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A (Naughty) Christmas Poem
A (Naughty) Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and god it was neat,
The kids had fucked off and the wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted and the phone off the hook -
It was time for some nooky: by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I, in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry
That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf
and tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass - clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in one ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite.
He yelled at his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa shithead, whoa asshole, whoa stupid, whoa putz,
Either slow the fuck down, or I'll cut off your nuts."
"Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree.
Quit shaking the sled, 'cause I gotta go pee."
They cleared the old lightt. The tree got a rub.
Then Santa leaned out and yakked on a shrub.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore.
He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel" he said with a smile,
"The reinder are pooped so I'll rest here a while."
He went to the kitchen, poured himself a drink,
Whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, the wife giggled with glee,
The old sod was hung right down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached into his sack;
But his toys were all gone and some new things were packed.
Thr first thing he found was a pair of false tits.
Next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's third find
Then six pairs of panties - the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
Several more things that I just should not mention.
A cock ring, a g-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em all here and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his leags were like lead.
He fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins off the hitch.
Yelled "take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch."
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is it never wears out".
12/19/2005 10:42 pm
12/19/2005 10:52 pm
So, so funny.|
12/19/2005 10:57 pm
with the day I had I sooo needed that thanks for the laugh |
12/20/2005 10:10 am
*takes the bra without nipples* |
12/26/2005 9:19 pm
12/28/2005 12:50 pm
redlips, for you, anything|
12/28/2005 12:51 pm
looking, I hope your day got better|