/19/2006 12:20 pm

aMasterPlumber....

What do you mean this only benefits the women?? FIRST, What is with SOME men that think that it has to be about THEM all the time or most of the time?? or included in everything or it isn't worth shit? Everytime some help is given it does NOT have to include the opposite sex be it male or female. HELP can be for ONE sex and not the other. Second, if you think about this..it BENEFITS you because the assholes that send this shit to women....WE LEAVE BECAUSE WE ARE SICK OF IT!!! Okay, don't tell the idiots how to behave properly, let them keep doing it. Then when you log in and all that is here is asshole men with the few good men wondering where all the women are...you will know. WE LEFT due to the influx of US being fed up and disgusted because of so many crap ass emails that we just didn't want to be here anymore.

If anything you are correct, you can tell them what to do, but that doesn't make the entire package *attractive* in the long run. You can write a fantastic email and get us to look at your profiles, but that doesn't mean we will get thet *connection* or *chemistry* that is needed so many times for us to actually meet. Don't short change yourself like that.

I suggest..for any and ALL men...be a woman on this site for ONE day!! Open a profile that is female and see the crap we put up with. You have NO CLUE how bad it gets in here. If you saw it, if you got an email box full of it, you MAY understand just how bad it is at times. I thank goodness there are men like Fireslide, Highpockets, MikeMix47, Nightstalker1972, and the ones like them that make the site enjoyable. I would not stay myself if there was not men like that here to keep me smiling.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 7:21 pm:
Rdy makes good points, as always. I'm tempted to do just that to see what comes along, but I think already have a pretty good idea, and there plenty of fake profiles out there already.

beamerbum2 55M
4793 posts
6/19/2006 5:12 pm

Hey rdy,
You're absolutely right about having guys open a female profile to experience first hand the crap the the ladies get. I didn't do that, but tripped on the next best thing. I recommended to a friend that she open a profile here. I even supplied the picture for her (one that I took of her).
It was last fall, but as I recall, she got something like 200 messages in the first 24 hours and over 600 the first week. She was so overwhelmed that she actually gave me her password so that I could help sort thru them all and boy was it an eye-opener for me. I learned a lot about what works and what doesn't.
Given that I was only weeding out the trash for her, I didn't delete any message that I thought she might want to respond to, but I ended up deleting 8 out of 10 that I looked at.
And I did pick up a few good lines...


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/19/2006 7:25 pm:
hey beamer, wow at 600 in one week. Geez. 8 out of 10...at least by your numbers, its sad that only 2 out of 10 guys know what they're doing here.

rm_jcle4eva 31F

6/19/2006 7:05 pm

that is absolutely excellent, the only line you missed was do not ask about chinese blackjack upon the initial contact *shakes head*

Thanks for the post hun, made me laugh

Jen


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/20/2006 6:03 am:
thanks jen Hmm. Maybe'll I'll add a bit to the Do Not's addressing bizarro fetishes

SleekIcilyVarix 41M

6/20/2006 4:03 pm

I recently deleted a few comments that were moving towards arguing an flaming and away from civil discussion.

Blog on.

~Fireslide


aMasterPlumber 63M

6/20/2006 10:28 pm

    Quoting SleekIcilyVarix:
    I recently deleted a few comments that were moving towards arguing an flaming and away from civil discussion.

    Blog on.

    ~Fireslide
Fire, I appreciate and thank you for that. I appologize to you for posting on your blog in a sarcastic joking manner. I wasn't thinking of the few that don't understand the sarcasim of my statment: "This only benefits the women!" I meant that with following your advice, these "men" would increase the "pool" in which the women pick from.
And in doing so lessens the chances that "you" will be picked BECAUSE of the increased number!!


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/21/2006 1:45 pm:
Thanks for the apology. Just realize that while sarcasm itself isn't a crime, expecting everyone who reads it to *appreciate it* is a mistake.
Increasing the number of thoughtful, interesting, respectful, and considerate emails that the women here get does nothing to lessen the probabilty of my own "success", which is the least of my concerns, for a variety of reasons. First, women here who are treated well and have more positive experiences are more likely to stay. Second, women here who have positive experiences will be more likely to suggest this site to their friends. Third, I'm simply comfortable enough with who I am not to worry about it. The only person who can have a true impact on my success is me, regardless of what the other guys here are doing.

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/21/2006 6:45 am

AMasterPlumer...

Trust me dear, "I" got the humor also. But being as I am a woman and I get the emails you don't get or see, I can totally tell you that many "MEN" may not have seen the humor in it. In fact I will repost the part of my answer where I *agreed* with you totally...

REPOST: If anything you are correct, you can tell them what to do, but that doesn't make the entire package *attractive* in the long run. You can write a fantastic email and get us to look at your profiles, but that doesn't mean we will get thet *connection* or *chemistry* that is needed so many times for us to actually meet. Don't short change yourself like that.

What I am telling you is...YOU DO NOT *DECREASE* your chances any more just because someone else learns how to write an appropriate email. As was said by another...I MAY go read your profile with that initial good email. But when I get to your profile and I see things like "s&m, b&d, anal, handcuffs" ect... I for one am not into that stuff. So I am going to immediately say "no thank you" anyways. The initial writing of an email does not again *guarantee* you will get anything although you have more than a chance of her reading your profile.

