Eastside__Devil 37F
420 posts
6/30/2006 12:15 pm

Last Read:
8/1/2006 10:00 pm


I think I figured out half my problem lately. There is simply nothing left to believe in anymore.

Yes I know it’s a bitchy and bizarre statement but its true, nothing to believe in and nothing left to get really excited over, it’s all the same thing over and over and over again.

Think about it for a moment, everyday is routine isn’t it? You get up, dress, go to work, eat something bland and tasteless that you’ve eaten 200 times before, go home, try to find something, anything, to do, and eventually go to sleep; sometimes with someone and sometimes alone.

Maybe I’m a bit jaded in my ancient age of 26 but everything seem to fade out into nothingness, the termites really are bacon bits and all my lovers were the same person over and over and over again and I don’t even know why I bother to write any more and it was pointless to begin with and even more so now.

I never was a good writer anyway and I only do it because it makes my mind stop for a minute and in that one golden moment I don’t have to think I just have to let everything flow out of me.

I have no emotions anymore because I sold them to the lowest bidder and it’s pointless for me to want to feel again because it’s all the same over and over and over again and what the hell is Sarah thinking trying to get me to go out with John anyways, he’s too good, too pure and too stable.

Maybe I should just start over with a clean board, move to New York or Memphis or Siberia or Hong Kong but I won’t can’t shouldn’t couldn’t because it would just be all the same people with different faces.

Maybe I should see a psychiatrist and get hooked on happy pills or become a scientologist and believe we all have the souls of aliens or I’ll just take pictures of my feet and start posting them on porn sites for foot fetishists.

They’ve proven that not dreaming can drive you insane but what about dreaming too much and too vividly? Some day we’ll find it the rainbow connection the lovers the dreamers and me all of us under a spell I know that it’s possibly magic…….

Malfean28 38M

6/30/2006 5:14 pm

Yes. You have discovered it. This existence is bland, boring and without flavor just like the shitty food we keep consuming or the fast food we dine on to at least taste something. Emotions? Emotions are a liability. We must free ourselves from the constraints that they place upon us, our minds and our time. What is the solution? You're right. Moving doesn't work. I've done it and observed exactly what you hypothesized. There is no escape from the human drama. Buddhist monks almost do it. Sitting in constant meditation and renouncing the outside world and it's transitory emptiness but how does that help us? Stuck here in this modern world full of shit, lack of fulfillment and unhappiness? It can by showing us to let it go. Stop worry about the now, the soon and the before because it doesn't matter in the end. What does matter is what we do with the time we have. Waste it on mundane existence or seek adventure?

literoticat 52F

7/11/2006 9:11 am

i think you write incredibly well. i don't blow sunshine, either.
i also think that we project alot of the inside on the outside world.
i hope that, like your old pants, you outgrow your current view of the world.

rm_newsherriff 54M

7/13/2006 2:26 pm

WOW having read you various blogs you are truly one of a kind - cool - deem desperate and not give a fuck at same time. Nothing hidden about you - you seem to put it right up front - direct - you write well and captivate. Keep doing it. And every story has multiple plot lines even a coin has two sides and an edge - you certainly have the edge - edgy - again cool.
Worth examining life from various viewpoints besides the ones you hold so tightly. But your writing is very good. Again keep it up and stay loose!

rm_Dorbadim75 41M
30 posts
7/21/2006 9:19 am

Here's what I've learned. It's easy for people to slip into ruts. Physical, financial, emotional... you name it. We like to be creatures of habit and find our own balances. It's easy to hang out with the same group of people, telling the same stories, and doing the same things. It takes a lot of effort and stress to branch out and learn and feel new things.

Maybe you're just bored intellectually/emotionally/etc. Maybe you just need to tone life down for a while so you're no longer desensitized to everything. (What's become of subtlety?) Just some thoughts. I know I've had my struggles with the same feelings. I'm not saying I have the answer yet as I fall in my own ruts too, but I keep finding ways to keep living.

34 posts
7/23/2006 4:45 pm

We've read your blog for awhile now. We wouldn't continue to do so if you weren't a good writer.

Don't give up. And don't stop writing. You've got plenty of fans that would miss you.


kittys4me2 54M

8/1/2006 9:09 pm

"I never was a good writer anyway and I only do it because it makes my mind stop for a minute and in that one golden moment I don’t have to think I just have to let everything flow out of me"

Hmmm?I feel that in that "one golden moment" YOU SHINE!


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