|Blogs > Dominant_Traits > D/s question, answer, and rant|
Tension. Pulling you apart. Stretching your shoulders as the gaps and lacings of the binders scratch into your forearms. Now you know why the length of chain dangles here from our ceiling.
"You could have prevented this."
I listen to your breath coming in. Your anticipation is early, and I have all the time in the world when you need me. When you need to learn from me. The tension leaves your thighs just in time to betray you.
"We could be doing things right now that we'd *both* rather be doing than this."
Your tears won't phase me. I am focused. You are in need. That is all I need to know to remain in a state I can only describe as extreme tunnelvision. Full extension.
"Catch your breath. You may spit if you need to."
I see your pain. Not only in your eyes, but in what's behind them. You know this is hurting me too. You know you have disappointed me. Which hurts worse, baby, your body, or your heart? And does *this* now change your answer?
"Never again. *This* will *never* happen in *our* home again."
A moment of slack, and I'll continue. Not on your clock, but on mine. Does my hesitation not tell you that there is no joy in this for me? And does my continuing not tell you that I love you?
"This time, it only cost us fees on three bounced checks. The next time, it could cost us our time together."
I picked a paddle you have told me time and again you do not like, and for good reason. Right now, all I do makes up a small bit of the lesson. Everything. Even the way I draw my breath. All of it sets the stage on which the lesson plays, and therefore it's ability to teach the proper lesson. I love you, again.
"It's too soon for assurances from you, and you are interrupting me."
Difficult for me to abstain from the loving tones that are normally in my voice, and from the pet names I use to suggestively remind you constantly how special you are to me. How badly I would like to release you here and now, from these chains. But the hero in me understands the difference here, and I won't condemn you to the slightest possibility of repeating this mistake. And again.
"I would dearly love to touch you. To feel you touching me. To be with you, body, mind and soul. But now is not the time."
Catch yourself, Randy. Don't fail her. Step back and realize what is at stake here is beyond valuation, and therefore beyond sacrifice. The skin will return to it's normal color. Her smile will reappear. You will *both* walk away at the end of this with the knowledge that the entire issue is resolved and the stone free and clear; let go, save for the lesson learned. Again, the elbow stiff.
"You took a chance that could have cost *us* an extreme price. You belong to me, and you will consider risking what does not belong to you more carefully in the future."
This has gone on too long for me. Only the image of you in my mind, as wonderful, as smart, as perfect as you want to be, now holds me to it. I know you can be that girl. I know I have spanned the stars in the midnight sky watching you get closer and closer to the you that you once told me only existed in dreams. I know my muscles deliver the help you need.
"Breathe, slowly, easily. If you pass out, you may forget, and we'll just have to repeat this lesson."
I have to remember my promise to you. I have to live up to your image of me. Most importantly, I have to protect you at all times, and at any cost; even from yourself. I was excited when you called to tell me you were coming home early. My newfound disppointment is reflected through the paddle.
"Can you now tell me that you will *never* again write a check without being certain I have transferred enough into the checking account to cover it?"
The punishment cannot stop now. I must continue through the questioning process if I am to have any hope that the memory you take away from this is one of the lesson. I must maintain the scene so that you cannot retreat into the momentary cessation of stimulus. Again.
"No, master. I will never again risk us or be so unconscious of the consequences of my actions."
"I love you. I forgive you. This matter is resolved, *entirely*. You will remain here after I release you from your chains, until such time as you can approach me and tell me that you have completely thought out what you have learned here, and name three ways you plan to apply it in our daily lives."
Hold back the tear. Be strong. It is over. You came through. Both lives are better for it. Refrain from caressing her as much as you'd like as you apply the cooling cream. Restrain yourself, and kiss her closed-mouthed as you remove her bonds. Let her have the joy of knowing her time spent thinking about and digesting the information has *earned* her your affections again when she comes to you. Walk away now. Walk away and let her have her space.
8/15/2005 10:37 pm
*slowly wiping away tears for you both*... only one word comes to mind... wow.|
*sending warm thoughts to you both, smiles, kisses n hugz*
8/18/2005 5:34 pm
talk about tough love |