Trust me AMasterPlumber, and anyone else reading this, a connection or chemistry is not *made*, it just happens. When people that are *alike* see each other they click. I have had many MANY wonderful emails and took one look at the pic or the profile and said *oooh no* right then. It just is not going to happen. There is no one magic thing that can make a man or women suddenly become infatuated with you.

Please, don't worry so much about the competition. Don't worry so much about how many men are running the race with you. Worry about YOU, Yourself and how YOU feel. If you are confident and have self esteem...IT SHOWS!!! Intelligence, rather than as fireslide says in this, an agenda of which we CAN smell out (i.e. gotta score, get laid, gonna get me some...), intelligence is what many notice far more than a giant penis shoved into the screen.

Again, AmasterPlumber, I was NOT attacking you. I am sorry if you thought I was. I am sorry if you think I didn't get the joke. However, I would still post it because there are those amongst us that do NOT get it and it ends up in inboxes. I have stuff in my profile that is as stupid as "don't use the hair dryer while standing in the shower" because believe it or not there is some asshole somewhere that WOULD stand in the shower and use a freaking hair dryer. There is no accounting for peoples ignorance my dear. One person's humor becomes another person's mantra. I was just clarifying it for those that totally did not see what it was meant as.


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/21/2006 1:55 pm:
Great points about chemistry and the importance of focusing on what you're doing instead of what other people are doing. True enough!

JuicyBBW1001 54F

6/22/2006 12:24 pm

WOW someone finally gets it. BRAVO Fire

Juicy


SleekIcilyVarix replies on 6/22/2006 12:34 pm:
Thanks Juicy

rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
6/27/2006 7:24 pm

Sweetbabydee07...

That can happen and often does. However, that is what the majority of men on here are *counting* on. That we will suddenly drop our standards or preferences and they email us anyways. That causes for a filled box of junk email for us to go through. Unfortunately many of the men that write that stuff think that they will *eventually* get the women to do it. The same as there are women that think *eventually I can change him*. NO relationship should be started based on the *what if* status, and again, unfortunately way too many think if they say the right thing later it will be done. I have had too many of them say "OH I don't need anal." And then down the line they start whining about "Why can't we try it????" You got lucky and I am glad for you. However, I would rather take my time and be with a match from the start than be with a *maybe* we will change from the start. It is safer for me. That doesn't mean everyone, just me.


Ladywithatti2d 76F  
495 posts
6/28/2006 8:10 am

Sweetbabydee, it was really great that you managed to succeed and have a great interaction. I would venture that the percentage of those happening are in the minority, not the majority.

Lets, take a look at what you wrote. You were reading the blogs, you read the funny post from the guy, you read HIS profile, even tho his profile was not what you were into, YOU EMAILED HIM ANYWAY. As you said, you are a sucker for a good sense of humor. There is absolutely, nothing wrong in any of that.

The point here is, YOU initiated the contact, NOT HIM. Had he simply read your profile, and emailed you, then you read his profile, the chances are pretty darn good, that you would have either replied in the negative, or not replied at all. Based on his WISH LIST. His "sense of humor" appealed to you, so there was an attraction to the humor.

What about the rest of his profile. Height, weight, etc. did he have a facial pic that may have appealed to you or was it blank, and you continued on blindly, based strictly on emails, and conversation. There are many other factors here that have to click, not just the sense of humor. If he had been a 400 pound midget, without teeth, and a great sense of humor would you still think and say what you do?

"Lets, just chat". Again, THAT is what the majority of the men on here WILL NOT DO. They think this is a clearing house for sex. All they have to do is say "hello" and your panties drop to your ankles. Some have in fact flat out said that is precisely their expectations. The fact that he was willing to take the time, chat, and for the two of you to get to know each other a little better, before agreeing to meet lays a far more solid foundation than, "I am driving thru your city on Wed, wanna meet". For the first email to anyone. You didn't say just how long you did chat before you met him.

As for his profile being the (perv list) and nothing you are into. His own admission of it being his "wish list", says to me, if you are "wishing" for it, or wishing for something, it translates to, somewhere down the line, there is or may be the effort to make the "wishes" come true. One does not usually, wish for things they don't really want. Were you to become involved exclusively with him, at some point the conversation and action will turn to that wish list and, "lets try this". That does not mean you would be a willing participant, or even agree, I am simply saying, that if he is wishing for it, he is also going to make an effort to make his wishes, and dreams come true at some point.

Do you like liver, broccoli, some food that you absolutely, abhor, or makes you sick. Perhaps, you are just overlooking a new way of serving it, or preparing it and you should just keep trying it inspite of the adverse reactions.

That would be the same logic behind, don't take a profile at face value. A profile is suppose to be who and what you are and wants, likes, and dislikes. It also includes your "wish list". No matter how what you don't like is given to you, you are not going to like it, not now, not a year from now.

This site is flooded with men, who actually "believe" that they can say, act, and write every and anything they want to a woman, and they also believe WE WANT THEM TO. Any male reading your post there, about "don't take the profile at face value" is going to leap on that ONE sentence, and holler, EXACTLY!!! Just give me a chance!! Let me show you. Well, again, if everything you like, or are does NOT appeal to me, I am not going to like it not now, not a year from now, any more than the food you don't like, regardless of how you "show me".

