Village Idiot, Front And Center, Boy, Answer Problem #7  

Fallic40 53M
3214 posts
3/10/2006 9:20 pm
Village Idiot, Front And Center, Boy, Answer Problem #7

“I fucking hate math. I can’t fucking do it.” I cannot tell you how many people have left such comments in various posts I have made that mention mathematics. I have taught math classes where I devote an entire lecture to this terror of mathematics. It is like a group therapy session.

(Hold on arf a mo while I go put my math geek good polyesters on.)

People do not realize how many mathematical calculations are made subconsciously without causing duress. It’s a bit like breathing ‒ it’s only when people start thinking about it, that they start to hyperventilate. (If you ever want to gain an unfair advantage playing golf or tennis, just ask someone whether they breathe in or out on their backswing. Their entire rhythm will disintegrate.)

(I am now reaching back for my extendable pointer (no Saf, not that one, I have to reach down, not back, for that) so that we can use the board.)

Anyway, let us get back to mathematiphobia. (Is that a cool-arse word, or what?) I truly believe that this phenomenon was caused by pig ignorant math teachers who tortured students by making them go and answer math problems ----- ON THE BLACKBOARD.

Oh, everyone has done it. One minute you are passing notes to the girl behind you and then your name is called out with a suitable amount of contempt by said teacher and you are making the walk of shame to the front of the class: usually tripping over the book bags or the artfully placed foot of one of the football team’s too cool linemen. You pick up the piece of chalk and start your answer and SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH: bad chalk. You immediately turn red and forget how to work quadratic equations. There is that incredible burning sensation as 25 or 30 pairs of eyes bore into the back of your head: did they notice that your legs are trembling?

(It is such an ‘orrible memory that I am sweating and will need to remove my clip-on tie in order to get comfortable again.)

That should bring back moments of abject terror for many people (solving problems on the board, not the clip-on tie). Some readers will probably find themselves under the computer desk in the fetal position and sucking their thumbs and wetting their pants as repressed memories blast through their synapses. I apologize for this. I went to a Jesuit school too. I hated, disliked, and detested answering math problems on the board.

It is this torture that I blame for all of the phobias involving math. And then after staggering, crawling, wobbling like a drunk back to the pseudo-safety of those weird flip top seats, there was still the review and open house of the problem to endure. And there is always that weird kid in the front right corner that knows more than the teacher and has no social skills whatsoever.

(No, I was not that kid. I would gladly take payola to not bust a curve.)

First of all there are the hands on the hips, lips pursed, and deep thought stare of the teacher as he/she tries to figure out what the fuck the downward sloping numbers on the board mean. Nobody can write in a straight line on a black board! Immediately geek-boy has his hand up and waving ‒ and if it is really bad, there is spittle flying as well.

This is followed by the disdainful chalk grab. Teacher’s Union rules mandate that the chalk should be that bright pink color so that all mistakes are easily identified. A sarcastic question is then asked of the class to see if the graffiti on the board could possibly be correct. All corrections are made with a flourish that would do a symphony orchestra composer proud.

Finally, the face of the board features that abject humiliation of the subject and all errors are outlined in neon-like chalk for all to see. The entire class has turned around to view the torment of the mathematically inferior. (And, if the problem is complex enough, the resident genius has cum in his pants from a form of mathematical hysteria by this point and is on the cool down.)

(Fuck me, I am having a flashback to high school myself, now ‒ discuss complex number theory amongst you while I hide in the bog for a bit.)

All of this rings true doesn’t it? Everyone dealt with this kind of math class abuse. I maintain that is this that has left people in abject terror of doing math problems. It is that shame that was heaped on anyone who was not able to complete that particular problem on the board in front of one’s peers. It is a fear of pink chalk. But it is not inability to do math.

Everybody does math all of the time. People just do not realize it: and the not realizing it helps everyone no end. Math on, my peeps.

