moving on  

EroticStoggie22 33M
6 posts
9/25/2005 4:44 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

moving on


I have experienced a variety of sensual pleasures in the past several days. Sensual pleasure, in the sense I am using, is not restricted to sexual pleasure. I have had the pleasure of conversing with a variety of interesting, intelligent, and kind-hearted people. I am beginning to accept my impending divorce and regard it with numb detachment. I have increased my confidence in regards to sexual endeavors: I have been blessed with the gift of giving females multiple orgasms. I am so inticed by the notion of pleasuring others. Honestly, I just want to make some cute female cum as many times as I can. I am morally confused: is it wrong of me to engage in sexual relationships without making a committment? I know the popular answer to this question on AdultFriendFinder is no. I fear that my expression of love and affection is falsely leading others on; that I am interested in forming a monogomous relationship with them. I do not verbally express such an interest. Nonetheless I intuitively feel that I am giving that impression. I have a huge quantity of homework that is demanding completion: the strength, in thought, of obligation and duty. All I want to do is fuck all day. Such a comment is, I know, crude. Sex, for me, has not only been a source of sensual pleasure but also of escape from my feelings of rejection with my ex-wife. A source of my moral confusion is this: am I treating others as a means to an end for my sensual pleasure and escape? I do not desire to use others in such means. I genuinely want to bring pleasure to others, as ends in themselves, yet I cannot help but see a semblance of selfishness in my acts. I fear emotionally damaging those I am physically engaged with. Nonetheless, despite such semblance of selfishness, being between a woman's legs causing her multiple orgasms, with my tongue, is sensually erotic. Sometimes I fantasize about engaging in sexual and intimate relationships with my ex. Such impulses are evidence that I am not completely detached from her. Such impulses are also evidence of the difficulty of forgetfulness: that it is challenging to displace one's history. I truly know the impossibility of being in a intimate relationship with her yet I still fantasize about it. Is the origin of such a fantasy in that it is forbidden to me? I do not have the insight of analyzing the significance of such desires. I wonder if my feelings of rejection prompt me to fantasize about her. The origin of "prompt" is that via being intimate with her I would no longer feel rejected by her. I know the impulses are foolish fictions. I truly wish my mind was preoccupied with my own activities. On AdultFriendFinder I experience a slight anxiety: that via first impression I will be rejected by others. If given the chance, I am confident, I can give another person great sexual pleasure. I must be off to my sexual delusions... farewell.

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