They won't read all the rest of the important part, where YOU emailed him, and then you both TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Those are vital points, you had a connection, not just an out of the blue email, that when you read the profile and none of it is what you are interested in, you send a polite refusal, and you suddenly went from being the most gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, desirable, lady on the planet, to a sinky, old, wrinkled, dumb ass, slut hog that no one would want. Which of course does not say much for the email initiator, because he obviously was attracted to the stinky, old wrinkled dumb ass slut hog in the first place because HE EMAILED HER.

Sorry, I can't agree with you on this one, if the profile is filled with everything I am not interested in, I am not going to take the time for anything else, after all, a profile is designed to weed out what you are NOT interested in, who you ARE interested in. If you seriously, do not want the things on that perv list, then you definitely should NOT put it in there, because to flip your remark around, YOU JUST MIGHT TURN OFF SOMEONE YOU COULD REALLY BE INTERESTED IN, BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO LOOK LIKE A HORN DOG STUD.

Honesty an expectations, in conversation, and in profiles, leads to honesty in real life.

Lady


rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
7/1/2006 6:34 am

LICULOW....

And you are asking the question that FIRESLIDE is answering!! WE are ALL Different!! So for me to say *this turns ME on* or *this gets MY attention*...may not and more than likely..WILL NOT work for other women. You guys need to quit looking for a blanket answer that ALL women will respond to *this* if it is sent. That was Fireslide's entire point...READ THE PROFILES!! Then you have an idea of what turns THAT woman on!! I can't say that enough.


Perchance2000 57M

7/19/2006 8:38 pm

Well done, Sir, a true public service! And thanks to kelli4u2dew to draw attention at her blog to your post!

As improving standards of conduct and common decency is always a valuable, commendable and noble endeavor.

Increase in competition a threat? To whom? Makes everybody strive for more and better . . . and thus less waste . . . as, and this may seem counter-intuitive, it should increase the number of quality interactions.

In part, because anybody heeding your advice cannot ship off mass mailings - the effort involved in crafting good messages (and thus the time it takes) puts a natural limit on what even the fastest typer will be able to put out . . .

. . . and the recipients will appreciate the thought and effort that went into it. If you carefully chose and not indiscriminatingly flooded, you are more likely to find somebody wanting to respond you.

So it'll be better for both sides to improve communications . . . and likelihood of connecting.

Funny also that when you look at the -anecdotal - evidence that at best 20% of the e-mails received by many ladies are considered by them to be worthy of a response. I actually think this is a high percentage - it's probably closer to 5. If my sense is more on the mark, then what seemed like a big mismatch in favor of ladies (10 : 1) turns out to be still a raw deal for many of them - as the odds to get a decent e-mail would be 1 in 20.

No better case can be made that some reality check, self-censorship and lots of self-discipline is appropriate for male responders to female profiles . . .

. . . and to thank you once more for your valiant efforts and a great post!


StaynHardnHot 42M
305 posts
7/20/2006 10:13 am

Fire,

You've obviously put alot of work into this post, but i'm afraid i have a disheartning revelation you may have overlooked. Do you really think, any cro-magnum cave dwellers that would make your email list actually would take the time to read a WOMAN's blog , much less a MAN's , if they havent got enough grey matter upstairs to even READ a woman's PROFILE?? lol. I'm afraid my good man although you've excited the ladies with the hopes of an overnight metamophasis in the thought process of 99% of the male population, I'm afraid your terrific insights will have fallen on deaf (and dumb) ears!!


rm_Lord_Falcore 34M

8/25/2006 2:29 am

Im sorry to say this but I have to agree with some of the men on hear. I mean some of the women hear are just plane lazy. I mean I understand the hi email that go to the trash bin but what of the guys you talk to. Why do we have to figure out that you hate us? that is when the massive emails start. I give up in about one-two emails NOT inclueding the words "why are you not talking to me?" or "why haven't you email me back?". im just not that type of person. If you planly state "I dont want to talk to you", or "f-off", at least we know. this is an example I was talking to a nice lady for a short time to get to know her and for her to get to know me. we were on yahoo chating away and I have no idea what happened. but she just stop talking. I assumed that she fell asleep or her computer froze. So I siad good night talk later. I saw her the next day online but she wouldnt talk to me. I just simply gave up and said if I said somthing wrong Im sorry and I will not bug you anymore. and so I was gone. but why did it take so much of my time heading to a deadend? Look I am stupied but for god sake give some of us a clue! If we are so dumb why not be that way. Treat us like were dumb. I would solve a butt load of problems.
I also have a question/statement... I have used all your tatics and your thoughts even before I discoverd your blog. for some of us the critera of most, is noware near real. I can get some women to talk to me but there are 3 things that stop them. whare I live the tme I have, and than the famous pic of anything but my cock. Im not that pretty but at least tell me thats what it is and stop the lies... or hell just lie to me not cut me off. its like the bar. I kinda figure out you dont want to talk to me if you walk away in the middle of a talk. But how can I see that on a computer? huh!?! like I said LAZY. Im sorry if my thoughts have made some of you mad, that was not my quest. only to make some of you think before you shoot your mouth off. even though men should worship the ground women walk on, we are all the same. some of us men DO HAVE FEELINGS. were not meat. So women get off your royal chair and get down hear untill you have ern the right to be put there. I also will say im sorry for this but Ive been hear 2 years. ive paid and wasted alot of money getting nowhere. so some of my anger gose to the site it self. SORRY to all.