(Now if you will excuse me, I am going to turn of all the lights and rub my polyester pant legs together and see if I can make sparks.)


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
3/10/2006 9:54 pm

PROOF THAT WOMEN ARE EVIL

1--GIRLS=TIME X MONEY

2--TIME=MONEY

3--GIRLS=MONEY X MONEY

We all know that MONEY is the ROOT of all evil...therefor

4--GIRLS=EVIL

lustytaurus


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/10/2006 10:04 pm

Lusty, that sounds like a Jesuit philosophy class topic. I can even hear my Irish philosphy master, Brother Benedict, reciting that as a mantra


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

3/10/2006 10:34 pm

“I fucking hate math. I can’t fucking do it.”
breaks into cold sweat...
eeek

TTFN


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

3/10/2006 10:36 pm

* has bad memories of me standing at the board untill I solved the long division problems, eyes on my back, as I tried to shrink away*

TTFN


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/10/2006 11:05 pm

redlips, actually sit back and think about all the under the radar math you successfully do in a day and you will think yourself a genius. Think about figuring change, cooking, putting gas in the car: it's all math.


runzwithknives 59F

3/11/2006 8:09 am

Great post!!
I fuckin' hate math, can't do math...

Why? I have to work *really hard* at math. At least I did in school.

No, not the day to day balancing checkbook, figuring gas mileage,
grocery costs, change...that stuff is a snap...Oh wait, I *am* a genius.

Thanks for this!!
Rosa


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/11/2006 9:00 am

Rosa (who runzwithknives), I see that you get it. 99% of all the math you do, you solve correctly without even thinking about it: in any class you would have a high A.

Math teachers have just brainwashed everyone into thinking that they are just not as "special" as math people. I deal with it all the time in classes.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/11/2006 9:01 am

redlips, I hated standing at the front of the class too: call it performance anxiety. When it comes to the walk of shame, everyone is equal.


bipolybabe 54F

3/11/2006 9:49 am

I think you need to change the description of your blog. I find it impossible to believe that you don't get the girl every time. Laughter is the best way I know of to get me to spread my legs!

The image of you making your polyester pants spark...priceless!

And, then cooking as a duo, wham, you're in, man.

So, I'd like a little more truth in advertising. Oh, wait, wait. I get it. It's the self-deprecating humor thing. That works. I take it all back except that I think you're adorable.

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


libgemOH 56M/52F

3/11/2006 1:28 pm

This post caught my attention. I'm a 41 year old college student and guess what? Taking math.... And yes, I was one that said I HATE MATH, CAN'T DO IT, SCARES ME!!!

Surprising what happens when you try. 2 b's and 2 a's so far and taking my 5th math class, statistics next quarter.

Not so scary!

Thanks for visiting my blog and welcoming me to yours!

-B


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/11/2006 3:17 pm

libgem, guess what, statistics is a great math class as none of the problems are theoretical and you actually get to use what you learn.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/11/2006 3:18 pm

bipolybabe, it isn't so much that I cannot get the girl, more that I don't go and try to get the girl as often as I should.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
3/11/2006 6:58 pm

That's why I invented calculators.
Use 'em and be swell.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/12/2006 9:09 am

Jay, no calculators at the blackboard - you remember doing your time at the front of the class, don't you.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/12/2006 9:15 am

Candy69, my area of expertise is industrial mathematics. I recently filled in as a substitute for a college math prof. who broke his leg skiing for several weeks.

There was always someone in the front row who knew all of the answers. I didn't run into anyone as loathsome as the individual who is in my post.

The other thing that was really good to see was the number of really talented ladies in the two classes. It was about a 60% / 40% ratio in favor of the ladies.

For years this has been reversed as several generations of women were chased out of math by chauvinistic teachers. I am dealing with one such teacher right now who is "teaching" my oldest daughter and driving her away from math. I have had several heated exchanges with him recently.

(I don't really wear polyester.)


