Its just come to my attention  

Djeeper1987 47M
3388 posts
8/7/2006 7:22 pm

Last Read:
8/10/2006 3:26 pm

Its just come to my attention

That I have a problem. What is that problem you ask?
Let me just say this first. I am not naming that person whom who told me this, however I like to thank this person for having the balls to say it to me. This person has it right on the bullseye.
All my life, I have had difficulty in having relationships. Whether it be a girlfriend, family, or even just plain old friends. I now understand why I am not having any real success on here other than making people smile and coming back for more of my blog. Even if it isn't the top 5 best blogs on this site. I still have a few loyal fans. Which is very nice!!!
Now back to what I was trying to say. This person answered a question I was wondering about. What do you think of me so far?
This person mentioned that I am nice, but very cautious. Insecure to a degree. Still angry about the past.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. And you wanna know something I respect this person for saying it. When I want a direct answer, I expect it to be direct honest, truthful.
See my family, some of my friends, I would ask them and they would say oh there is nothing wrong with you, your fine. I know deep down they are full of shit. I know deep down I have a problem. Deep down, I know it, but not sure what?
I will be turning 37 in less then a week and I still don't know whats wrong with me. Except I have always known I am insecure, shy, and angry about my past. I just never heard it!! I could feel it, but not tell myself.
I know I know, this shit turns the women away. I don't care at this point. I need to get this shit out of my system. I have let the past take control of my life this far. Well NO MORE!!!
This shit woke me up for the first time in my life.
No I am not going to go hide and cry. I am sick of hiding. I am sick of the way my life is. Even though I am trying to change, this is just the kicker.
To my new friend, and you know who you are. I want to thank you for opening my eyes for the first time in my life.
This is all I have to say for now. Peace!!

Carpe Diem

real36CgirlPA 38F

8/7/2006 7:44 pm

Good luck. I still have problms with those ghosts sometimes, mostly when it comes to trust issues. You can't always blame yourself either though.

angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
8/7/2006 7:50 pm

So, now that you know this, what are you going to do to change it? I live everyday with a man who is insecure and angry. His anger is always self directed....but it is extremely hard to take!

countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
8/7/2006 7:51 pm

Good for you! Just don't lose your sweetness.


HotTXpussy4U 48F

8/7/2006 8:33 pm

Self-realization is a powerful thing.

I think I will go sit and ponder... {=}

Balibabe19 42F

8/7/2006 8:51 pm

There are no strangers just friends we haven't met yet! Mind you keep your eyes peeled for the freaky deaky ones...never can be too careful!

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
8/7/2006 11:45 pm

Thats brilliant, now you feel you know the problem you are more than halfway to solving it.
You're a good guy and honest enough to do it.
You have support in blogville.
Go for it mate.


8/8/2006 4:20 am

You are already starting in the right direction darlin'. Just know you have friends here to help along the way

florallei 99F

8/8/2006 10:19 am

Hello DJeeper,

I had problems of not being able to express anger...I masked it and the last several years have had to find a balance of not allowing my past to destroy my present and my future.
You are now in the clearing out of the jungle...May your path be the wise course you choose...allow forgiveness and healing and growth and understanding...You are lucky than most people...Many are still stuck to their past.

2375 posts
8/8/2006 10:23 am

That's what your armband should say! FREEDOM Freedom from the past, freedom to pursue a new future, freedom to let the world see who you really are. You are such an awesome guy, and I want only the best for you. I have a forklift full of baggage and I too recently decided to say fuck it and quit running from things I have no control over. Welcome to freedomland baby!

mycin62 54F

8/8/2006 11:18 am

You ARE going in the right direction and people here WILL help you along your journey. Just a thought, have you considered counseling?

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
8/8/2006 8:42 pm

Wake up call! You are on your way...

I've learned a few things along the way and the most
powerful lesson I've ever learned is to live in present time.

I've learned that I can not live in yesterday. I can learn from it
and then I need to let go and move on or it will kill me.

I've learned that I can not live in tomorrow. I can plan for it
and then I need to regroup for if I live in tomorrow, I will
never get there.

Yes, DJ... The power is always in present time.
So is peace and love and joy. Claim it for yourself, now.
And Happy, Happy Birthday! {=}

...give it a shot...betcha you will feel the difference soon

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

clitalicious67 49F

8/10/2006 7:05 am

Jeep I am glad you are finding yourself so to speak. You are a sweet guy. The past is simply what it is..."the past". You cannot change learn from it and move on. The only one that truly suffers when we hold onto the past is ourselves.

Shy can be sexy and there is nothing wrong with you...everyon has issues...dealing with them is the key to your success...

KNOW that you have a lot to offer the right woman and KNOW that you are worthy of a good life.



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