PS if you look at my profile and say thats the problem with him (only like two lines of info)than here this. I have almost got rid of all info about me becuse, I have gotten winks and emails of people asking for relationship or really time consuming deeds. Im to busy for that and I got tired of the dumbass questions. Besides Its not like anyone is reading it anyways. And yes I am a MAN. Probly the wrost thing to happen to me.

SO please.. stop pointing out everyone elses faults to score pionts with the ladys. IF your not trying to do that then I say this to you fire...."oh!... this sounds like the sounds of someone butting in. IT must be little Lisa Simpson, the answer to a qestion that NO ONE ASKED!!!!" (NED FLANDERS)


rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
8/28/2006 6:56 am

Lord Falcore...

And at 23 (your age) you don't know much. As you pointed out...YOU have no time. MOST of us WANT time. So if you really want just someone to get you off...a hooker would be better. Sounds to me like you are bitter that no one rushed to you. I can say that after reading what you posted..IT SAYS TOMES ABOUT YOU!! And that you are NOT someone "I" would want to be around. You will find as you get older...IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE and usually a connection.

This is NOT the subject of this post.

This post is on how to get emails going...how to try and GET a connection. NOT for guys to whine that the women didn't like them AFTER they got a few emails.

I would NEVER meet anyone after 2 emails...are you nuts???


MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
8/28/2006 11:49 pm

LordFalcore, I hope you come back and read this.

1. Learn to run the spell check. It wouldn't matter to me what you wrote if it had as many misspellings as in your comment here. It's a sign of laziness not to run the spell check.

2. Women and especially those around your age do NOT want to hear that you just want a fuck and run. You talk about your feelings, but what about ours? You say you don't want to be treated as a piece of meat, but that's exactly how you're treating women when you want to just fuck and run. Most of the women here aren't looking for a string of one night stands. If that's what you want, hire a hooker. That way, no one is getting led on or hurt emotionally.

3. Most women here are standard members. When you write to standard members, especially if you're writing to the few smoking hot chicks who are for real and not ads for other sites, they're getting at least 100 emails a day. Most will have filters set. Some set it to cupid settings and some set it to personal information settings, other set it to picture settings. Some women don't even realize they have a filtered box. But even if you're not sent to the filtered box, standard members can only email back 5 people a day. So if they're getting 100 emails a day, they are going to pick and choose whom they answer.

4. Your main profile picture. Gee, just want every woman wants to see when they view a profile of a man. Another chick holding your dick. Or doing anything to it for that matter when you're supposed to be a single guy. There is no way in hell that is your hand, it is a girl hand. Major MAJOR turn off with us ladies.

5. You will not be everyone's type. Deal with it. We're not call girls here. We are allowed to have a type.

6. It's a double standard, I will admit it. While guys get turn on by women who are bisexual or bicurious, (because they think they'll get to watch, the poor misguided fools,) most of the women on this site are not as sexually liberated as you would like to believe. Most are judgemental prisses with no concept. In other words, 90% of the women on this site are skeeved out by bisexual or bicurious men. They are under the impression that there isn't a bi man on the planet who doesn't have HIV. Or, if they don't rant about that, they'll go on about how sick it is for a man to suck another man's prick. They all think you want them to watch, as men want to watch two chicks together. Yes, most of the women here are that close minded.

Now, what are you saying to women in these emails or in IMs that they decide to stop talking to you cold? Are you trying to push them to meet before they're ready? This is more work than a bar, you have to convince us you're not a serial killer or first and will take no for an answer if there is no clicking on her part. Are you trying to lead them into sexual conversations they'd rather not have? ARe you saying to them, no, you don't want to join their webcam site?

Honey, the fact you get to the IMs is a lot better than a lot of the guys do here. But in real time conversations, you have to show enough personality and not be a horndog if you want them to meet in person. Men who come off as too pushy scare us off. Period.


rm_Lord_Falcore 34M

8/30/2006 2:12 am

alright I siad that I was sorry but I have A few points at this time. 1ft off if fireslide reads this just delete my commets.just think that I dont exist. I cant put in to words what Im talking about and I dont think like the rest of the world so that makes it harder. I'll make a general commet. I thought this site was called AdultFriendFinder. how do we read this. is it adults looking for friends? Or is it a AdultFriendFinder? IE sex? And another ponit that I like to say to the last post I perfer my miss bad spelling. Its less threatning. Ive been told for years bye girls. and yes I can take no for answer. All I was saying is to give me that no. Also the EXAMPLE I gave about that girl was in fact an EXAMPLE, Im not winening. what i ment by "i give up in one to two e-mails" is after they stop talking to me. And no I have not push anyone to meet me. in fact I think the problem with that girl was the fact that I tried to get to know her. and delay the meet. she acutly pushed me. I dont care anymore anyways. and the pic of a women holding my cock is a tacktic I have. girl with small hands make me look bigger. not that I have ever lie about my size. Its called eye candy but you have a point about the single look but my other pics suck, so any Ideas? and for the big question about been a pice of meat and the hooker thing is #1 ware are hookers at I dont find them (yes Ive looked) #2 a hooker is in fact a hooker, someone piad to be with me. #3 I dont enjoy getting off myself I like to get them off. its a thing I have. if they dont want nothing but good head thats what Ill give. I dont care if you dont believe me but I wouldn't push for anything else unless they want it. my piont is I have feelings and I want to give them to someone. even if it is not real for a time. In simple trems I want to be wanted. and with 2 jobs thats very hard. and what I mean by useless deeds is going with them to go shoping and moives stuff like that. no time to acctualy talk to them like dinner. #4 Aren't hookers in the state of californa illeagle? Im a good boy I dont break laws.

