What is D/s?  

FeelKindaLonely 44F
87 posts
2/9/2006 2:30 pm

Last Read:
3/6/2006 7:49 pm

What is D/s?


Yes, I'm writing two blogs today. I guess I just have a few things on my mind.

I want to explain D/s. Alot of people aren't really up on what it's all about. They think that because they're traditionally dominant, in life, they understand it.

D/s stands for Dominance (notice it's capitalized) and submission (it's not capitalized). D/s means alot of things, to alot of people, but there's always one constant...it's a power play. One person (sub/slave/bottom) relinquishes all control and power over mind, body and soul, to another person (the Dom/Domme). A Dom is a male and a Domme is a female. A submissive has more rights than a slave...but I'm not going to get into detail.

For some the D/s lifestyle is an "in the bedroom only" type of activity. For others, like myself, it's a 24/7 lifestyle. When I give myself, I give all of myself...at all times. There are those who only give when their lover is in the mood for it. Everyone is different and one is no better than the other. W/we don't judge.

To Dominate someone there are certain traits and requirements that every submissive is looking for in a Dom that must be met; gentility, heart, compassion, consistency, honesty, trust worthiness and so forth. It's not about weilding a whip and beating someone to a pulp...though there are those who like that. Again...to each his/her own. However, D/s is about mental sexuality more than anything else. If you can get into a persons mind and play with their thoughts, their emotions, their desires and their hopes, fears, likes and dislikes and send them swooning...you're off to a great start. The sex aspect of the game is simply a reward for a mind game well played.

The point is...it's work. It's alot of work. If you're not into work, you're not into the D/s lifestyle. You can't send someone an email telling them you're perfect for them because you're a dominant person and think that you're going to score. At best, you'll get laughed at. Your self proclaimed dominance means nothing. Look at me...I'm a very dominant person...but, for the *right* person, I'm very submissive.

It all boils down to chemistry, compatiblitly and time. Those 3 factors and only those 3 factors will determine if you're going to be in a D/s relationship in the future with someone. If you think you're going to figure your partner out in a short amount of time, you need to rethink that. It's not going to happen. Dom/Domme's are complicated and layered, as are submissives. The older the player, the more set in his/her ways that person is going to be.

If you're new to the lifestyle or idea of Dominance and submission, I suggest you do your homework. I know of a website that is really good for learning. It's been around a long time and it's good for beginners as well as those who have been in the life for a while. If you'd like to read from it, send me an email and I'll share the link with you.

The point is...do your homework, find someone who is experienced and learn from them. Be teachable. Be smart about how you present yourself to those you are meeting for the first time be it online or in person. Don't be ashamed to say you don't know or understand something. Be patient. Most of all...HAVE FUN!

rm_coathanger1 48M
859 posts
2/9/2006 3:27 pm

I'm kind of curious about this. I cannot email you from this profile but I would like to know where to go for the info.


EroticTantra 57M

2/9/2006 3:57 pm

A well written explanation. I often discuss this on alternative relationship sites and your thoughts have helped me clarify a few points. Thanks


MakMeLuvItBig 64F

2/9/2006 4:12 pm

I love your post, thanks.
I started as a Dom, but met SOOO many excellent, strong women for whom I would happily submit. So now, even though I prefer and am more comfortable as a Dom, I will Switch with the right woman.
You sound like that kind of woman.


MakMeLuvItBig 64F

2/9/2006 4:18 pm

P.S.: That is IF you like women! I love men, but don't trust them as Doms. Bad experiences


OutgoingMale4 53M
18 posts
2/10/2006 10:15 am

How about sharing that link you mentioned on here? Thanks.


FeelKindaLonely 44F

2/10/2006 10:55 am

I'm a standard member...you'll need to email me and then I can respond, but I can't initiate an email. I'll ba happy to send you the link when you do that. *Smiles*


redmustang91 57M  
8660 posts
2/16/2006 3:33 pm

The mind game sounds like a form of role playing. I decided the RPG took too much time!


Grow2big 53M
75 posts
2/17/2006 12:53 pm

D's isn't that the fast food fish place?

Not a life style as much as a peronality style/type.
Unless of course you just play at it (so many try).


FeelKindaLonely 44F

2/17/2006 1:20 pm

It is a game for those who only us D/s in the bedroom. There's nothing wrong with that for those who think of it as a way to end the boredom in bed...to them, it *is* a game...but not to us lifestylers. To those of us who live it all day, every day...there's no game to it at all...it's who W/we are. *wink*


im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
2/19/2006 3:52 pm

Very informative post without any of the snobbery that some people from that lifestyle possess. Nice work!


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