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Tips to beginners interested in anal
Tips to beginners interested in anal
Ok, I didn't originally prepare this juicy morsel to be a blog; it was emailed as a response to someone who read my first blog post (yeah, that big, long story at the bottom).
But as I progressed through my email, I thought, "wow, I wonder how many other people would like to hear the advice from an anal lover who's been there, done that?" It's really quite enjoyable to write about the details of anal sex and anal pleasure. One, I find it challenging to translate my sensual, endorphin-based knowledge into coherent and understandable thought. Two, anal sex is just plain hot. And if you haven't played "down there" I recommend at least trying it. You're just a few paragraphs away from learning how to get started. So you really can't excuse yourself by saying, "I'm clueless" - not now anyway!
So I give you my email covering the basics of anal:
"Welcome to Elle's advice line, where your sat-ass-faction is my main goal!
Thanks for your compliments on my written encounters! So NameOfPersonWhoEmailedMe, you're a little new to anal? It might help me to know a little more about what you feel turns you on anally, and what kind of things you think you might like to try. Are you into having a "filled-up" feeling, do you like the pain of being very stretched? Are you interested in prostate stimulation? Maybe you even want to work your way up to fisting? Or perhaps you're just testing the water right now and feel turned on by anything that rhymes with "anal."
First: Lube! Invest in some good, water-based personal lubricant. I'd recommend KY Jelly, or ID Glide. They have no odor, give no particular sensation to the skin (i.e. warming, cooling, tingling, etc.), and closely replicate the consistency of a woman's natural wetness. Also, and unlike makeshift lubes lying around your house, these will wash off cleanly with a little soap and water. (Unless, of course, you have a fetish for Crisco.)
Next: Go at your own pace. My tendencies lead me down the path of accepting pain, so for someone who's not geared that way, trying to recreate my encounter(s) could be a little unnerving (or just plain impossible). When you want to explore anal play, rule number one is to try to remain relaxed. Give yourself time to figure out the way your body works, and do be patient!
Keep in mind that the anus is comprised of two sphynchters, one exterior and one interior - about 3/4 of an inch inside. The exterior one operates voluntarily, so you shouldn't have too much trouble trying to figure out how to relax it. The interior sphynchter is a little less voluntary, but you can learn to relax it. I recommend trying to identify both of these muscle structures on your own. Give yourself a little privacy, and then go exploring. Use a finger and slowly move it past the first sphynchter - right about at the point where your first knuckle is inside you, your fingertip should feel the grip of the second sphynchter; beyond that is the rectal cavity. (And to ease any hesitations you may have, unless you feel the urge to have a bowel movement, your rectum will be mostly free of waste matter...perhaps a few specks here and there, but nothing major.) So once you've identified your internal parts, practice relaxing and contracting your muscles down there. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU FEEL - listen to what your body tells you. It may mean that you remove yourself a bit from the erotic side of the experience, but trust me, a little clinical exploring is going to benefit those erotic adventures down the road! You'll get to a point where you'll be able to relax quickly, without really thinking about it.
A note on sizes. I've been playing anally for over 14 years. (And yes, I'm only 26, so do the math.) I didn't kick off my anal-loving days by ramming my hand up my ass - I did try, but that's another story. It wasn't until recent years that I accomplished the task of having my asshole wrapped around my wrist. It took time. Moreover, I didn't try to "expand my anal horizons" at every opportunity - it was more of a compulsive thing - which is why it took me as long as it did to attain my current anal progress. Your mileage may vary.
A few notes:
You will eventually "max-out" on the size you can accept. It depends largely on your skeletal structure; while your skin and muscle tissues can stretch and reset themselves, your bones CAN'T, so don't break 'em. If you feel yourself pressing up against bone, you're going too far.
USE FLANGED OBJECTS, OR SOMETHING WITH A FLARED BASE. Maybe I should have started out by saying this, but it should also be common sense. Don't stick anything in there that you won't be able to pull back out...unless, of course, you don't mind explaining to your surgeon what you'be been up to.
DO NOT USE SHARP OBJECTS! Your anal/rectal tissues are very sensitive and delicate. Use smooth, non-porus objects that were designed for anal. Silicon or specially designed glass toys are a good choice...
Don't freak out if you observe a little blood now and the - the gastro-intestinal tract is packed with arteries, veins and capilaries. Eventually, you're bound to draw a little blood - especially when you're going hot and heavy at it - so don't be too alarmed. Bear this in mind while at play with a partner.
Another part of getting the most out of anal loving (and, conversely, missing out on its pleasures) is the mental aspect. When you eroticize anal sex, what is it that's going through your mind? Pay attention to that as well. Is there a particular thought that goes through your head that drives you wild? Some fantasy that tempts you? Odds are - especially being new to anal - it will feel like you're playing in areas that feel taboo and naughty, yet exciting! Let the naughtiness flow! Each kink you begin to explore is like breaking down a mental barrier. And once you're mentally comfortable and excited about the physical things you do, the physical pleasure can be enhanced exponentially. (Please note that the foregoing sentence contains a relative statement which should not be taken literally. The author assumes no legal liability for those individuals who experience orgasms of an intensity increase which could be considered less than exponential through means of mental freedom.)
Explore, experiment and enjoy!
For more interesting reading on anal pleasure (and sex in general) check out PuckerUp.com. Tristan has wonderful experiences and advice to share on the subject.
12/12/2008 9:17 pm
I always wind up having a problem with relaxing. I can kind of do it with myself if i have a lot of time on my hands... But it's damn near impossible with other people! I have tried to like anal sex. I really have. I've tried to like it 6 or 7 times. but it just hasn't happened. At least not with other people; I may still stand a chance by myself. But your post kind of makes me want to give it another shot. (8th time's a charm?)|