In closeing I'd like to say get ride of my posts. I dont even understand me. What I think is not my words. Im to shy to say things I think and I can only piss people off (inculeding myself) trying to say an opinion. IM SORRY FOR HAVE A RADOM THOUGHT If you like to understand why I wrote the pervious post just e-mail me. I will not say hear.

ps now this post IS off subject. my gusse is your a cop.
I hearby declare that my opinion is not understud and with draw from ever writing it down.


rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
9/1/2006 8:56 am

LORD_FALCORE...

My only further comment...this is AdultFriendFinder..and you then say IE sex? Guess what...even Quasimodo has a dick. Women that are 92 have a p*ssy. That does NOT mean that you WANT them. So to say that because we are here on AdultFriendFinder we MUST have sex with *anyone*..is ludicrous to say the least. Even being here for sex..does not mean I have sex with EVERY email I get (75-100 a day), I could not possibly. ALL those men have dicks. As MissAnn said, we are *NOT* employed by the site to have sex with anyone and everyone. Just because *you* want me..doesn't mean "I" want you.

So NOT assume subtitle of *sex site* means we have sex just because you asked us. Worlds biggest MISTAKE on this site.


calor583 58M

10/2/2006 10:09 pm

I just learned something from someone younger than me,cool!


LadyGrayLeopard 56F
26385 posts
11/14/2006 12:37 pm

Vow!!

I saw this blog only now, thanks to Shylena!!

Would add only one tiny thing:
check the activity date = what was the last time the person was logged on to this site...

I know some guys who have 'successfully 'mailed only to women who have left the site several months ago...


washyboard 61M

11/18/2006 2:42 am

well it seems i didn't read all of your profile , i stoped about 1/2 way down. But you hit the nail with the right hammer putting this blog together. I can imagine how the ladies get frustrated when they recieve so many useless emails


washyboard 61M

11/18/2006 2:49 am

as you can see that i just started reading these blog things, so i apologize for not keeping up to speed.


deepdiper 58M

1/6/2007 1:26 pm

Holy C%$P
This is so obvious once you read it.

I guess us guys really are kinda thick

Cheers


CreoleKittee 46F

2/12/2007 4:54 pm

"I was looking through your profile and I am intrested in your hott body. "

gosh, i wish i had a quarter every time i heard...and deleted...this one...~loL~

i hope you don't mind...i linked you up
in my blog...EVERYONE needs to read this!!

thanks for taking the time and effort you put into this...for us....~sweet smiles~ i can tell already...you are a keeper....

~kittee kisses~


~~How beautiful you are and how pleasing....O Love, with your delights~~

Song of Songs 7:6


red_hot_trucker 58F

2/13/2007 8:41 am

Hey Fire!

You know, I received this really offensive email from a guy once about my arrogance in my profile, and then he went on to say he figured I wouldn't even respond at all. (uh, duh!) Then he received my auto and it told him sorry, no response from me is coming. He sent me another email back after that and proceeded to really sound off on me like I was at fault there. WTF?

My profile is a joke. Nothing more, nothing less. I get a few comments on it, some actually like it. Think it's the funniest they've read yet. But I'm still here to just blog. Bottom line.

Oh, and thanks, I will link this to my auto reply...





[post 1785076]


rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
2/13/2007 8:16 pm

WELCOME BACK!!!

I wanted to tell you that this is the most used link I have for this site. I send it to almost EVERY lame email I get!! Glad you are back. Many are here as N2meec is just blogging, some of us are here to help. NOT everyone is here to be part of a meat factory or a whorehouse warehouse. Even with that help I try to give out, even "I" get blasted and told it is a sex site as if guys don't need to do shit but wave their dick and we are so desperate we run to it no matter what.

THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK!! THANKS FOR THIS POSTING!!

My blogs are still flowing over with emails in all 4 categories...Come and see them all!! rdy2try4 blogs..just click on the link!!


AllForOne30 46M

2/14/2007 4:52 am

you've put a lot of work into that mate, well done it's not just one up for the ladies, it's one for us guys too but then you knew that anyway. Personally if more guys like you spoke out like this it'd be a better environment for everyone.

AllForOne30


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/14/2007 6:20 am

    Quoting CreoleKittee:
    "I was looking through your profile and I am intrested in your hott body. "

    gosh, i wish i had a quarter every time i heard...and deleted...this one...~loL~

    i hope you don't mind...i linked you up
    in my blog...EVERYONE needs to read this!!

    thanks for taking the time and effort you put into this...for us....~sweet smiles~ i can tell already...you are a keeper....
Thank you for the kind words and the compliments. Anyone who wants to link up to this can feel free to do so. The more the merrier, I say.
~Fire


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/14/2007 6:28 am

    Quoting red_hot_trucker:
    Hey Fire!

    You know, I received this really offensive email from a guy once about my arrogance in my profile, and then he went on to say he figured I wouldn't even respond at all. (uh, duh!) Then he received my auto and it told him sorry, no response from me is coming. He sent me another email back after that and proceeded to really sound off on me like I was at fault there. WTF?

