Overcoming A Woman's Fear Of Intimacy  

EbonyHnk 36M
178 posts
5/5/2006 2:23 am

Last Read:
5/7/2006 10:27 pm

Overcoming A Woman's Fear Of Intimacy

I'm sure that you've encountered a woman with a fear of intimacy at some point in your life. She may have been outgoing and confident, shy and troubled, or a little bit of both. Whatever the case, she wasn't going to let just anyone get too close.

The problem was that you wanted to be close to her and, frankly, you didn't have a clue how to go about it. In the spirit of togetherness, I've decided to let you in on a few ways to spot women who may suffer from a fear of intimacy, different causes of this fear, and, when possible, ways you can overcome it.

poor body image

Every woman has an issue with some part of her body, such as her butt, thighs or breasts. But there are two types of women: the ones that do something about it, such as exercise, eat properly, and take care of themselves; and the ones that feel victimized by their own bodies, and do nothing but bitch and whine about it. While the former are quite confident about the way they look, the latter's whole sense of self can be thrown off by something as seemingly insignificant as a billboard.

This type of woman will often have a fear of intimacy, as she may think that men will judge her imperfect body as harshly as she does.

Overcoming this complex is difficult because, in my opinion, feeling good in your own skin is a total prerequisite to being able to have a mutually fulfilling relationship with another person. However, there are certain things you can do to make her feel more comfortable.

If she is self-conscious about her wide hips, and you happen to think they're sexy, tell her so often. Don't be afraid to grab them and caress them. Eventually, she'll forget why she had an issue with them and will let you get a closer look.

If her insecurity goes beyond this, try buying her a sexy night gown, and ask her to put it on while you dim the lights. This way, she'll feel less self-conscious, and you'll score major points for being such a gentleman.


The object of your desire's fear of intimacy could also stem from a certain lack of experience. Maybe she is a virgin (yes, they do still exist), or maybe she has only had a couple of short-lived relationships. Or maybe her brand of inexperience is not so much sexual; perhaps it has more to do with the fact that she's been with the same person for years and the thought of being with someone completely new, while exciting, scares her.

Whatever the case, the key is to move very slowly and gain her trust by letting her know what a great guy you really are. Once you have that, you are free to make your first move. Remember to be gentle and guide her to the best of your abilities; she'll open up eventually.

Read on for what to do if the woman you want suffers from a broken heart.
broken heart

A woman could also be hesitant to give her heart away if it has recently been broken. Maybe her last boyfriend didn't treat her properly or cheated on her. This case is tough because such a woman is in self-protect mode and only one helluva great guy will be able to snap her out of it. In fact, this woman will only get into a new relationship if she feels that the guy in question is trustworthy and not out to hurt her.

The problem is that if you try to project such a persona in a forced manner, she'll pick you off as a phony who's trying too hard, and your efforts will backfire. If you're sure that you really want to deal with this, you may want to encourage her to talk about her past with you, assuming that she even wants to. I'm afraid that, in this case, it's entirely up to her to decide when and with whom she will feel comfortable starting a new, hopefully very sexual, relationship.

seen it all

Maybe the woman you're after is afraid because she's seen way too much for any one person to bear -- too many dysfunctional relationships, seriously messed-up individuals, and more hatred, greed, pain, jealousy, injustice, and misery to last a lifetime. Someone who knows just how ugly the dark side of human behavior can get will be very guarded as to whom they let into their lives.

Such a woman will generally have a certain intuition about people and will use it to her advantage to help her determine who merits her trust. If she herself is kind-hearted, she will just want to know that you are too, and that you are not prone to the various types of madness that she's seen in other people and situations. So, while you can still be mysterious, don't be mean.

a matter of trust

For women with a fear of intimacy, trust seems to be the order of the day. So I'm afraid that if you aren't trustworthy, you're barking up the wrong tree. If, on the other hand, you can be trusted, then remember not to try to get into her head. While, deep down, everyone wants to be understood, no one wants to be psychoanalyzed by their lover -- be a friend, not a therapist.

One last point: Don't misinterpret her lack of interest in you for a fear of intimacy; she may just not like you in that way. She might just be extremely choosy, and be holding out for the guy who she feels best meets her expectations.

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