Blowjob Etiquette...  

Divinitydesires 46F
4872 posts
1/21/2006 1:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Blowjob Etiquette...

I saw this and couldn't resist! I love both sides of this joke...

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?


caressmewell 53F

1/21/2006 7:30 pm

LMAO!!


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
1/21/2006 10:29 pm

Rule # 17 - Keep that stuff outta my hair.

Rule # 18 - Shoot me in the eye and I will never do it again.


Sister_Act_4_You 37F/37F

1/21/2006 11:09 pm

This is hilarious....and I am now realizing that I've been doing it all wrong! ::: taking notes ::: and probably losing potential future dates! lol!


elysianpleasure 47M

1/21/2006 11:19 pm

Very funny...


Georgie007777 67M
419 posts
1/22/2006 1:02 am

"SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD"

Rule #19 - "When did you last wash that thing?"

Chortling Georgie x


Shutterbug02 63M

1/22/2006 1:08 am

This was a great one, it covered all bases from both sides.


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
1/22/2006 5:47 am

mmm...
is it OK if I caress your breasts while you do this?
play with your nipples?
softly run ny hands over your shoulders?... and down your back?
and kiss you afterwards?...

then ask we do this one more time?...


mm6342 53M
199 posts
1/22/2006 7:20 am

I will only comment by just letting you do your thing and wear a smile.


papyrina 50F
21133 posts
1/22/2006 1:15 pm

pmsl ,i've done the throwing up one


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


im_curious_4u 50M

1/22/2006 2:15 pm

Funny!!

BTW no biting, especially of you have braces.


digdug41 49M

1/22/2006 7:45 pm

thats fuckin great I loved that

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
1/22/2006 9:17 pm

Yeah #14 is an easy way to get into trouble...


pASSionwantd2 49M
1316 posts
1/22/2006 10:59 pm

Divinitydesires............Grade: A+ (((((*****)))))fully...\8..GoodJOB


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/23/2006 2:24 am

Throwing up??? Ick...can honestly say that I have so far avoided that one. Hope to keep it that way too. Although I have come close. When it's suddenly at the back of your throat very fast, with no warning, you can't pull back and were just about to take a much needed breath....yep, gets a little tricky there for a sec.

Good post!


RockPebble 69M
2476 posts
1/23/2006 8:38 am

Very funny, very good. Keep them cumming.


aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
1/23/2006 8:42 am

Great stuff! I needed that!


TTigerAtty 62M

1/23/2006 8:54 am

Thanks! You just have to wonder who writes all this stuff! Are we funding a federal agency in D.C. with thousands of creative people working in a 10-story building?


MrNuttz05 49M

1/23/2006 3:43 pm

Can we at least TALK about the cum in your face part???? Porn movies DO serve a purpose...


NatchuralGuy 63M

1/24/2006 11:01 am

LOL! Goes to show there's fine line between caressing a woman's hair when she's going down on you and actually putting downward pressure on her head, which is kind of reflex action. Better to be safe than sorry -- and to cup her breasts instead. Ummmm!


rm_elfandmaiden 50M/56F
59 posts
1/25/2006 6:29 pm

thank you thank you thank you had a great laugh at joke and many of the following comments

addition whats wrong with a little nibbling(the elf loves it!)


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