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Naughty, naughty boy....
Naughty, naughty boy....
i was a little naughty this weekend.
okay, i wasn't really naughty at all this weekend, but i was.
i went on a date.
no, not with dream girl, just someone who's been interested in me, so i decided to explore the possibility, who could it hurt, right?
well, we went to the art gallery to check out a few of the exhibits there.
i was a photographer, i work with multimedia artists on a consistent basis, and my ex-fiancee was a designer.
i love art.
that wasn't the problem.
the problem was the communication.
now, mind you, i work in the communications field, so i'm a BIG advocate of communicating properly, but this day was torture.
let me describe it.
we would walk through an exhibit, separately (problem 1).
there was a long period of silence as we took in whatever piece we were looking at, say a sculpture, which i love to look at.
then, on average, she would say something along the lines of, "that's cute, i love the shape, it's sort of rounded and flowing."
no problem, not a great fan of art.
then she would say something like, "y'know, some people think that going to the art gallery makes you look cultured" (problem 2).
you either are or aren't interested in art.
she obviously wasn't at the speed she was going through the exhibits.
i paused to absorb a painting of a nude woman.
"my aren't you the naughty boy," she said to me.
"you don't even know how naughty," i replied.
she kept zipping from one art object to another.
she glanced briefly, then moved on.
i wondered if it was a metaphor for how she dealt with relationships.
she seemed bored with the idea of being at the gallery.
either that or she had been there before with other dates....
so after saying this, she would stare, no glare at me for like say 10 seconds...
i would wait for her to say something else...
... and say nothing....
... and she would say nothing (problem 3).
normally, i like silences.
normally, like with dream girl, i like comfortable silences.
these silences were not comfortable.
they began to feel a little psychotic (major problem 4).
when she did speak, she used a choppy SNOOTY matter-of-fact news announcer voice -- y'know the one, it's the same tone that Frasier uses in Cheers or Frasier, scratch that, it's the same tone and language that Niles uses, no phuque that, it is Lillith's voice, Frasier's ex.-- that's it exactly (MAJOR PROBLEM).
i have a pretty relaxed, calming and soothingly sexy voice (or so i've been told).
people love talking to me on the phone, just because of my voice (and some of the naughty bits i like to have fun with).
but her voice came out like a machine gun.
she blasted you with what she thought of the art.
imagine her saying this to you, "i like this piece, it presents me with the feeling of isolationism and independence in a field of dependency and comfort in the vastness of conformity in our society."
so my mind started to wander.
then a curator came along to announce they were doing a half-hour tour in five minutes.
thank the gods....
so i asked my "date" if she wanted to participate.
she said she was.
so we went on the tour.
that was torture too because she right away made answering questions a competition (problem 6).
at this point my male mind shut down.
i noticed the guide who was majorly hot.
Metis, 35, about 5'9" tall, very natural looking. i i was attracted to her smiling eyes and happy face.
she also had perfect wide and bee-stung lips.
the kind you just want to kiss deeply.
she had shoulder length hair which was sunbleached, mmm....
she had a calm, soothing voice which tickled my ears.
and she had a hot bod.
nice breasts about a 35 C cup, which were accentuated by the tight shirt she was wearing.
she had a nice butt, not too small and not too round, just right.
and it looked very nice in the almost too tight pants she wore.
the tour lasted a half hour and all i could think about was taking our tour guide into the bathroom and ravishing her.
i wanted to take her into a stall and kiss those magnificent lips and tear off her shirt and rip off her bra and massage her breasts as i pressed her hard with my hips into the cold metal wall of the stall.
i wanted to tear off my shirt to feel flesh against flesh and muscles working in an elaborate and tense dance resisting each other at first.
then i wanted to pull those pants down and pull down her thong so i could kneel down and jam my tongue deep inside her pussy, tasting her sweetness as i fingered her wet hole.
i got hold of her clit between my tongue and the back side of my front teeth and started tonguing it roughly, pressing it against my teeth.
she came quickly and her legs felt weak so i stood and she kneeled.