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
3/12/2006 11:56 am

Fallic, that's one memory that will only come back by means of extensive psychotherapy and hypnosis.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
3/12/2006 11:59 am

I'm happy these days being able to calculate target heart rates.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/12/2006 7:55 pm

jay, I know a lot of people carrying repressed math memories. After dealing with my 16 year old daughter on some of the issues of writing in front of the class, the only thought that I have on the exerecise is that it is an exercise in futility at best and a form of torture at worst.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/12/2006 7:57 pm

lips, algebra is mainly just an exercise in repetition. I have to use a lot of it in my work. Geometry is almost art.

And as for writing straight...........


runzwithknives 59F

3/12/2006 8:11 pm

Ok, I had to pop back in here. It's just the silliest thing. Reading my book tonight and this post pops into my head with the thought that's it those damn WORD problems.

It's like this...if I wanted to know where to put the damn fulcrum I would experiment till it worked-not take paper and pencil to it.

I don't care if Betty is 6 years older than Fred who is 2 years younger than me. I am still middle child and always will be.

Le train, Le train. Now that's interesting if and only if you want to play chicken or hop on board.

And which spice is where in the cabinet if nutmeg comes before cardamon and between basil? Cripes, I have bay leaves and when I run out I buy more. They're all there, I tell ya!

Whew...Now that feels so much better.

You can't give me an equation for why my house has so much static and the neighbors doesn't (polyester aside)? Know any cute physics teachers?


_Safira 53F
11260 posts
3/12/2006 9:02 pm

LMAO ... Hmmm, extendable pointer, eh?

OF COURSE, I'd focus on that! I hate Math, remember? Doesn't mean I don't "do it," what with Quantum Physics and all. Lordy, what a great visual this was. Had me hating "Statistics of Probability" ALL over again.

Saffy

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/14/2006 7:33 pm

runzwithknives, such an incredible array of problems.

1) The fulcrum problem comes down to learning styles - you are obviously a tactile learner. You need to see and do.

2) Being a middle child sucks - that is why I like being the oldest. However, the oldest gets all the responsibility and the youngest in never allowed to grow up soooooooooooo you might be better off as a middle child once you are on your own.

3) Trains really do leave different stations at different times and go at different speeds - unless you live in the UK and chances are they are on strike so no trains are leaving any station and generating any speed.

4) I file my spices by usage: Indian food, Italian food, Mexican food, baking etc. Cardoman is kept by the curry powder and garam marsala in my cupboard.

5) Check with your neighbour to see if they have a humidifier. Higher levels of humidity result in a reduction of static electricity. I can do physics too.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/14/2006 7:34 pm

jay, I bet you are more comfortable in your plush trainers office talking one on one with a client rather than explaining all of the exact same things on a blackboard.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/14/2006 7:37 pm

Saf

We don’t need no education.
We don’t need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teacher, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!


I think this describes going to the blackboard, does it not?


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

3/14/2006 9:18 pm

shopping math I can do Hon... and well...lol

TTFN


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/15/2006 11:20 am

redlips, and you get it right every time too, I bet. An A+ for you today.


_Safira 53F
11260 posts
3/15/2006 7:04 pm

Absofrigginlutley ...

... But Professor Fallic, if I WENT to the blackboard would you help me with your, ummm ..., extendable pointer?

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?


runzwithknives 59F

3/16/2006 9:11 pm

You're right. I am a tactile learner.
I can build geometry. But can't for the life of me do it on paper.
So you're giving us cooking and math lessons...when?


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/22/2006 8:20 pm

candy, I am never surprised by what a talented lady can do, but I am always excited.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/22/2006 8:23 pm

runzwithknives, I have had to study learning styles and it is really fascinating. You are an experimenter. You are a tryer and doer. But does it manifest itself into every day life?


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
3/22/2006 8:24 pm

Saf, are you going to wear that naughty little Catholic school skirt?


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
4/1/2006 11:13 am

candy, very, very, very, very, very, very excited


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