    My profile is a joke. Nothing more, nothing less. I get a few comments on it, some actually like it. Think it's the funniest they've read yet. But I'm still here to just blog. Bottom line.

    Oh, and thanks, I will link this to my auto reply...
Hi N2

Sounds like you've stumbled upon a Potential Darwin Award(TM) winner.
I haven't yet decided if I will revive my silver membership, and can't view profiles, so if you would be so kind as to mail me a copy, I can always use a good laugh. You're welcome, and you might want to check out rdy2try4 You'll know why when you get there.
~Fire


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/14/2007 6:35 am

RDY!!!

Thanks for the warm welcome back *hugs* and thanks for keeping an eye on things here in my absence. I highly encourage all who read this to check out Rdy's blog...she's got tons and tons and tons of examples of the good, the bad, and the ugly of email here. Oh, I also reposted this to the Rants and Raves section in the magazine. Now that article writers can block assholes and their comments, I figure things shouldn't get out of hand again in there.
~Fire


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/14/2007 6:42 am

    Quoting AllForOne30:
    you've put a lot of work into that mate, well done it's not just one up for the ladies, it's one for us guys too but then you knew that anyway. Personally if more guys like you spoke out like this it'd be a better environment for everyone.
All4> Thanks! I hope you found something useful in there.
~Fire


rm_figgeritowt 40M

2/14/2007 9:19 am

GREAT post. Great advice. well put together. thanks


rm_figgeritowt 40M

2/14/2007 9:19 am

"Even the women who are just looking for no-strings-attached sex tend to want to know there's a decent personality attached to the penis before agreeing to meet it."

GREAT post. Great advice. well put together. thanks


rm_figgeritowt 40M

2/14/2007 9:44 am

    Quoting StaynHardnHot:
    Fire,

    You've obviously put alot of work into this post, but i'm afraid i have a disheartning revelation you may have overlooked. Do you really think, any cro-magnum cave dwellers that would make your email list actually would take the time to read a WOMAN's blog , much less a MAN's , if they havent got enough grey matter upstairs to even READ a woman's PROFILE?? lol. I'm afraid my good man although you've excited the ladies with the hopes of an overnight metamophasis in the thought process of 99% of the male population, I'm afraid your terrific insights will have fallen on deaf (and dumb) ears!!
great point


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/14/2007 12:44 pm

Hi Figger. Thank you for the kind words.
That said, I want to address that last bit you quoted.

For one thing, if you don't try, you can't succeed.
Secondly, I'm not expecting or promising a miraculous overnight metamorphosis.
Also, I've gotten responses from guys that have indicated they've found something useful here.
Also, some of the women here have added this article to their auto-reply and/or rejection messages.
I figure if even just a handful of the guys who need to read this do, and if a handful of THEM follow my guidelines, then it was all worth it.
There are things about meeting people online that you just have to learn, mostly through experience, trial, and error. I've learned them, collected copious amounts of input from women here, shared them, and any guy who reads this could find something new or something they hadn't thought about before, not just the ones who fail to read profiles.
Also, like anything else, there are varying degrees of need. I'm hoping that most of the guys who could benefit from this aren't at the extreme far end that SHH described.
Will this village always have more than its fair share of idiots? Absolutely. Is an effort to reduce their number completely futile? Nah.
This is the last time I will write about any attempts at discouragement or the myth of futility.

~Fire


kissnlik 40F

2/15/2007 8:19 pm

Everything you mentioned on here is ABSOLUTELY true!! Way to understand how a woman can think... Love your blogs!


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/15/2007 9:01 pm

    Quoting kissnlik:
    Everything you mentioned on here is ABSOLUTELY true!! Way to understand how a woman can think... Love your blogs!
Thanks Kiss


Murax 54M  
934 posts
2/16/2007 2:55 am

Excellent write up!!!! I always get tired of listening to guys complain that the haven't been "lucky" when they really have no clue as to why they strike out. I wrote up something similar, It ain't luck! Or how to get laid on AFF if you are a guy.


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/16/2007 8:40 am

Thanks Murax. You're right. Luck has nothing to do with it. Additional Pearls of Wisdom are always welcomed.

~Fireslide


rm_mars5101 56M

2/23/2007 9:37 pm

Actually,I did read it!I've made some of the smaller mistakes and this post kinda makes me rethink the whole thing.I have been trying most of what fireslide says{actually pretty proud of myself in that respect!lol}but I am going to have to change the pics around a little.And really ladies,some of us DO READ the profiles.It is hard to be as patient as we should though.Thats also somthing to work on.Thanks for the article fireslide,truly you seem to have hit it on the head!


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/24/2007 2:44 pm

    Quoting rm_mars5101:
    Actually,I did read it!I've made some of the smaller mistakes and this post kinda makes me rethink the whole thing.I have been trying most of what fireslide says{actually pretty proud of myself in that respect!lol}but I am going to have to change the pics around a little.And really ladies,some of us DO READ the profiles.It is hard to be as patient as we should though.Thats also somthing to work on.Thanks for the article fireslide,truly you seem to have hit it on the head!
Thank you, Mars. I'm glad you found it helpful. Patience is a bugger but, as they say, good things come to those who wait. I wish you the best of luck.


cocoatits81 35F

2/24/2007 9:43 pm

Wow.Just wow.I'm pretty much echoing the sentiments of the ladies(and gents)here when I say:Great post.Nail on the head.Too bad the nice ones are far away,and I'm using this for reference in the future.Bravo!