i pulled down my pants and boxer briefs.
she immediately gripped my cock and pumped it furiously as she took me in her mouth and rubbed my head against her teeth.
she sucked and pulled and sucked and nibbled.
i came quickly at the vigorousness and force of her performance.
she swallowed everything and licked me clean.
but my cock remained hard.
she rose and i turned her around and took her from behind.
i glided in slowly, then i grabbed both her wrists and pounded that perfect ass with every ounce of energy i had....
back to the tour.
i had a raging, noticeable hard on for the rest of the tour.
she kept looking at me and smiling and i kept thinking about her butt.
my date kept machine gunning her little comments to the world.
i kept my mind busy in the ladies bathroom, giving my tour guide the ride of her life.
my date would fall silent but she noticed my distraction.
there was no way that she was going to get her hand on my handle.
the tour guide ended the tour and everyone departed.
my date asked if i learned anything from the tour.
i told her that i was fascinated by the tour and it clarified many things for me.
she machine gunned and silenced, machine gunned and silenced the afternoon away.
i soon tuned her out and tried to enjoy the art
i kept looking at the art and soon, another tour took place and this time i could really observe "the art," the sculpture of a beautiful tour guide, the painting of her naked body in my mind....
i'm such a naughty, naughty boy....
2/6/2006 5:27 pm
Hmmm, she wasn't much fun.|
2/6/2006 7:54 pm
it was boring and no fun.
well, except for the tour guide.
2/7/2006 8:28 am
uh.....................................................................................................(comfortable silence)................................................loved the descriptive art!|
just a squirrel trying to get a nut
2/7/2006 4:35 pm
between me you and me,
i phuquing hate dating.
i get so nervous when i call something a date.
i purposely normally call it conversation instead of a date.
"wanna go for some conversation?"
yeah i didn't this time, nor will i ever.
no more dates or "conversation" with her.
i wasn't even nervous, just weirded out.
i normally don't even write about my dates, but this was hell date.
on with conversations....
WOOOOO HOOOOO !!!!
(shakes his head in shame)
i did have fun with the thought of that tour guide, though....
she was a good conversationalist.
i'll be right back.
now where did i put the address to the art gallery...?
and don't worry, this naughty, naughty, bad boy has only begun to write!
you are hilarious.
i would love to spend a comfortable silence with you.
can i come over and look at your... "art"?
(see mzhuneyhole, i told you i wasn't through being naughty)
luvz to you both,
2/7/2006 5:50 pm
Tis seems your commentors missed the whole theme to your story. How many times I have daydreamed of unleashing that animal in broad light to an unsuspecting victim. He could be standing with his back to me in the check out line and I have seen myself kiss his neck and lick under his ears while pressing my swollen breasts into his back and pawing at his chest with outstretched arms. His belt is a bother. Out of MY way! as I tear open his pants to the sweet treat I crave.... like a hungry beast, I spin him around and thrust him against the conveyor belt and then onto his back. Pouncing and on all fours, I claim my prize.....He will feel the tenderness of the kitten and the eagerness of the monster inside me as I devour his cock with a method as only I possess that sends his eyes rolling back into his head. Naughty? yes and dangerously so delicious!|
2/7/2006 11:32 pm
you got it....
naughty, naughty, bad boy, meet
naughtier, naughty, BAAAAD ghurl....
2/9/2006 4:37 pm
let me start by saying your date was very dense. and WOW I loved the naughty thoughts that were going through your're head. I wish I'd been the tour guide that you wanted to ravish.|
You should have gone after the tour guide, but at least you were a gentlemen and stayed for your whole date instead of bailing, but I would have totally agreed with you if you had bailed, I would have. lol
2/18/2006 8:13 am
thank you for the vote of confidence.
i wish i would have bailed, because it was just bad, no it was BBBBBAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD.
just a weird lady with a weird sense of dating and communicating.
she sort of scared me actually.
anyhoo, the tour guide was worth the price of admission.
she was the finest piece of art in the gallery.
hmm... when was the last time you were at the gallery...?
are you interested in art...?