Stupid Church Sayings  

F1reman6969 49M
163 posts
2/17/2006 4:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Stupid Church Sayings


a friend of mine sends me these on occasion.
he has the most warped mind of anyone i know.
the most fantastic person, with the best sense of humor.
i hope you enjoy these, even if you are a church-goer.



Stupid Church Sayings:
(Real messages found on programs, posters and signs outside local churches)

1. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

2. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”

3. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

4. A bean super will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

5. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

6. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

7. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

8. The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

9. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

10. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

11. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

12. Potluch supper Sunday at 5 P.M. -- prayer and medication to follow.

13. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

14. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

15. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

16. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

17. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.

18. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 P.M. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

19. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 P.M. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

20. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

21. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday “I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours.”

22. Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”


papyrina 50F
21133 posts
2/18/2006 3:02 pm

some good ones there


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


F1reman6969 49M

2/19/2006 12:30 am

dear papyrina,
not so shabby, hey?
thanks for visiting.


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