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/24/2007 10:16 pm

    Quoting cocoatits81:
    Wow.Just wow.I'm pretty much echoing the sentiments of the ladies(and gents)here when I say:Great post.Nail on the head.Too bad the nice ones are far away,and I'm using this for reference in the future.Bravo!
Thanks Cocoa There are likely nice guys in your neighborhood, and from what I've seen from your blog I have a feeling some lucky guy is going to find you, or the other way around.


rm_Umoreus1 58M
1 post
2/25/2007 7:48 am

Beat the Hell out of me, but women aren't immune from being nasty, stupid etc. Competition is tough here and some guys read between the lines and realize that some women are here just for money etc. Bottom Line: Don't make the women out to be "Goddesses" and Pure of Heart and all of the guys out to be Creeps and Perverts. From my perspective, I wish that more women were "Real" and didn't play so many games...... Anyone who takes this site seriously shouldn't.


rdy2try4 51F  
3059 posts
2/25/2007 10:20 am

UMOREUS I have to say that BOTH sexes play games on here!! It is NOT just one. I can't tell you how MANY times I have gotten a chat going till we get to the *meet* part and then the GUYS back down. Maybe he was married and playing here to find out he still had value to women. Maybe he wasn't serious at all and just goofing off. Maybe he didn't LOOK like his picture at all. Maybe he wasn't OLD enough. NOT ALL MEN are *pure of heart* lovers that will take us to the extremes of nirvana as they say and only wish to get themselves off and will say anything to get it. There are TONS of *maybes*..but it is NOT just WOMEN that are not REAL on this site.

MEN AND WOMEN play games here. BOTH sexes that take this site seriously WISH that didn't go on.


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/25/2007 4:00 pm

    Quoting TheOracle2006:
    BTW: I am putting it on my automatic response to all the email. Thanks

    L'Oracle de L'Amour
Thanks Oracle I hope it helps!


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

2/28/2007 7:37 pm

    Quoting chuchotte2:
    Fireslide?

    I bow to you and thank you for this

    It could not have been better said
Thanks Chuchotte. I had a lot of amazing input from many women here (I in turn bow to them), and I put it to good use. I hope it helps. Take care and thanks for stopping by


bipolybabe 55F

3/2/2007 11:54 am

It's good advice. You're a smart guy.

Women don't buy a penis, even here. We buy relationships with human beings.

I'd be happy to tell guys the valuable advice you've offered.

Best wishes in your search for adult friends!

BPB

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/2/2007 1:52 pm

    Quoting bipolybabe:
    It's good advice. You're a smart guy.

    Women don't buy a penis, even here. We buy relationships with human beings.

    I'd be happy to tell guys the valuable advice you've offered.

    Best wishes in your search for adult friends!

    BPB
Thanks BPB. I appreciate your taking the time to read it and respond. Thank you for the kind words. Best wishes to you as well.
~Fire


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/4/2007 1:42 pm

    Quoting wizoflaz:
    well said and worth the read...but how many actually know how to read on here...
    let alone have the capacity to string more than two words together to express an actual thought...words for thought to think about...
"Well said and worth the read..." Thank you. I'm glad you thought so.

I suggest going back and reading the previous comments (not just the ones on this page).
The short version of the answer to that is:
1) Some guys who have read this have thanked me AND used it to get a better response. This post has gotten 2000 views. Yes, Men are among those readers.
2) Not all of the guys who could use some tips for Email improvement are The Bottom of the Barrel. While some of the guys who are sending garbage mails won't bother to read and learn, other guys who could simply use some tips for improvement have read it AND benefited.
3) The fact that not all of the guys who could benefit from reading this will do so is not an excuse for not trying. Instead of simply insulting them, I'm trying to help them.
4) YOU read this. If something you read here makes a difference in getting a positive response, come back and let me know.


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/7/2007 7:24 am

    Quoting niceonwhyte:
    that's an in depth blast of criteria,,, sound though.

    my question is, is this based on our encounter over the web, or something standardized for all from you? i truely thought this is about "bling"... and art.

    m
The information provided herein is a product of what I learned from my own experiences, common complaints I read in the blog and the magazine, and the input of the women here.
Bling is a fun distraction. I've enjoyed seeing the artful endeavors of the people here and made a few myself. I will likely update this article to include bling when I start to hear stories that sound like "This idiot sent me some bling and thought it would get him into my pants." I figure it's only a matter of time.


Anniebelle42 53F

3/19/2007 7:36 pm

Wow.. I loved this blog.. and yes have gotten a few of those good emails!!LOL And really judging someone on their typing techniques..not everyone is a whizz at the computer.. even I didn't know there was a spell check on here.>LOL But *I will read a email even if the spelling is not perfect as long as I can make sense of it and he does match what I am looking for.. cause you would be surprised what is behind the writing. Do not judge a book by it's cover kind of thing. And comment to that fellow who said we were all looking for money.. Hmm not necassarly but we are looking someone who has achieved something in their life..


