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Memoirs of a Dreamer
Memoirs of a Dreamer
As I said in my last post, I will revisit the movie Memoirs of a Geisha.
If you havent seen this movie... DO SO!!! It is worth it.
It is the story of a young Japanese girl in the pre-WWII time frame. She is sold by her family to a woman in a brothel to be trained as a geisha. Which contrary to what some may believe is not a common place whore. A geisha embodied all the mysteries of the female sex and the beauty of the Japanese culture. She didnt just sell herself to any man... she comforted, she advised, she pleased... and if the gentleman was worthy of her... she gave herself to him exclusively.
However... there is a catch... she was not to love nor expect love in return. A geisha could only hope to become half a wife to her chosen one. Love was a luxury that often could not be afforded.
I can relate to that way of thinking. After my divorce I was extremely jaded. I wanted nothing to do with love nor any thing resembling it. I was all about the physical... what I could do to a man to make him pant after me. How I could use his body for my own enjoyment all the while making him feel like he was the best lover I had ever had. I honed my skills... I grew to be quite the adept lover and temptress.
I say these things, not to brag at all... but because in my own way of thinking.. I had become a geisha of a sort.
I entertained men and women... I made them comfortable with me. I tantalized their senses and inspired their minds. I stimulated their imaginations so much so that some even thought to ensnare me for themselves. But I would always elegantly and diplomatically dance away from their advances and find ways to extricate myself from them.
I gave them pleasure, and took pleasure for myself. But love..... love was not to be in the equation.
Sayuri, had chosen to become a geisha so that she may one day have a chance to be with the man she truly wanted, The Chairman.
I had an internet lover... one that I met in person twice. We carried on like Romeo and Juliet for a long time...until discoveries and revelations ended it. Much like Sayuri and the man she wasnt meant to be with but the one she was settling for, Nobu.
When the relationship with Nobu ended, Sayuri saw it as an opportunity to get to her beloved Chairman.
I saw my relationship ending as a launching pad... I had to give myself the chance to find something real.. something that was for ME... something real.
In the end... Sayuri and her chairman find each other. But she knows that she will never be a full wife to him and she is happy with that.
I want to be a full wife and more to my guy. I want to make him exquisitely happy and receive what I give back with equal measure.
This past week he did something I never ever expected a man to do for me. I wont go into details because it was something extremely personal. But just know.. that I would never dreamed that someone would go to those extremes for ME or my children. And he did it with no hesitation nor remorse. How can I not know that this is the man that was truly meant for me and that I was meant for him.
I may have lived as a geisha... but now I am going to one day be his everything.. and he mine.
5/10/2006 3:53 pm
Aren't you the lucky one today.. |