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/19/2007 9:15 pm

    Quoting Anniebelle42:
    Wow.. I loved this blog.. and yes have gotten a few of those good emails!!LOL And really judging someone on their typing techniques..not everyone is a whizz at the computer.. even I didn't know there was a spell check on here.>LOL But *I will read a email even if the spelling is not perfect as long as I can make sense of it and he does match what I am looking for.. cause you would be surprised what is behind the writing. Do not judge a book by it's cover kind of thing. And comment to that fellow who said we were all looking for money.. Hmm not necassarly but we are looking someone who has achieved something in their life..
Hi Annie, thank you for your kind words, your input, and thanks for stopping by. Glad you've gotten some good ones! RE: Spelling...while I realize some women may not be too harsh on a guy who isn't a good speller, and that's a good thing, I still think it's good advice for them to make use of the spell check feature and try to make their message as easy-to-read as possible. And I agree...there's nothing wrong with wanting a guy who has achieved financial stability.


rm_NewYearChic 48F
14804 posts
3/20/2007 5:18 am

Smiles - some good warning material that perhaps should be sent out on sign up

kisses


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/20/2007 6:15 am

    Quoting rm_NewYearChic:
    Smiles - some good warning material that perhaps should be sent out on sign up

    kisses
Thanks NewYearChic...I actually emailed luvpump and tried to plead my case for doing so, or including it in the help section..anything... but he didn't even bother to respond. Pfft.


rm_KellyRH 43M
10 posts
3/20/2007 6:19 pm

I guess some things just need to be said regardless of if it seems common sense to some people. I totally agree with everything there and cannnot find anything I would change in the least. I am very greatful that someone would take the time to write something like this. The other links you gave to other blogs were great as well. I am almost ashamed to say that I have done some of the Donts but that will now change and I have a renewed confidence that my future messages will hopefully be replyed to more often. U DA MAN lol


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/21/2007 3:04 am

    Quoting rm_KellyRH:
    I guess some things just need to be said regardless of if it seems common sense to some people. I totally agree with everything there and cannnot find anything I would change in the least. I am very greatful that someone would take the time to write something like this. The other links you gave to other blogs were great as well. I am almost ashamed to say that I have done some of the Donts but that will now change and I have a renewed confidence that my future messages will hopefully be replyed to more often. U DA MAN lol
Hi Kellly. Thanks for the kind words. I've made my own share of "Don't" blunders along the way myself, so don't feel too bad. Most don't have the cajones to admit it. Kudos and Best of luck with contacting the ladies here.


no_thing_matter 33M
5 posts
3/30/2007 12:17 am

I can only say wow, people need to read this? I thought this was common sense? I mean, sex is a very private and respect-requiring activity, so communication along such lines would be required.

I can also say wow I followed all of your tips to the letter without even knowing them and NONE OF THEM WORKED!!!

I will say the girls i have hooked up on here Either emailed me "Hey, we matched up so wanna fuck" or else replied to a message another girl member sent them (she was standard member and could somehow send messages, regardless of points, and i could not because life isnt fair and boo hoo hoo whatever) with "yeah lets hook up"

so, yeah, just pushing my story. anyways, im sure its just a volume thing, plus location. like you said, its a 10 to 1 ratio, throughout my history as a silver member for one month and multiple grabs at free emails ive maybe sent twice that number. and i am in the middle of fucking nowhere as far as you urban americans are concerned


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

3/30/2007 11:28 pm

    Quoting no_thing_matter:
    I can only say wow, people need to read this? I thought this was common sense? I mean, sex is a very private and respect-requiring activity, so communication along such lines would be required.

    I can also say wow I followed all of your tips to the letter without even knowing them and NONE OF THEM WORKED!!!

    I will say the girls i have hooked up on here Either emailed me "Hey, we matched up so wanna fuck" or else replied to a message another girl member sent them (she was standard member and could somehow send messages, regardless of points, and i could not because life isnt fair and boo hoo hoo whatever) with "yeah lets hook up"

    so, yeah, just pushing my story. anyways, im sure its just a volume thing, plus location. like you said, its a 10 to 1 ratio, throughout my history as a silver member for one month and multiple grabs at free emails ive maybe sent twice that number. and i am in the middle of fucking nowhere as far as you urban americans are concerned
I live in a small town in northern New York. Not the middle of nowhere, but close to it. It definitely makes it harder to find matches locally. If you've been doing all the right things already, great. If you receive a certain number of emails as a standard member you will get limited profile viewing and emailing priveleges for a while. Good luck.


SouthMouse 54F

4/4/2007 1:25 am

Your words absolutely nailed every problem with every message I have received from a man on this site. Penis pictures, incredibly bad spelling, phone numbers, "cute" stuff like speaking as Tarzan, I swear I'd keep some of them for future entertainment except I'm not that unkind; I'd rather go sit with the guy and say, "Look, you struck out with me for being foolish. Let's clean up your messages, okay?"

And then I'd tell him to read what you wrote and my job would be done.

-SouthMouse-

PS: This is an extraordinary blog. Congratulations.


SleekIcilyVarix 41M

4/4/2007 4:04 pm

    Quoting SouthMouse:
    Your words absolutely nailed every problem with every message I have received from a man on this site. Penis pictures, incredibly bad spelling, phone numbers, "cute" stuff like speaking as Tarzan, I swear I'd keep some of them for future entertainment except I'm not that unkind; I'd rather go sit with the guy and say, "Look, you struck out with me for being foolish. Let's clean up your messages, okay?"

    And then I'd tell him to read what you wrote and my job would be done.

    -SouthMouse-

    PS: This is an extraordinary blog. Congratulations.
Thanks Mouse Your kind words are appreciated. Feel free to herd them over for a read. It can't hurt to try.


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